Death of a Child - Does Loss of a Child Really Destroy Marriages?

By Kimberly Pryor

You've probably heard people quote statistics that parents who suffer the death of a child are more likely to divorce. In fact, the often-quoted statistic is that 75 percent of parents eventually divorce within months of the loss of a child. However, that number was the guesswork of a book author who wrote about this subject in 1977. Studies conducted since then paint a different picture.

The Compassionate Friends, the nation's largest self-help bereavement organization for families who have experienced the death of a child, conducted a survey in 2006 that showed a divorce rate of 16 percent among bereaved parents.

In another study, researchers at Montana State University-Billings administered a survey to parents who had suffered the loss of a child. The results? Nine percent of the respondents divorced following their child's death. And 24 percent of the remaining respondents had considered divorce--but had not actually done so. So in 33 percent of the couples taking the survey, the death of a child had stressed the marriage, but the divorce rate was nowhere near 75 percent.

A third study, published in 2010 in the Journal of Clinical Oncology, investigated whether there was a higher divorce rate in spouses whose child developed cancer. Cancer in a child was NOT associated with an increased risk of parental divorce overall. However, increased divorce rates were observed for couples where the mothers had an education greater than high school level. The risk was particularly high shortly after diagnosis, for couples with children 9 years of age and younger at diagnosis, and after a child's death.

If you have experienced the heartbreak of the death of a child, know your union with your spouse has a very strong chance of becoming even stronger. Still, in some cases, this tragedy can stress a relationship. To keep your marriage as healthy as possible, grieving parents should keep the following in mind.

Avoid Blame

Blame is highly toxic to any marriage because it involves accusing your partner of wrongdoing. For example, a husband holds his wife responsible for their teenage son's death because she gave their son permission to stay out late and drive to the movies with friends. On the way back from the movies, their son died in a car crash. In this scenario, the blame may erode the marriage's foundation.
Sometimes, grieving parents direct their blame at an outside entity. Compare Meryl and George vs. Patricia and Joe. Meryl and George's 11-year-old son Danny died of heart problems. Neither one blamed the other for the death. However, Meryl, who is Jewish, and George, who is Lutheran, were both angry with God. Prior to Danny's death, Meryl agreed to raise Danny as a Lutheran, and their little boy attended church activities and often arrived before the services so he could talk to the pastor. When Danny died, Meryl and George felt as if God had punished them unjustly for raising their son right. However, the couple was able to let go of their anger at God. Three years after Danny's death, George stepped inside a church for the first time since the funeral. More than a decade later, George and Meryl's marriage is still strong.

For Patricia and Joe, who lost their son Jimmy in a car accident, it was a different story. At first, the accident drew them closer together--until Joe blamed God for the accident, and his days were consumed with overwhelming anger that never subsided. Patricia, on the other hand, turned to God after Jimmy's death. They tried counseling, but Joe's bitterness at God and nearly everyone around him damaged their marriage, and the couple divorced.

Resolve Your Guilt

The study by the Montana State University researchers mentioned above found that

parents who have considered divorce after the death of a child are far more likely to express guilty feelings and frequently or sometimes perceive that their spouses expressed guilt. Those who hadn't considered divorcing were more likely to rarely or never feel guilt and were much less likely to perceive that their spouse expressed guilt. If you feel guilty in some way about your child's death, counseling may serve as an effective way to help resolve your feelings.

Realize You Both Grieve Differently

Our spouses often have similar interests and belief systems to our own. Grieving may be the first time in our relationships when we notice a significant difference between the two of us. Women, for example, are often more open and talkative about their grief while men tend to bundle their emotions inside or try to hide their vulnerability by grieving when alone. Men also can express their grief as anger. For example, when George discovered Danny had died, he punched the bedroom door, smashing a hole in the wood.

Allow Each Other to Grieve at Your Own Pace

Many of you reading this have heard these words before: "Why don't you move on? It's been a year now (or two years, or three, etc.)." When family says this it can be frustrating enough. But when a spouse feels as if it's time for you to move on it can feel devastating. Everyone grieves at his or her own pace, and we have to accept our partner's timeline. George and Meryl learned this firsthand.
About a year after Danny's death, Meryl wanted to visit his grave every week. George wanted to visit less often. At first, this hurt Meryl's feelings. But George convinced her going every other week was part of letting go. "I get a little crazy if it gets longer," Meryl admits.

Kimberly Pryor is the author of the bestselling ebook The Indestructible Relationship: A Couples' Guide to Coping with Bankruptcy, Natural Disasters, Infidelity, Illness, Death of a Child and Other Crises-Both Big and Small. The book tells the touching story of ten couples who have overcome adversity, including Meryl and George Muller, who lost their 11-year-old son Danny to heart disease. For more information on how The Indestructible Relationship can serve as a written support group for couples who have experienced the death of a child or other adversities, visit http://www.indestructiblerelationship.com or purchase The Kindle ebook here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004HIM3GU.
 

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kimberly_Pryor
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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Creating an Online Memorial Website Can Help With Grief and Bereavement

By Mark Dubray

Coping with the loss of a loved one and the grief that ensues can be overwhelming and sometimes difficult to manage. Death is one unavoidable certainty that we can expect in one's lifetime but that we rarely think about on a regular basis. So when it does occur, we are sometimes unprepared. This can cause a lot of stress in a person's life, and they may not know how to deal with it.

Bereavement from losing a loved one can be one of the most stressful events in a person's life. Stress, especially if persistent in nature, can affect a person's well-being and lead to serious health problems that may disturb multiple organ systems. The digestive, immune, cardiovascular and nervous systems may all be afflicted and lead to potential life threatening conditions such as bleeding ulcers, chronic infections, depression, diabetes, and heart disease. If a person does not address their grief and the stress associated with it, it may alter their overall health status for the worse.

With the advent of the internet, more people are using online means to seek out social support and facilitate the grieving process. One such medium is an online memorial website, where people can create a profile to commemorate a deceased loved one. Memorial websites can help to honor the legacy of loved ones through contributions from other people from around the globe. Photos, videos, and messages are some of the features that can be shared by family and friends and thus a place to preserve these memories for future generations to enjoy.

Online memorials have become a beneficial platform for those in mourning by allowing access to support from family and friends. Sharing meaningful memories of the deceased with others can help to initiate positive emotions. Research has shown that conjuring positive emotions and a strong social support network during times of grief can help reduce the effects of both chronic and acute stress, as well as allow a person to recover from grief faster.

Benefits of creating an online memorial:

1. It can give unlimited access to a support network of family and friends from all over the world.
2. It can help bring out positive emotions and, therefore, reduce stress and heal faster.
3. It can be a place to preserve favorite memories of a loved one through shared comments, photos and videos.
4. It can allow a bereaved individual to discuss their feelings, at any time of the day, with people who may be dealing with a similar grief.
5. It can be a place to create a family tree to be passed on to future generations.

It should be noted that in certain circumstances, such as with a sudden or traumatic death of a loved one, how a person copes can vary from person-to-person. At some point, there may be a need for professional intervention.

MemoryChestMemorials.com is an online memorial website that offers interactive memorial profiles to commemorate a loved one forever. It also donates a portion of its proceeds to a variety of charities.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mark_Dubray
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7453437

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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Grieving Losses That Can't Be Prepared For

By Steve Wickham

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night."
~Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892-1950)

As a new parent-to-be (after nearly 15 years since my last child was born) I have found myself strangely cognisant of the fact that I can prepare for the baby's birth, yet, in some ways, I will be inadequately prepared, come what may. The same revelation hits the person who has lost a dear one to a prolonged battle; a wife or husband, a child, or a parent; a best friend. Such losses we have time to prepare for, but there is no preparing for what it might be like when they are actually gone.

The experience of loss, as captured in the quote above, is a void where we have no way of imagining the loved one as gone - in reality.

Here today, gone tomorrow.

That's about as clinical as our understanding gets. And whilst it is a relief for many to have said their goodbyes, there is always the anguish of missing these dear ones. With time and love we have access to healing, and best of all is the remembrance of their lives and the impact they made on us and others.

THE FINALITY OF DEATH

It seems so obvious to state that death is final, and we know no better truth throughout our lives than this, but experiencing death as a final and lasting phenomenon always shocks our human sensibility.

We can know that God is behind all creation and our existence by the fact that we are mortal; that there is nothing we can do about our living, breathing life spans.

When, for one of many reasons, we die, our deaths proclaim evidence of the Lord. Because our lives are given to us as gifts, and are taken away with just as much lack of control on our parts, our lives are given (and taken) by a Higher Power - God.

However long we live will not change one fact: we will never get used to the idea of death. It will continue to confound us, unless we, with God, accept the mysteries abounding in death. We need to surrender all our ill-feeling to our compassionate God.

THE 'WHY' OF GRIEF

Many people want to know why we experience grief.

It's because we are inherently emotional beings; thinking, feeling individuals with not only the capacity for love, but the eternal design to love. It's because of love that we grieve so much. If we were able to not love, the pain of grief could be overcome easily.

With an eternal design wired biologically into us (Ecclesiastes 3:11), we have no choice but to love, unless we would have our consciences seared, and that is no safe alternative.

We are 'condemned' to grieve because of love, but such a thing is not really a condemnation; love simply forces us to grow, and where we can't grow we can't belong to love. Remaining in fear is an inferior choice, but love requires courage; we can manage just one day at a time.

***

Many losses we cannot prepare for, even those losses connected with terminal illnesses. Grief, we see, is a product of love, and, because we can't help but love, we will grieve our losses terribly. But God is in this with us, growing us toward him in the healing.
© 2013 S. J. Wickham.
 

Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner and holds Degrees in Science, Divinity, and Counselling. Steve writes at: http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com.au/ and http://tribework.blogspot.com.au/
 

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Steve_Wickham

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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Author Writes Book from Messages Received from Son in the Afterlife

Author Gene Skaggs joins LavendarRose today on We Are One in Spirit Podcast to talk about some comforting messages he received from his son in the afterlife.

Gene has been a student of A Course in Miracles since 1979, and has written four books on the course titled: A Beginner's Glossary to a Course in Miracles, The Relationship Game Changing the Rules, 101 Questions and Answers on the Course, and Biblical Quotes from the Course Reinterpreted. Gene has been teaching the Course three times a week since 1988. He has a private counseling practice, does numerous talks and workshops throughout the county, and is a certified Psych-K facilitator.

In part one of this two-part interview, Gene discusses his latest book, Anderson Speaks. This book tells a story that began August 6, 2009, when at the age of 22, Gene’s son, Anderson, laid his body down. The next day, Anderson began giving his father numerous messages from the afterlife. The book contains those messages, plus tips on how to navigate the loss of a loved one, how to comfort those who have lost a loved one, stories of who Anderson was while he walked this planet, and messages for his generation.

Listen to part one by clicking on the small arrow in the player below.

The World is a Mirror of My Thoughts

The purpose of religion is to help us find that connection with God that we already (still) have and think we have lost but haven’t. Most religions teach that this connection was lost in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit. The purpose of A Course in Miracles is to deliver us from the erroneous belief in separation that our egos have convinced us is true.

It impossible to be separated from God. But there is an illusion that the ego has created that makes us think we are. We are manifesting outwardly what we believe inwardly. Everything we see around us that we are not pleased with is part of our thought system that must be renewed by the Holy Spirit as He removes our wayward thoughts and bring truth to bear on every situation so that our external situation begin to mirror a more positive of who we truly are. When we change our internal thoughts, our world will change as well.

Click the small arrow in the player below to listen to part two in which Gene discusses A Course in Miracles and Psych-K. Psych-K gets the unwanted files out of the way so you can experience yourself as one with our Creator.

The book can be purchased as paperback or e-book through http://www.geneskaggs.com/ or on Amazon. Also available for Kindle Reader. You can read more about Gene here www.onemiracle.org or www.geneskaggs.com.

Sign up for Gene’s itinerary to learn where his next workshop will be: email onemiracle @ comcast dot net. As for the Course broadcast.
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You might enjoy reading More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife.
Purchase on Amazon.com

Greiving Less by Being Around People

When my grandfather passed in 1988, my grandmother had a difficult time adjusting. What helped her most was to stay busy doing things with and for our family.  We took her to the beach that following summer just to get her out of the house and into a change of scenery. She never set foot on the beach, but she loved staying in the motel, cooking meals for the rest of us. We loved having her and I think it gave her a new perspective on life without Pap.

Even though it's been twenty-two years since his death, my grandmother (Nanny is now 94 years old) still gets a little melancholy around the holidays. Rightly so. She has a lot of loved ones waiting for her in the afterlife. Two of her five children are no longer in body--one daughter passed three days before Thanksgiving last year. Nanny's last remaining sibling, a dear sister whom she daily spoke with on the phone, passed a few months ago. Her loss is still very real. Even though Nanny can't get out much (she broke her hip two years ago and is only able to walk a few steps to get from bed to wheelchair) and is very hard of hearing, she desires to be around people. She has always been a very social person. She lights up when her grandkids, great grandkids, and great-great grandkids come to visit.

If she was able to get about more easily, I'm sure she would enjoy being part of a group and do things with people. I recently discovered our local senior citizens center and was surprised at all the opportunities they offer for connecting around fun projects. Not only do they have quilting and crocheting groups (I love both of these crafts) they have a beauty shop, low-impact aerobics, work out equipment, walking trails, computer classes, a cafeteria, a chorus/choir, and a drama club—they put on shows for the community! Plus, they take field trips together all over the state. The charge is like $10 per month, so it is very affordable.

Being around people is a good way to take your mind off the constant grieving. I think this type of activity would be a huge benefit to a grieving senior person. What do you think?

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For more information, you might enjoy reading More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife.
Purchase on Amazon.com

Grieving a Miscarriage

Mary Martin is our guest blogger today as she shares a touching story about how a little girl dealt with the death of her unborn baby sister when her family did not address the issue.


The Ice House

by Mary Martin

That's an old photograph of me taken the summer I turned nine. Squinting at the camera, I look as if I'm ready to run. Behind me, you can see a boy, several years older with dark curly hair and a pinched expression. That's my brother, Paul. You can tell from the tilt of the camera, that my older brother Pete took the picture.

We stayed in a small cottage high up on the rocks. To get to the water, we had to climb down a long rickety, staircase that arched its way among the bleached white rocks to the narrow beach below. One afternoon, coming out of the water, I felt something soft and thick on the back of my leg. I tried to brush it off.

Paul started laughing. "It's a worm, Francie!"

Pete tried to knock it off with a stick, but it wouldn't come.

I ran up the staircase as fast I could. In the cottage, I tried to stop my short, panicky sobs. Horror slowly spread across Mom's face as she tried to peel the black blob from my leg. Aunt Margaret got the salt and Dad poured it on the worm. Slowly, the creature curled smaller and dropped off. For days, I couldn't help fingering the long dent under the bandage made by the blood sucker. It seemed like a big chunk of me was missing. I wasn't allowed to go swimming for a while, but I didn't really want to.

The best part about the cottage was the ice house. Beyond the road running behind the cottage was a low building set in among the pine trees, which seemed to rise up forever. A man from the lodge would come every few days in his truck to unload the large blocks of ice for the cottagers. Made of old pine boards hammered together, the ice house kept listing dangerously to one side. The damp smell of sawdust drew you in. Waves of cold from the big blocks of ice strewn across the floor froze you solid. With the door pulled shut, the darkness inside was broken by bright knotholes of sunshine streaming in. Paul and I spent many afternoons defending the ice house with our stick rifles thrust through the holes. Holding our breath, we waited for the enemy attacks.

I was always liked playing with Paul, but it didn't happen often. He thought I was too little. But he had the best games, even though some of them were really strange. Because Mom was expecting the new baby late that summer, she was pretty tired and we weren't supposed to bother her. So, I hung around Paul a lot.

One afternoon, I asked Paul, "What do you think it'll be like with the new baby?"

Paul threw down his stick rifle and stared at me. "Who cares?" His face scrunched up. "Smarten up, Francie! You think it'll be like playing with your dumb dolls." With his face all pinched and angry, he started across the floor at me. "Well, it won't. Everything will be different."

He pushed me hard and I fell back against the huge iron tongs hanging on a nail by the door. He backed away. I could tell from his smile, he was thinking something up.

"You know, they torture people in here with those tongs," he said slowly. His glance forbade challenge.

"They take ice to the cottages with them." I insisted. Then, trying to sound grown up, I said, "Everyone knows that."

"Boy, are you dumb!" Paul shook his head slowly and peered out the knothole."Everyone knows that!" he mimicked.

Then he whispered so low I could hardly hear him. "They do it out here only at night, when babies like you are asleep."
Paul pretended to concentrate on the enemy. Even though I couldn't see his face, I decided to call his bluff, which wasn't easy for me. "How do you know? Mom and Dad don't let you out here at night."

Slowly, my brother turned away from the wall. The stream of sunlight illuminated his piteous expression. He sighed deeply. "Don't you know anything? You can sneak out once dad starts snoring."

Slowly, he reached up and lifted the tongs from the nail. They were so heavy, he almost stumbled. "Listen, if you stop acting like a stupid little kid, you can come tonight at midnight." Just like Paul to throw down the challenge.

"They heat the tongs up over a fire, before they use them." he added.

"Fire?" I thought I had him now. "There aren't any fires around here at night," I said.

With a grin, Paul turned on me in the doorway. "See what I mean? That's exactly what a baby would say." Then he was off, running ahead of me toward the cottage.

That night I lay in bed waiting for midnight and thinking about what Paul had said about the baby. I was still trying to figure out how babies were made. Mom wasn't much help. Something about bees and flowers. When Aunt Margaret tried to tell me, I got even more confused.

I liked Aunt Margaret a lot. If I had any idea of myself as a grown up woman, Aunt Margaret was everything I wanted to be. She had long, dark hair which was so shiny, I always wanted to touch it. When she laughed, it was a deep, husky laugh which hinted at something I didn't understand, but wanted to imitate. Sometimes I listened to her and Mom talking. Aunt Margaret was a nurse and I heard her talking about girls getting rid of their babies, at the hospital. I didn't believe it. Babies got sick and mothers got them better.

Finally, it was midnight. With the flashlight, I picked out the path through the bushes. When I crept into the ice house, it was really cold and still.

Paul's voice was harsh and tense. "Turn that thing off!" he hissed. I did. We were in darkness until my eyes adjusted. I could barely see him behind a huge box-like shape.

"Now," he whispered, "I'm going to show you how they heat up the tongs. They'll be here pretty soon."

"Who's coming?" I asked, not moving from the doorway.

"Them. All the members of the Secret Society!"

I heard a metallic click and then smelled the sick smell of lighter fluid. Paul had taken Dad's lighter. When the candle flickered, I could see. Paul’s grinning face, like a skull. What had looked like a box, really was one, except it was cut out in a funny shape and looked like an altar. The tongs were laid across the top of the box. Carefully, he set the candle underneath the one end of the tongs.

Sitting back, with great satisfaction, he said, "Now we wait."

"Wait for what?" I asked.

Paul looked at me in disgust. "I shouldn't have let you come. You're just too little for this! I said they'd be here and I have to be ready with the tongs."

Paul scuffed his foot and knocked the box over. The candle tipped sideways. The box began to dance in flames. I thought it was part of the plan, but his gasp told me it wasn't. For an instant, we watched the growing flames in fascination.

Paul knocked the tongs to the ground. Spreading his arms, he grasped both ends of the burning cardboard. He ran fast with the flaming box held high. The fire seemed to die out as he neared the cottage, but then it burst out again. His screams pierced the silent woods.

He's crazy, I thought. He'll wake everyone. Then I saw his shirt was on fire.

Dad was chasing him down the lawn. Paul flung himself toward the water's edge. Dad caught him and threw him to the ground. The shrieks became a low keening sound.

Aunt Margaret backed the car onto the lawn. Mom stumbled trying to get Paul up. Climbing in the car beside him, she slammed the door shut. Her face was pale and white in the window. Paul's shrieks rose above the engine's roar as the car bounced down the lane for town.

Unable to move, I stood alone on the lawn. Aunt Margaret and Pete brought me into the cottage. I kept saying, "The candle fell over. The box caught on fire. Paul was trying to get it to the water."

"But why?" asked Aunt Margaret. "What was he trying to do?"

I searched her face for an answer. "I don't know!" I said at last. "Something to do with a secret society and torturing people. One of his stupid games."

I couldn't lie down on my own bed. Finally, curling up on the verandah cot. I fell asleep staring at the moon. When I awoke the next morning, I was lying in the exact same position.

The sky was tinted pink with red streaks in it. Slowly, I turned on my back. I heard my Aunt talking on the phone. Finally, she hung up and came out to the verandah and sat on the end of the cot.

"Dad called from the hospital, Francie." I nodded and waited. "Paul will be all right. The burns aren't too bad."

I rubbed my eyes and watched her. I knew there was more.

"Francie?" She edged toward me awkwardly. "Your mom lost the baby last night."

I lay very still. When I finally spoke, I didn't recognize my own voice. "You mean the baby died?"

"Yes." said Margaret quietly.

I wrenched myself away from her hand and buried my face in the pillow. It was Paul's fault. His stupid games! The lump in my throat was so hard, I thought my head would burst. I didn't ask Margaret what was wrong with the baby, or why it died. I just asked, "It was a girl, wasn't it?" Aunt Margaret looked at me strangely and nodded.

After awhile, I got off the cot and went to my room. Standing on a chair, I could just reach the top shelf of the closet. I found the only dress I'd brought to the cottage. Mom usually helped me with the zipper, so it took a long time to dress without her. I went out to the kitchen. Pete and Aunt Margaret were sitting at the table. They weren't talking.

Standing in the doorway, I asked, "Will this be okay for the funeral?"

"Funeral?" asked Margaret carefully.

"Yes, for the baby."

Margaret was leading me to the couch and trying not to cry. "Francie, they don't have funerals when this happens."

"Why not?"

Margaret looked at me helplessly. "They just don't. I don't know why." Tears were running down her cheeks as she tried to hold me close.

I pushed her away hard, then ran from the cottage, as fast as I could, across the road to the ice house. I sat inside for a long time with my back against the biggest block of ice I could find. The cold made me ache all over. It was all because of the fire, I thought. I hated Paul and his stupid games. Then I got an idea.

Aunt Margaret and Pete were out looking for me, so it was easy to sneak back into the cottage. At the back of Mom's closet, I found a shoe box. In my room, Annabel, my doll was propped up against the pillow. There were lots of doll clothes in my suitcase and I went through them carefully, until I found just the right one. I took a long time dressing Annabel in her white dress. I sang to her while I combed her hair and washed her face. Then I placed her in the shoe box. She didn't look right just lying there, so I tucked the best hand towel I could find around her.

Back at the ice house, I got a shovel. I had to find the right spot. It was quiet and shady at the back. The hole was really hard to dig. The shoe box had to be buried deep enough. At last, I could make it fit.

Opening the lid for the last time, I kissed Annabel and stared at her for ages. I felt better, but the hard lump in my throat came back when I covered the box with earth.

Right away, I knew I needed a gravestone. In the bushes, I found enough stones to build one. I sat back against the wall and tried to think of the right words. I had never been to a funeral, so I had a lot of trouble.

Much later, Pete came around the back of the ice house. He looked relieved to see me, but I could tell he thought I looked really strange sitting there in my best dress, beside a bunch of stones.

I thought he would be mad, but he just said, "What are you doing, Francie? We've been hunting all over for you." He didn't look right at me.

"Can't you see? I've been having the funeral." Then I really started crying and couldn't stop. Pete sat down beside me and put his arm around my shoulder. Sitting together like that, I was glad he just waited and didn't try to make me stop and talk. When I was only sniffling, he helped me up and held my hand all the way back from the ice house.

Mary E. Martin, a lawyer, she wrote the legal suspense novels of The Osgoode Trilogy, Conduct in Question, Final Paradox and A Trial of One. She has just published the first novel in the next trilogy, set in not in the world of law, but art—The Drawing Lesson, the first in the Trilogy of Remembrance. Presently, she is immersed in the second draft of the next novel in this trilogy, provisionally called, The Fate of Pryde. Married, she and her husband live in Toronto and have three adult children. http://www.theosgoodetrilogy.com/

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For more information, you might enjoy reading More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife.
Purchase on Amazon.com

Resisting Grief

When we lose a loved one, we go through a multitude of emotions before finally reaching acceptance. We may dislike the changes that are occurring as a result and may feel very dissatisfied with our lives without that person.

“I don’t like this!”
“I’m not ready to let go!”
“It’s too much for me to bear!”
“This shouldn’t have happened!"

These thoughts come to our mind when we can’t acknowledge the simple truth that everything in the universe is flowing, and that we must flow with life rather than resist it. In denying what is happening, and refusing to move on, we fight against the universe and the whole of creation. This fight is a lost cause from the very beginning because the universal cycles of life and death are very powerful.

When we think about our life circumstances in terms of “it should be this way” or “it shouldn’t be that way,” we ignore the fact that everything happens for a reason, and though we may not know the reason, it is supported by the creative force of everything that exists. Souls make choices on an unconscious level and may depart before we are ready to let go of them. We may doubly grieve if the loved one we lost was very young or healthy or died suddenly through the actions of another person or random event. If we could see the bigger picture from a higher perspective, things would look a lot different.

We try to be strong for ourselves and others during a crisis, but repressing our own feelings only traps negative energy that can detrimentally affect our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. When our rational mind produces thoughts of resistance, our positive energy comes to a standstill. It stagnates and accumulates an excess of negative energy that leads to physical or emotional suffering. Before long, we grow accustomed to feeling bad and this attracts more painful experiences that lead to further accumulation of negativity that attracts more of the same, and so forth.

So what is one to do in order to move from denial, anger, bargaining, and depression into acceptance? There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but there are ways to move through grief more quickly without allowing it to harm your health.

Feel what you feel. Admit that you are angry, suffering, or depressed and ask for Divine help in dealing with your personal response to the situation at hand. God can handle your anger—it’s just an “E” motion—energy in motion. Energy is meant to be in constant motion; not to get stuck in your body where it can damage your cells. Expressing your emotions releases them, so don’t be afraid to cry, punch, or scream into your pillow to let go of the pent up feelings.

Be real. Live authentically by being honest with yourself. Who are you angry with? Why are you angry about your current situation? How does this anger serve you? What worries you most? Are there any positive steps you can take to make the situation better? What would your life look like in a couple of months if you make wise decisions now? Think of the many ways your faith in a higher power can help you move on.

Once you have let go of any energy that has lodged in your body and mind, you will have a better outlook on life and will be able to make decisions based upon logic and intuition rather than knee-jerk reactions you may regret later.

Speaker on Death and Grieving Topics

Yvonne Perry is available to speak about the topics presented on this blog and in her book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife.

There are some aspects of dying and death common to everyone regardless of background. These mainstream topics include hospice and palliative care; giving a dying patient permission to let go; the mind-body-spirit connection; helping a patient and family accept impending death; unplugging a dying patient from life support; signs that the end of life is near; and comforting the grieving family.

Those who are open to non-traditional thoughts will enjoy a presentation of the spiritual aspects surrounding death and dying, which include reincarnation; soul activity in the afterlife; assisting a soul in its release from the body; spirit communication during days/weeks after loved one dies; signs that a “deceased” loved one is trying to connect with a family member(s); and protocol for interacting with spirits. More info on this topic . . . 

Learn more about Yvonne and her speaking experience.

Need Comfort after Losing a Loved One?

A book to comfort those who are grieving the loss of a loved one. If you think you are being visited by a deceased loved one, check this out.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

A Grieving Child - How To Help Children Of All Ages Through Bereavement

Grieving infants: many people think that because infants are too young to speak or understand complex ideas, they are too young to grieve. That's not true, according to grief experts. Infants may not be able to articulate it, but they feel the changes that come when someone dies. Their schedule may suddenly change, they miss the smell of that person, and their parents may act differently, not playing as much or being quieter.

This confusing time may result in changes to their behavior. You may notice differences in their eating, sleeping or bowel movements. You might find it harder to soothe your baby or get the child to laugh at play time. He or she may be less receptive to strangers and change.

What to do:


Keep the baby's schedule as normal as possible.

Try to keep the baby at home as much as possible, with the same people he or she is used to.

Make every effort to soothe the baby with some extra cuddle time and calming words.

Two to six years old: death can be a confusing blow to the otherwise sheltered life of a young child. Parents who have previously tried so hard to protect them from life's tragedies suddenly have to explain them.

Young children generally struggle to comprehend three concepts surrounding death:

The first is the "non-functionality" of the body. Sometimes children can liken death to sickness. They think the person might be sleeping. They don't understand that the body that held the spirit of the person they loved is now lifeless.

Secondly, they can struggle to realize death's finality. No matter how many times cartoon characters get bonked on the head or run over, they always come back. Why can't their loved one do the same?

Lastly, children have yet to learn that everyone dies. They might believe that death can be avoided. They may return to the habits of a baby, revisiting behavior such as bedwetting, clinging and whining.

At this stage in life, children can take statements literally, so be careful with how you euphemize the situation. They can also be very self-centered about their thoughts, thinking that they may have affected the situation.

What to do:

Be honest.

Explain the difference between "very, very sick" and just "sick," as well as "very, very old" and just over 20, so that the child doesn't think everyone will die from circumstances that sound similar to how their loved one died.

Use concrete words such as "dead" and "died" to give the child a clear idea of what happened.

Explain clearly what death is and explain the feelings that go along with it. Tell the child it's OK to be mad and sad, but that eventually it will get better.

Give him or her permission to cry when they need to (even for boys) and also play when they want to.

Make sure your child knows he or she did not cause the death in any way.

Involve them as much as possible in the funeral planning.

Let the child know that you'll be there at the funeral, and also to support him or her in the months ahead.

Six to nine years old: at this point in life, children can understand the finality of death, but they don't understand their vulnerability to it. For that reason, they may be especially shocked if a peer dies. Children in this age group often think of death as something alive, a spirit or personification, such as the Grim Reaper.


Some think of death as contagious. Other children may tease or ignore a bereaved child at school, thinking that they can catch the death bug if they get too close. These children are at an age where they are very curious about the details of death. They're learning how bodies work, and they may want to know exactly how the person died and what will happen to the body.

It's best to be honest, yet reserved with the details. If you don't answer questions, they may get information from their friends, or may just imagine what they think happens, both of which can be inaccurate and more frightening than the real thing.

Make sure you explain death before going into other aspects, such as cremation or burial. They need to know that the body is no longer their loved one as they know it.

Lastly, it's OK to say you don't know something. Help your child find the answers they need.

What you can do:

Ask the child what he or she knows about death, and correct any misconceptions.

Be honest and use clear words such as dead and died.

Ask about the child's fears and discuss them. Tell him or her it's OK to be angry.

Explain the feelings that may come after a death.

Put in some extra cuddle and hug time.

Tell the child you love him or her and you're still a family.

Involve the child in funeral planning.

Understand they may turn death into a play game, such as burying their dolls.

Ten to thirteen years old: these kids are going out on their own, relying more and more on their friends and trying to fit in. Grieving can make them feel different and alone.

Tweens are also working out the right and wrong of life, and they may think they somehow caused the death by thinking ill of the person who died at one point.

At this stage in life, pre-teens understand the facts about death; they're more interested in the abstract ideas behind the "why." They may be wondering about the myths they've heard about death. Is there really a heaven? Could I die soon? Who decides who dies?

They're most likely to reach out to adults of their own gender. In their journey to becoming adult, they might try to emulate the characteristics of their gender. Rather than risk being called a sissy, boys may hold in their emotions to try to be a man. Girls may try to take care of everyone around them, perhaps at the risk of neglecting their own needs.

Even though they might spend time with their friends, it's still the advice and example of their parents that influences them the most.

What you can do:

Explain the death in a detailed way to ease their curiosity and their fears.

Explain the feelings that might come from their grief.

Provide a journal to help them write and make sense of their feelings. Encourage them to write letters to the person who died and record their memories.

Involve them as much as possible.

Talk to the parents of the child's friends. Make sure they discuss the loss with their children, and give them advice on how to support a grieving friend.

Visit http://www.thelightbeyond.com/ : helping you through bereavement, one step at a time...
Created by Lucie Storrs, The Light Beyond bereavement site, forum, inspirational movie and blog aims to help as many people as possible on their journey through grief.  Would you like our free Bereavement For Beginners ebook? Our gift to you, this practical, useful guide for the bereaved and those who care about them is packed full of information, inspiration, poems and words of comfort.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Why is Death and Grieving So Difficult?

I think our views of death (as well as the closeness of our relationship with the deceased) affects how we express grief. My view of death is that it is a normal part of life--the end of one life phase and the beginning of another. It is common for deceased loved ones to hang out with me.My Aunt Kat is with me in spirit. Therefore, I don't feel sad for her. She's starting her new journey in the afterlife.

I also think that the age of the deceased and his or her condition  prior to death has a lot to do with how survivors grieve. Knowing that Kat is not suffering physically gives me great consolation. However, it would be horrible to lose a child or a healthy person. We believe we are all supposed to live long, healthy lives--not be cut short by illness or injury. Our beliefs about dying young create a strong sense of loss. It's something none of us wish to go through. It's hard to find purpose in the loss of a child.

I'm working with a client who lost her son when he was a junior in high school. Her son has come to her in spirit many times, urging her to write about her healing journey that his death provided. He had a purpose in dying young. It was to help his mother's soul heal and create the life she was destined to enjoy in spite of her loss. I can hardly wait to share her book with my readers.

Talking about death should not be hard. We make it difficult because we fear upsetting others or perhaps we fear death itself, but the truth is it is very healing to talk with others about our deceased or dying loved ones.My grandmother (Nanny) and I talk openly and easily about death. We've both had near-death experiences (NDE) and have felt the peace of being spirit without a body. Maybe the purpose of my NDE was to help me share comfort with you and offer a compassionate voice of reason.


My cousins are grieving the loss of their mother, my Aunt Kat. One is taking is pretty hard, but I think there may be more guilt involved than grief. One cousin is doing quite well. She did all she could to support and assist her mother in her last days. She has nothing to feel guilty about. She may feel sad, but she is able to talk freely and positively about her mother. 

• Have you talked about your loss? 
• Can you find meaning in death? 
• What are your views about death?
  

Feel free to leave a comment and share your thoughts and feelings. I might be a very therapeutic part of your journey to wholeness.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Bader Field: A Journey of Love, Forgiveness & Acceptance

Carl David's new book, Bader Field, embodies the emotional story of a son's loving relationship with his father - a legendary art dealer whose life is suddenly taken by a massive coronary at the young age of fifty-eight years. His death plunges the twenty-four-year old man onto the front lines of the family art business, which he had entered a mere three years prior. Battling with his own grief while trying to help his adoring but fragile mother survive, David forges forward with all of the elemental tools his father imparted to him. His journey proves a difficult one, not having yet recovered from the horrific loss of his brother to suicide just eight years earlier when he was found dead on the fourth floor of the Rittenhouse Square tonwhouse, which was home to the prestigious David David Gallery. His self-imposed obligation is to successfully take the family art business to the next generation and to give his own children every bit of love, kindness, and wisdom bestowed upon him by the unique man whom they will never know other than the mark he left on everyone who knew him.

Bader Field adds significant insight into the myseterious workings and dealings of the art world. David speaks from experience of having been immersed in it all of his life and having lived it from the inside out. There will be a tremendous crossover interest in this book as it combines the elements of an American family, it's goodness and its tragedy interfaced with the multifaceted aspects of the art business and flying small airplanes. Bader Field in Atlantic City was the oldest airfield in the country. With little sophistication, its two asphalt runways juggled single and twin engine aircraft and exuded a character and charm that created memories to last a lifetime. That is where this saga begins and where it ends as life comes full circle.

http://www.nightengalepress.com

Listen to Carl David's Interview on Wellness Roadshow:
http://www.wellnessrdshow.com/archives/shows/?id=100098

Carl David is the third generation of a four-generation family art business in Philadelphia. He is the author of Collecting & Care of Fine Art published by Crown in 1981. His article about Martha Walter, an American impressionist painter (1875-1976) was published in the American Art Review in May 1978.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife available on Amazon.com.

Thoughts Before Writing A Eulogy

To say that the death of a loved one is a difficult time is an understatement. Every person is a unique individual and the ways in which we react to the passing of someone about whom we care are just as unique.

Though death is inevitable, very often, we’re not prepared to lose a loved one—no matter what the circumstances. Our minds and our bodies go through changes during the process of grieving. The amount of stress—especially on those closest to the deceased—is often overwhelming.

And, yet, the death of a friend or family member is one of the times when we are called upon to be our strongest and are faced with decisions and situations that may seem beyond our understanding or control.

Read More Here.. http://tinyurl.com/cognp8

Grieving and Moving on - Nanny, Why Don't You Sell That House?

My grandmother could not sell her house or any of Pap's belongings for many years after my grandfather died. She just wasn't ready to let go of the memories they had shared. No one in our family pushed her even when she let his 1971 Datsun pickup truck sit in the yard until it literally rusted and dry rotted. It wouldn't crank so no one could move it.

The neighborhood was going down in value and crime was increasing as renters took over the 50 year old homes. Then, one day Nanny came to my mother and said, "Doris, it's time. I'm ready to sell and get out of this neighborhood. Pap isn't coming back. He's not in that house or his truck. He lives in my memories and I can take them with me no matter where I live."

My mother lived next door. She and Dad had wanted to sell for years, but they waited for Nanny to make up her mind. Once they got the okay from Nanny, Mom and Dad put their house up for sale along with Nanny's house and the vacant lot between them that we had used as a garden plot for nearly 30 years. All three properties sold within a month at a price much higher than they expected.

Then, they found the perfect one-story house that backs up to the lake for all three of them to live together, each having their privacy in a split bedroom floor plan. It all worked out so smoothly, even the closing of the loan (HA!) we knew it was divinely guided. Mom added a glassed-in porch a few years ago with windows that open to let in the fresh air. Nanny has a place to sit outside just like she used to in the old house.

Everyone is happy with the arrangement and my grandmother doesn't have to live alone any more. She is 90 now and truly enjoying her life.

I visited my family over the Easter weekend. I know my grandmother is nearing the end of her life, but there are few lessons she has taught me.

Do what you want and don't let others influence you to change your mind.

Stand for what you believe in, even when it goes against popular opinion.

Live each day to the fullest; give it all you've got and you can rest when it is over.

Keep on going even when you feel you can't. Life is a journey and each step counts.

Love without expecting anything in return. Unconditional love is God working within us.

Let others help you. Don't be afraid to ask for assistance.

Be kind to the strangers your kids bring home. Let them eat at your table.

Let others do as they please and do not judge them for having values different than your own.
My grandmother has had more influence that I thought. She is a remarkable woman. If you've ever met her, you would agree that she is at least a saint; more likely she's an angel in human flesh!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Yvonne_Perry

Family Understands Process of Dying

As you know from yesterday's post, my grandmother, who lives with my parents, fell in the kitchen and broke her hip and arm on Friday, November 7. I headed for Atlanta that same day. At 92 and facing surgery, I wasn’t sure I would see Nanny alive again, but as it turned out, she did fine with the surgery to repair her hip. She was released the following Wednesday and I continued to stay to help my mom care for her mom. Nanny went back into the hospital by ambulance the following Wednesday because her oxygen level was low. An x-ray revealed pneumonia in her left lung. I think she is ready to depart for the spirit world so she will be there when her daughter, Kathryn, arrives. My aunt, “Kat” as we call her, is in hospice care for terminal cancer. However, both of these strong-bodied and determined women are doing well at the moment, for which I am very thankful. I hate for anyone to suffer. 

You might think all this trauma would make us sad, but the truth is my family does not view death as a tragic thing. Dying is as natural as being born because both are part of the never-ending life cycle.  

With my grandmother having five kids who produced twelve grandkids, twenty-seven great-grandkids, ten great-great-grandkids and two more on the way, it doesn’t take long to fill the house on any given holiday. Any time my folks get together, there is going to be a lot of love and laughter. In fact, we had a dorm party in the hospital room while awaiting Nanny to return from surgery. Starbuck's coffee was used as a replacement for the keg of beer typically used in a college dorm party.

I dearly love my aunt Kat. She and I have agreed upon a sign that she will give me to let me know what it’s like for her once she reaches the other side. I fully expect she will visit me. My other "deceased" (that word really doesn't mean "dead"; it just means they are no longer in a human body) family members have.

When sleeping in Nanny’s bed while she was at the hospital, I sensed a spirit presence in her bedroom. Since Nanny and I have both communicated several times with Pap (her husband) and Edmond (her son) after they passed, I expected the presence was probably one of them.

“Is that you, Edmond?”

BAM! The picture that was hanging over the bed where I was resting slid down the wall and stood upright behind the bed.

“I’ll take that as a yes. I suppose you want to know why I’m in Nanny’s bed?” I explained to him what had happened and his presence immediately left. I figured he went to look for her at Northside Hospital. I hope he knows about the new branch that has been built at Forsythe county since he departed. I suppose souls have pretty good GPS.

Over the next few posts, I’ll share some of the things that have transpired in the past few weeks or months as I deal with what seems to be a preparation for departure of my loved ones from their physical bodies.

Five Stages of the Grieving Process

There are many ways of coping with death. According to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a psychiatrist and prolific author of the ground-breaking book, On Death and Dying, there are five stages of the grieving process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Every person eventually passes through these five stages. It is wise to allow yourself to experience these stages as they unfold and let others come to terms with their loss and grief in a way that best suits them.

Interview with the Author

Conducted by Irene Watson of Reader Views

Irene: Yvonne, what inspired you to write More Than Meets the Eye: True Stores About Death, Dying and Afterlife?
Yvonne: I have always been curious about the other side, but while my uncle was on life support for almost a year, I kept sensing that I was being visited by his spirit. Moments after he passed away, (before my mother called to share the news) I heard my uncle’s voice in my head and knew that he had passed. He told me what songs he wanted me to play and sing at his funeral. I hadn’t yet been asked to play, but when my mother did call to tell me my uncle had passed, she also requested I sing and play for the funeral. Of course the songs my aunt picked were the same songs my uncle had requested during his supernatural visit. I sensed my uncle’s presence at the ceremony so strongly that I could only smile while everyone else was crying. To me, he had not “gone” anywhere. He was closer than ever.

Irene: Did you have a close connection with your uncle while he was alive?
Yvonne: Not really and that is why it was so strange that he chose to connect with me. He lived at least twenty hours away so I only saw him once a year. Somehow our spirits were more connected than our lives intertwined.

Irene: Your book is about quite a touchy subject that most people are afraid to talk about. How would you encourage people to face the subject and read your book?
Yvonne: I think most people are afraid of things they do not understand, and they either try to avoid the matter or find a way to invalidate their experience. The American view of death and afterlife is deeply rooted in fearful superstition and religious dogma that suggests punishment for sin. Much of this does not align with the experiences had by people who have had a glimpse of the other side. Due to fear of being rejected by family, friends and religious organizations, people are not comfortable sharing anything that veers from the path of what society considers “normal.” I find that when I talk about my spiritual experiences, people are genuinely interested and they feel safe enough to share similar encounters they have had. Once the ice is broken, they find the conversation so comforting and liberating, they want to read my book.

Irene: What do you mean by spiritual experiences?
Yvonne: communicating with the spirits of deceased people, having non-physical beings (angels, guides) interact with me, remembering parts of my past lives, picking up on another person’s energy field i.e.: knowing what is going on with them physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Irene: In your book you talk about experiences that some people have had. Most have the same experience. Would you please tell us about the commonality that occurs?
Yvonne: First, I need to determine if you are referring to the near-death or out-of-body experiences or to spirit communication with the deceased.

1. The NDE: The most common things experienced are: a feeling of unconditional love, a life review, being able to communicate telepathically, seeing deceased loved ones or angelic beings, seeing a light or tunnel, being given a choice of staying there or coming back to the present life, and accessing knowledge or record books pertaining to their life’s mission.

2. Spirit Communication: Most people who are energy sensitive are able to see, hear, sense or feel a presence in the room with them and are able to communicate telepathically with the being. Commonly, a bit of knowledge or a request is exchanged in the encounter.

Irene: What is the difference between near-death or out-of-body experiences?
Yvonne: A near-death experience occurs when a person is in a life-threatening situation or is actually pronounced dead then returns to the body. An out-of-body experience can occur during a life-threatening situation, or while in meditation or sleep (astral travel). Some people are able to have an out-of-body experience at will.

Irene: You have had some “close calls” yourself. Tell us about your near-death experience.
Yvonne: In 1977, I was burned in a grease fire that my brother and I set while our parents were not home. In my effort to put out the fire, I picked up the flaming skillet and started walking toward the door to get the pan out of the house. My hand caught fire, so I sat the flaming skillet down on the table to extinguish my hand. The tablecloth caught fire. I picked up the flaming skillet again and threw it through the screen door. Grease splattered everywhere; I slipped and fell to the floor. I was then aware of myself in two dimensions: from above the scene near the ceiling where I was looking down, as well as in my body as I sat inside the wall of flames. I remember feeling no pain; I was not panicking and felt totally peaceful even by the thought of dying. While my body instinctly kicked and tried to get out of harm’s way, I saw my life flash before my eyes and read a quick glimpse of my obituary in a newspaper column. I saw my parents saddened and grieving for me and I knew I had to live. It all happened in the flash of a second and when I re-entered my body, which had suffered 1st, 2nd and severe 3rd degree burns, I immediately felt excruciating pain and wanted to go back to the peaceful place where I had been hovering. The fire had completely gone out when I got up from the floor. I have not feared death since that day.

In 1988, I had emergency gall-bladder surgery to remove a gallstone that was blocking my bile duct and causing my gall-bladder to perforate. Toxins were starting to leak into my body and I had a sense that I was dying. Even so, I knew everything was going to be fine and I felt no sense of panic or fear. I had seen a huge, bright light either in a dream-like drug-induced state or in an experience I had while under anesthesia. When I awoke in the recovery room, I asked if I was still in heaven. A nurse answered, “Not hardly.” I was so angry to be back in my body on earth and having lived through the surgery. I did not want to be here. It took me years to get past the feeling that I had somehow been cheated by having to come back.

Irene: In More Than Meets the Eye you address suicide and some peoples beliefs as to what happens after suicide. What is your opinion of what happens to the person and what do you base your belief on?

Yvonne: I no longer believe in a punishing God. I do believe that the eternal soul incarnates from body to body on its evolutionary path. I believe we create our own heaven and hell by the beliefs we own and the choices we make. Therefore, I realize that we are here for a purpose that our soul knows quite well regardless of what our conscious mind tells us. With certain things to accomplish in a lifetime, a soul who leaves a body prematurely will need to come back into a human body to complete the assignment. It only makes sense that a suicide is the result of a soul deciding to abort its mission. Once that soul reaches the other side, it realizes the mistake, gains insight about what needs to change, then prepares to come back to finish what it started. I base this upon what people have shared with me from their own supernatural experiences, research I have done and what the soul of a suicide victim showed me when I inquired of him on behalf of his mother who was severely grieving and troubled over what might happen to him as a result of his actions.

Irene: You talk to souls of people that are deceased? Explain to our readers how you do this.

Yvonne: I rarely initiate contact with a deceased spirit unless I am asked by a living relative and feel it is in the best interest of everyone involved to do so. However, there are times when I am in public that I accidentally tap into someone’s field. There are also times when I am alone and sense a presence wanting to make contact with me. In any of these instances, I may hear voices in my head that I know are not my own thoughts, or sense an energetic shift around me; I may feel a sensation as if someone is touching me, or I may see a mist or grey cloud hovering. Many times it is simply a sense of “knowing” some bit of information that has not been revealed to me in traditional ways such as sensing when a woman is pregnant when she hasn’t told anyone.

There have been times when spirits, not so lovingly have tried to attach to me. One actually broke a glass bowl in my kitchen to get my attention. Since then, I have set strong boundaries with the spirit world and they know not to contact me, enter my home or tap into my field without my permission. I have asked my angels and guides to set a watch around me and keep out intruders who have foul intentions. This is very necessary for anyone who is energy sensitive and finds themselves picking up illnesses or experiencing mood swings that have no logical source.

Irene: There are a lot of controversial thoughts around euthanasia, and you explain two types in your book. Late Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a renowned expert on death and dying, has changed many people’s thinking about their last days of life. She felt that euthanasia robbed people from completing their lessons and resolving issues that occurred during one’s life. What are your thoughts on this subject and why?

Yvonne: I respect and value Dr. Ross’s views about a soul needing time at the end of a life cycle to complete whatever unfinished business remains. I also consider the natural course of action a body in the same condition would have taken 100 years ago when we did not have life support technology and equipment. The most natural course for a body that has no hope of survival would be to allow the spirit to leave and the body fade away. Life support is a valuable tool for helping a person revive and live a healthy life. While each case is unique and should be approached individually, it is not usually in the best interest of the patient or his/her family to support a body in a vegetative state. Realizing that the soul has many more opportunities in the Afterlife and future lifetimes to resolve its issues and complete its evolution, it makes no sense to keep a soul imprisoned in a body that has no hope of recovery.

Irene: If you were to take the most important point from your book and share it with your readers, what would it be?

Yvonne: Listen to your inner voice, intuition or Holy Spirit (whatever you choose to call it) and you will find direction in fulfilling your life’s purpose. Interact with your guides and angels. Grieving the loss of a loved one is normal and everyone needs to allow themselves to feel legitimate emotions. However, the fear of death is an irrational fear. Death is just another realm of consciousness for which our spirit is preparing to enter. Letting go is much easier when you know that your loved one, not bound my human restraints, is happy and able to be near you in spirit.

Irene: Is there anything else that you would like readers to know about you or your book?

Yvonne: Make sure you have a living will. This removes your family’s burden and any guilt associated with making critical medical decisions for you should you be unable to do so. There is a free copy of a legal living will that you may download from my website: www.writersinthesky.com.