It is normal to feel a push/pull when someone you love is passing—especially if they have been a strong and independent person who is suddenly weakened by illness. I wanted to avoid going to see my grandfather while he was in the latter stages of his illness. My visits sparked him so much, and he loved having me there; so I kept going as much as I could. We lived next door to my grandparents, so it was impossible not to visit them. My kids were five and eight at the time, and they were not troubled by the changes they saw in Pap, so I'd send them to visit him. They would crawl up in the bed with him and watch cartoons together. It felt like a cop-out way of dealing with the situation, but I could only take so much of watching him die.
I’m sure a lot of people feel as though they didn’t do enough physically and emotionally to care for their dying loved one, but guilt is not going to change anything. It will only steal your peace of mind. Since there really isn’t a separation in spirit, it’s never too late to make peace with your loved one or the situation that caused your guilt. If you feel like you have any unfinished business with someone who has passed, you could ask them to come to you in your dreams, or you can simply talk to them as if they were physically sitting across the room from you. I assure you they can hear you as you make amends or resolve your guilt. By doing so, you may release not only yourself, but your loved one to a greater degree of peace and rest.
Ok, this brought big ol' tears to my eyes. I finally made peace with the fact I had not gone to see my grandma in the last few days when she was dying. I was so scared to see her dying. After I completed my 2nd Frankie book which is about my therapy dog work with Frankie at an elderly facility, I talked to my grandma (while I was driving in the car one day). I asked her to forgive me for not coming to see her... and I told her I wrote about her in my new children's book. From that day on I no longer feel guilty and felt in my heart she forgave me. This excellent post reminded me that yes, it never is too late. What a wonderful post.
ReplyDelete~Barbara Techel
Author & Mom of Frankie, the Walk 'N Roll Dog
www.joyfulpaws.com
This is powerful. This article entitled When a Love Ones Dies (here's the link http://bit.ly/2crV3zY) was very helpful to me. I hope it provides some comfort.
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