Leaving a Loved One Behind

It was emotionally difficult for me to leave my grandmother in the hospital and go ahead with our planned vacation to the Dominican Republic last week. My mind was not at ease and I felt like I was in a stupor the entire time I was there. One morning, I awoke having a dream in which Nanny, my mom, my brother, and I were running a relay race. Nanny had gone as far as she could and she was passing the baton on to us. I heard my brother say, “Something is wrong at home. Call us when you can.”

I felt sad because I know the dream means that Nanny is handing us the torch and that we will soon be carrying on without her. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions from something I heard in a dream, so I didn’t call to see what was wrong at home. I didn't want to feel more sad than I already did. To compound things, I went to pick up email and none of my family had given me an update on her. My mind went crazy. I was afraid Nanny had died and no one told me. I broke down and cried when I was lounging by the pool. Such paradise...

I finally got a report from my mom the next day. Nanny was still having some breathing problems that seem to come and go. Most likely from fluid build up. The hospital drained 1000 cc from her left side and sent her home with oxygen at 2 liters. Her stats looked good and she did not have a fever. That gave me some relief.

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