Death and Dying and the Therapeutic Relationship

By Ashley Sybil Davis

Our society has developed the belief that death and illness should be avoided and feared. The denial that death is real and can happen has caused people to regard illness and death as something that is happening to them, rather than a natural process that can be embraced without anxiety and suffering. Our thoughts and perspective on death and illness are based in fear rather than viewed as a possible opening to an experience that can offer new learning, challenges, growth and positive insight into our existence and ourselves. The denial that death is real and can happen has caused people to regard illness and death as something that is happening to them, rather than a natural process that can be embraced without anxiety and suffering.

Upon awareness of a terminal illness, Kubler-Ross outlines different stages that a patient goes through in response to this new knowledge. Often these defense and/or coping mechanisms help a patient manage with the stresses of facing his or her own mortality. These phases include the first stage, denial and isolation; the second stage, anger; the third stage, bargaining; the fourth stage, depression; and the fifth stage, acceptance (1969). The stages are defined as being consecutive, in which hope is usually present in one form or another. In the final stage of acceptance, there is no more hope in finding a cure and the patient may not want any more visitors. A person will have finished their unfinished business and there is a sense that the patient has reached a feeling of peace (Kubler-Ross, 1969). Another indicator of the final stage is the role of hope. Once hope disappears, often the patient is close to death.

Stephen Levine, who has also worked extensively with dying people, went a step further with the stages outlined by Kubler-Ross, making a point that these stages are really more about changes in the mind. "These stages, instead of being swallowed whole as an absolute reality, can rather be used as a means of focusing, a way of encouraging recognition of the impermanence of all things so that one may go beyond seeing others as what they are becoming and instead experience them as they are. To touch in the living truth of their being, to share in the reality that goes beyond death" (Levine, 1982, p. 234). Many individuals have outlined the different stages that humans' experience when faced with their ultimate fate of death. In facing death, Levine (1982) defines the mind as a rollercoaster, changing thoughts in one given day. During the evaluation process, stages are revisited more than one time.

Levine adds a spiritual dynamic to his view of the stages of dying that Kubler-Ross outlined. He refers to her stages as psychologically based, connected to thoughts, feelings and emotions. He adds: "The difference between the psychological and the spiritual is that the spiritual relates not only to the contents but to the space in which these contents are unfolding. The five stages deal with death as though it were outside of ourselves. Perhaps real acceptance is the first time we take death within. Where death is not the enemy but instead becomes the great teacher that directs us toward our fear and encourages us to relate to it instead of from it. Death's teaching is to relate to your life as a whole rather than some fractured reality from which you wish to escape." (Levine, 1982, p. 242) Spirituality is often interwoven in the dying process regardless of previous spiritual development.

As I have seen in my office, a person can feel stable in a particular belief system and with a diagnosis or when an opportunity to examine death arises, many beliefs are immediately re-evaluated. I have had the opportunity to work as a Chaplain in a Community Hospital, and I have worked extensively with people who have been recently diagnosed with a life threatening illness and/or know someone close to them who are going through the process. I believe that everyone has a different response to his or her particular life circumstances. The therapeutic process can be very helpful, supportive and beneficial to feel and move through emotions as they arise. Therapy can also be a place to process what may remain unfinished.

As a therapist, it is my job to hold space for another's process rather than to fix, heal and/or deny ones experience. Through all feelings of grief, anger, shock, denial and acceptance, I hold the space for choice in the midst of challenging circumstances. Sitting with another human being in this process is humbling, powerful and reminds me how the role of choice occurs up until our last breath.

Sources:

Levine, S. (1997). A year to live: how to live this year as if it were your last. New York: Bell Tower.
Levine, S. (1982). Who dies: an investigation of conscious living and conscious dying. New York: Anchor Books.
Kubler-Ross, E. (1969). On death and dying: what the dying have to teach doctors, nurses, clergy and their own families. London: The Macmillan Company.
Kubler-Ross, E. (1974). Questions & answers on death and dying. New York: Simon & Schuster.

Ashley is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Colorado and has a private practice in Boulder & Denver working with adolescents, adults and families. She is a Certified Gestalt Psychotherapist and is trained in EMDR and trauma resolution. Ashley also has extensive training and experience doing spiritual counseling with clients. She combines her training in psychotherapy and spirituality to bring a unique style to her psychotherapy and intutitive sessions. For more information, please go to Boulder Integrative Therapies at http://www.boulderintegrativetherapies.com or call us at 303-919-4149.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Ashley_Sybil_Davis

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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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The Dying Process: How to Properly Say Good-Bye

By Nelson Berry

One of the hardest things in life that you have to deal with is death in the family. Perhaps you already know that there's no easy way to say good-bye. However, you also don't want to miss the moment to do so.

There are no golden rules, but you can take heed of the following steps:

1. Remind them of the good things they've done. Even at their last moments, you definitely want them to feel that their lives are not in vain. They have contributed something not just to you but to the rest of the world. Talk about the good things and the pleasant memories. You can create a scrapbook or an album you can show to the dying. He or she can then turn the pages if he or she wishes to reminisce.

2. Don't treat the person too differently. Families and friends tend to treat the dying with a lot of pity and sadness. Unknown to you, the dying actually has a very excellent observation skill. They can easily detect if it's too hard for you to let go. In turn, it will be hard for them to say good-bye. Don't see them as totally different person. As hard as it may be, act as you usually do when he or she is still completely well.

3. Allow them to say good-bye. It's not only you who has to say good-bye. A lot of dying patients want to take the opportunity to do that too. After all, they are the ones who are going to do the leaving. It's essential you give them the liberty to bid farewell. Don't say, "You are still not dying" or "You still have a lot of days to live." You are only making things harder for them.

4. Listen very carefully. There are a lot of things the dying would like to talk to you. Perhaps there are still some activities they wish to accomplish, people they wish to see, or they just want to reflect on the possible death they are going to experience. Just be there to listen. There's really no need to give some advice unless he or she asks you.

5. Be there when the time comes. The dying may tell you they want to go alone, but the truth is it makes them really scared. So be there for them at the moment of death. It's going to be quite difficult, but it's one of the best things you can do for the beloved. Your inner strength may also be needed by friends and family who have weaker hearts than yours.

6. Keep yourself strong. Strength is one of the things you definitely need when you're about to face grief. When you know that it starts to dissipate, just use subliminal messages. There are many subliminal messages you can recite before seeing the dying or when you're meditating. These subliminal messages may be the following:

I am blessed by the friendship and love of (name of the dying).
I accept the process of death and grief.
I embrace the pain.

Nelson Berry is The Pioneer of Subliminal Messages Audio & Video Online and Subliminal Messages Expert for More Than Two Decades! You Love The Way That YOUR Life *Flows* and LOVE the Feelings, Fun, Fortune and Happiness it gives YOU! YOUR Dreams Really Do Come True!! Click Here for a FREE Subliminal Messages Video Download ($39.95 Value) Right Now -- Today! Try It: http://www.subliminalmessagesdownloads.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Nelson_Berry

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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Is Death Preordained?

By William Allan
Anonymous, I have read that God decides in advance the time and place of our death. Is this possible and if it is, can it be changed? Are we destined to die at some specific time and place and is there any way to know when and where in advance and maybe arrange not to be there at the appointed time and place, and skip the appointment?

First and foremost, there is much that needs to be cleared up regarding the subject of death. Death is something that mankind has feared and been fascinated with since the beginning of time, but in order to have any intelligent discussion, we must first agree on a commonly held definition of the word "death".

Dictionary definition; Death is the act of dying; the end of life; the total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions of an organism.

In this article and for purposes of discussion, the Soul is the Entity, one and the same, it's just that for personal reasons I prefer the term Entity over Soul, due to detrimental religious baggage attached to the term Soul.

In greater terms, there is truly no such thing as death as you understand it. The above definition is correct to a certain extent, but not entirely true in other terms. At what you would call the point of clinical death, a perceived cessation of all vital functions is misleading at best. Your physical body does terminate some physical functions upon death, but that does not mean the your body is devoid of all conscious actions.

It is true that the vital functions of the physical body do shut down upon death, but the human personality is much more than the physical body. In fact the physical body represents only a small percentage of the human personality while it is materialized in human form.

You are not your physical body, and never were. Your consciousness uses the physical form as a vehicle to gain experience while it is centered in the physical world. Your consciousness exists independent of physical form. It existed before you had a physical body and it will continue to exist after the physical body is long gone.

Your present habit of trying to pinpoint the exact time of death is erroneous at best, since there simply is no one exact point of death. Dying is a process, a withdrawal of the directive consciousness from the corporal structure, but this process is usually not an abrupt exit, but a gentle departure that can take varying lengths of time, depending on the motivations of the dying personality.

There are many extenuating circumstances considered as the personality makes the decision to leave the physical plane behind, many of these circumstances having to do with the desires of the dying personality with regards to his intensity of affection for the physical system and for those who he leaves behind.

If someone operates well in the physical system, he is usually more reluctant to part ways, but on the other hand, if the personality has not adapted well to physical life, he may be anxious to get out of his body and leave the earth system behind.

Your physical body is much more and far more complex organism than your scientists realize. Your physical body, in terms of inhabiting consciousness, is composed of your inner conscious personality attributes, the overriding directive consciousness of the organism.

But there is much more to consider. In an over-simplified way, your physical body is a two part construction, consisting of the inner directive, identity consciousness that you refer to as the ego, the (I) that you know so well and the bodily consciousness, about which you know very little. The body consciousness operates under the directive of the inner self and functions quite automatically.

You, in total, are made up of literally millions of small conscious particles, beginning with the smallest known to science such as electrons, atoms and molecules. The physical body is the result of almost unimaginable co-operation of these innumerable, smallest conscious, physical particles, working together to construct a viable physical construction that will serve as a home for the directive, self aware consciousness of the physically materialized directive, ego personality while it is focused in the physical system.

Unbeknownst to most of science today, every bit of physical matter possesses some degree of consciousness. This body consciousness is a gestalt consciousness composed of the minute consciousness of every particle that joins in the physical construction.

To understand this and much more about the miraculous assemblage of atoms, molecules and organs that participate in the construction of the physical body, you must at least begin to understand the co-operation required of all elements that participate in this construction.

I know this will be hard to understand for those who are new to these articles, but understanding the creation of the physical body, you will also have a leg up on understanding the construction of your environment, your world and your universe. They are all created in precisely the same way.

Consciousness is a participating endeavor in which all physical particles join into gestalt formations of every physical object and event, but for now lets stick with objects. These smaller particles, such as electrons, protons, atoms and such all have an inner knowledge of their being, and at the risk of being committed, I must also tell you that the same particles that compose a rock, in their limited way, also posses a more generalized consciousness. To you, they would not be considered alive since they don't move about, but neither does a flower or a blade of grass, but still, they do perceive.

It can be no other way, since consciousness creates physical matter, and if a rock did not have some degree of conscious awareness, it could not be a rock. I would like you however, to keep in mind that "everything is consciousness". There is nothing that you can see or perceive, in your waking state or in your dreams that is completely devoid of consciousness.

When you die, your inner directive consciousness has begun a process of separating itself from the physical body. To attempt to identify the exact time of death happening is a mistake, since in some cases, such as in the "coma state", that separation has happened long before the last breath is taken.

When the enduring inner personality withdraws from the body, the body consciousness, which is composed of the individual consciousnesses of all of the smaller particles, may live on for varying lengths of time. It is not uncommon upon exhuming graves of those long dead, even after hundreds of years, to find that the hair and finger and toenails are continuing to grow.

You live in a world of freedoms of actions and movement, limited mostly by your own beliefs. When you took on a life in the physical system, you were given complete independence from your Soul/Entity and while the physical body is alive and functioning, there is and can be no interference. Actually, from the perspective of the Soul or Entity, it is incapable of interfering once a new personality has been given life. So, you are on your own, for better or worse.

As far as the creation of new personalities, God has very little to do with that, since it is the Entity that creates new personalities, the Entity, so intellectually and spiritually advanced, that it has what you would consider God-like qualities. It is the Entity that creates new personalities and it is the Entity that is involved when the time of death approaches.

To the Entity, who sees beyond death, death is no big deal. The life of a personality could be compared to a day in the life of the entity. The death circumstances of any personality are known in advance by the Entity, but in terms that need further explanation.

You live in a probable system of reality, where all possibilities of action are probable. What that means in laymen's terms, is that all probable actions, including death, exist simultaneously alongside of all other probable actions. Some possible actions are more probable than others, and for that reason, some rather reliable predictions can be made in advance, by being able to perceive the field of probabilities.

All physical actions are materialized and rise up out of the field of probabilities, but until the final choice as to which action will be taken, which event will be chosen to materialize, changes can still be made. From this, you can see that there can be no such a reality as "pre-destination".

As an example, a very simple analogy is in order here. Lets presume that you are a racecar driver. In the field of probabilities, which I hope by now, you have gathered is a field of psychological future events; all of your possible future probable deaths exist from the day of your birth.

For you, it would not be too far off base to make an assumption that the possibility of a violent death would be more probable than a peaceful death in a nursing home. But, that taken into consideration, it would still be impossible to predict or know for sure, since new choices can be made at any time prior to selecting specifics.

At the very last minute, before a race, you could get sick, withdraw from the race, be taken to the hospital and die in bed of pneumonia, although this would not be the most likely probability.

The final death decision is made through inner communication between the Soul/Entity and the personality. Usually there is agreement, but in the end, the Entity will make the important decision to continue or to terminate the present life, knowing that nothing more of great value can be gained by prolonging the inevitable.

On another level, no one ever dies who is not ready to die. The Soul/Entity is aware of this information before you are born and you are not disconnected from your Soul.

From its lofty standpoint, the Soul/Entity knows what is best and has the interest of the personality in mind. The Entity, being aware of the continuity of life, already sees a probable new life rising out of the field of probabilities. Unfortunately, at this stage of your development, you are not privy to the same type of information.

As far as God and life's events are concerned, there is NO SUCH THING AS PREDEISTIATION!

My name is W. Allan, single male 65, a resident of Naples Florida. I graduated from Washington University in St. Louis and have in the past, written a column called SECRET REALITY, for spiritual and metaphysical magazines. I have recently published two e-books available on Amazon Kindle, Barnes & Noble Nook, Sony E-Reader and several other e-book formats. You can contact me any at my e-mail address: w.allan@hotmail.com.

Books can be previewed and purchased at;

Why Do Bad Things Keep Happening To Me?
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B006XY2CT4

What is God?
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B006TESXGY

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=William_Allan

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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Virtual Interview with Author Carolyn Brent

Today I have the great pleasure of being the host on Day 3 of the Virtual Blog Tour of author Carolyn A. Brent whose book Why Wait? The Baby Boomers' Guide to Preparing Emotionally, Financially and Legally for a Parent’s Death launches on Amazon on Tuesday November 15, 2011.

Author Carolyn A. Brent, M.B.A. is a former clinical educational manager in the pharmaceutical industry. She is an avid activist and advocate working with the U.S. Congress for the purpose of creating change to protect seniors and veterans from financial and medical abuse. She has appeared on many local and national TV and radio shows, and is a sought-after keynote speaker.

Yesterday, Carolyn visited Lynn Serafinn at http://lynnserafinn.com/news-lynn-serafinn-coach-author-workshops-radio-community-leader/what-no-one-wants-to-talk-about-but-absolutely-must , where Lynn shared with you a summary and live interview recording with Carolyn.

Today, I'd like to share with you a recent interview I had with Carolyn when I got to ask her some important family questions around support and being prepared. I hope you enjoy it.

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Yvonne Perry: I know that end-of-life issues are very important, but this is one of those topics most people don’t like to discuss. What do you think are some of the crucial emotional conversations parents, and siblings?

Carolyn A. Brent: Thank you for this wonderful question. You are correct people do not want to have these types of conversations.  However, if a family avoids talking about the emotional things such as money, hospitals, the "what if" and wait until there is a sudden unexpected emergency, all hell can breakout due to emotions running high.  So, it is best to be prepared for your parent’s end-of-life physical, mental, and emotional challenges and ultimate death, by having the conversation early rather than later.

Yvonne Perry: My mom is a caregiver for her 95-year-old mother. I would like to see my mom taking better care of her own self and asking for help when she needs it. Do you have any tips about how to get some help when other family members can’t/won’t step in to relieve the full-time caregiver?

Carolyn A. Brent: Reach Out for Support!  It is critical that you reach out for support for your mom.  You can support your mom by asking extended family members and friends to contribute in any way to take some of the pressure off your mother. If your family members can’t/won’t step in to relieve your mom, REACH OUT and get RESPITE CARE for your grandmother. Respite Care will allow your mom to get a week or so off from her 24 hours a day 7 days a week from the work of a caregiver. You want to help your mom avoid caregiver burnout….

Also, take your mom to a day spa, you can offer your mom a day off, a week off, but simply do your best to assist in any way you can to let your mom know that she is not alone.

Yvonne Perry: At what point should a family decide to choose hospice care for an ailing loved one?

Carolyn A. Brent: Hospice care is appropriate when a person will no longer benefit from curative treatment and life expectancy is approximately six months if the disease runs its normal course. The decision for someone to enter a hospice program will be a joint decision between the person, his or her family members, and his or her primary care physician and the hospice medical director.

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I hope you enjoyed this interview with Carolyn A. Brent and that you’ll check out her book Why Wait? The Baby Boomers' Guide to Preparing Emotionally, Financially and Legally for a Parent’s Death at http://www.babyboomersguide.org/book-launch/pre-launch.html

Here Are Two Reasons Why:

FREE 3-DAY PASS

When you visit the page at the link above and request a "launch reminder", you will automatically receive a FREE pass to Carolyn's 3-day "Why Wait? Telesummit", with a panel leading experts preparing emotionally, financially and legally for the death of a parent.  You can listen to the telesummit online in the comfort of your own home, and even ask questions during the broadcast.

This telesummit is a completely free
"no purchase necessary" gift from Carolyn

To register, go to

http://www.babyboomersguide.org/book-launch/telesummit.html

FREE GIFTS

When you buy Carolyn's book on Tuesday November 15, 2011, you can ALSO receive a complete library of beautiful personal development gifts from authors, speakers, coaches and other enlightened professionals from around the globe including one from me:

MP3 audio book of More Than Meets the Eye ~

True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife

To claim your 3-Day Pass and read about the free gifts, go to: http://www.babyboomersguide.org/book-launch/pre-launch.html

Thanks for reading! As usual, please feel free to share your comments and thoughts below. I love reading your feedback.

AND… be sure to follow Carolyn tomorrow when the next stop on the Virtual Blog Tour is Kathleen H. Wheeler, who will be interviewing Carolyn on understanding various different family relationships and what to do/expect.  To visit that "stop" on the tour, go to http://broughttomysenses.wordpress.com/2011/10/16/carolyn-brent-aging-parents-caregiving-issues-family-relationships

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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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All answers are within the heart!

Recently, I recorded a podcast with Janice Mickle, who provides shamanic healing, energetic healing work, and spiritual counseling. Her personal mission is to help others understand and embrace the knowing that we are all spiritual beings, each being is complete and perfect, and all answers are within the heart.


In the third segment of the 4-part show, Janice talked about conscious dying, which is end-of-life transition assistance for someone who is ready to peacefully transition to the afterlife. n part three, Janice discusses this process. She is considering starting a class to teach others how to do this for a loved one. I think the readers of this blog might be interested in knowing more about this topic, so I'm sharing the audio here.

In this segment, she also discussed soul retrieval. When a person is wounded or abused mentally, emotionally, physically, or sexually, or has had a traumatic experience such as witnessing death or killing someone during wartime, the soul may fragment and parts may leave the body. This is commonly known as dissociation or post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These fragments of the soul can be retrieved and reintegrated into the body using a journeying technique known as a soul retrieval.

Click on the arrow to listen:

If you would like to hear then entire show, go to http://weareoneinspirit.blogspot.com.

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For more information on death, dying, and afterlife, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers.

State of Mind, State of Health

Mind over matter. What you think about comes about. God helps those who help themselves.

You've probably heard all those quotations, but never are those statement so relevant than when someone is trying to recover from an illness. If someone is given a diagnosis of cancer and is told he or she has six to eight months to live, it's amazing how the patient will conform to those expectations. My aunt decided to live the rest of her days to the best of her ability and she has already outlived her predicted time allotment. My grandmother (Nanny) is another case in point.

Nanny fell and broke her hip and arm last November (2008) and had two surgeries to correct the damage. Her mind was set for recovery and she worked hard every day to regain her strength. She cooperated with her physical therapist and exercised to keep her joints mobile and her muscles toned. After this last bout in the hospital, she has given up. She says she "can't"do it anymore. She refuses to eat or believe that she can get better. She constantly asks for pain medication. She's 93; I'm sure she hurts all over. But, we have this tug of war between her body and her mind to deal with.

Staying focused seems extremely difficult for her. One minute she's praying for Jesus to take her home. The next minute she's asking him to help her heal. A double-minded person is unstable in all her ways and need not expect anything to happen as a result of prayer. The universe is always willing to help us manifest our desires, but we have to be consistently clear about what we want. I'm not sure Nanny is able to do that. Her body is still too strong to succumb to death, but her mind is too weak to stay focused on recovery.

Our state of mind definitely affects our state of health. Life is all about choices. I hope we are all making choices that will help us stay as healthy as possible.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com