Why Deceased Loved Ones May or May Not Hang Around You

From time to time I get a question from a reader of this blog that I feel many people might want to have answered. So, with the permission of a gracious woman named Brenda, I want to share a segment of our discussion about why deceased loved ones may or may not hang around us here on Earth.

Brenda wrote:

"I am in the last stages of processing my dads passing. However, I still feel stuck between acceptance and denial. I'm a little angry that he is not here in the physical, and I feel a huge void. I keep circling between these emotions, then I'm ok, then, back to denial, sadness, and crying bouts! Do you think my dad sees me from where he's at? And, do they miss us too? I think the answer is yes!!! BUt, I need some input. I miss him and sometimes Im so tired of grieving. I want the pain to stop!!!! Im exuasted!!!! Please give me some input. Thank you."

To which I answered:

"Healing is a journey and it is very common to fluctuate back and forth between different emotions when grieving. I can’t tell you 100 percent that your dad can see you, but I can ask you to look for signs of his presence. The more those in body grieve for those who have left the body, the more we keep them earthbound. That’s because they want to know that we are okay with their leaving and they want us to be happy. If your dad feels that you are not okay without him, he will likely stay near you, but it may grieve him to do so. I say that because he has other missions/purposes that need to be tended to in the afterlife.

"You might want to have a chat with your dad (pull up a chair, light a candle, and just talk as if he's in the room) and let him know you are going to be okay and that you want him to find his joy in the next world/life. Let him know that you love and appreciate all you had here in this Earth life and that it’s okay to move on. I believe this will stop some of the grief you (and possibly, he) are experiencing."

By the way, our loved ones who have crossed over communicate with us in a variety of ways. They may bring a familiar smell, or leave coins, feathers, or other objects in our path. They may appear in bird, animal, or human form. They may come to us in our dreams, or may be the voice we hear in our head. You may hear a song that was special to him or her.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paths Toward Peace Of Mind As We Mourn

By Lou LaGrand

The pain, frustration, and suffering we go through after the death of a loved one is extremely difficult to cope with and grow through. However, great losses, particularly the changes that go with them, are constant and have to be addressed. Grief by nature is a transformational process: we learn new ways to adapt to a different life or continue to resist the inevitable changes that have to be made. Since there are numerous healing paths to follow, perhaps you will find one or more of the paths below to be one of your choices and provide achievable inner peace in the process.

1. Find your purpose/mission in life. Think long and hard on why you are here. Do you have a personal goal? Purpose gives us meaning and a boost in self-esteem. Examine your skills, abilities, and interests, very closely. Carefully ask yourself what moves you deep within. Then decide on a plan to follow in creating a purpose to lead you to a higher level of consciousness. The sense of accomplishment will transform your life and in the process pull you out of the shadows. The cost of not seeking your niche, your contribution, is overwhelming.

2. Focus more on what you can give and less on what you can receive. We all certainly need support in dealing with our losses. However, it is equally true, that at some point in our grieving seeking to help others even though we are hurting is a historically proven way to cope well. Start by paying the kindness you receive forward. Decide what has helped you up to this point in you grief; analyze it for the needs that it met, and try to meet similar needs in others. Think of these four basic needs we all hope to be fulfilled in our interpersonal relationships: attention, acceptance, affection, and appreciation. Decide on the many behaviors you can generate to meet these needs in others. You can build more peace within as you bring peace to them.

3. Choose to develop your ability to become more loving. Love is a great unused power in dealing with all sorts of difficult situations. Grieving and adapting to great losses are situations in which working to love deeper and more completely brings new perceptions in seeing the world and our places in it. Great love strengthens the quality of our inner lives.

Look for uplifting and inspiring readings or poetry which suggests loving kindness as the motivating force behind it; read a short paragraph daily and then commit to those loving actions as you go through your day. Ask yourself. "What actions can I take to give unconditional positive regard to someone today?" Developing this daily routine will add structure to your life and help stabilize the sense of disorganization that accompanies grief work.

4. Develop and nurture a belief in something greater than the self. For most, grief is a heart-filled spiritual journey which fills mourners with a different perception of life and death. It may be appropriate to join a spiritual community to be with others who share similar values. Just being in their company to listen can be a soothing experience and you may find spiritual exercises that bring great insight and peace.

The awareness of spiritual knowledge and the impact it can have on every facet of life is a resource of inestimable value in coping with the death of a loved one. If you don't have one, find a spiritual path. Don't allow the culture we live in to deemphasize the importance of faith and spirituality in living a full life and coping with the massive changes we all eventually face.

5. Be open to new ideas and ways to adapt to change. There are so many ways to cope with great losses, many we never think about. So read all you can about how others cope with their losses. Ask others how they were able to adapt to their great loss and find peace. For example, consider deciding to search for ways to deal with your pain and not run from it. Uncover new responses that help ease pain. There are some that will fit your belief system and you can implement them to your own individual situation.

Be sure to include ways to deal with stress which commonly builds as we think too much

about what we do not have. Daily stress management will not only help your mind, it will be a great gift to your body as well. Start by learning about mindfulness techniques and belly breathing.

6. Learn what you can and cannot control. One goal that all of the various grief theories agree on is that the ultimate goal of grieving is acceptance of what has occurred. Of course, not easy to do. This acceptance translates into coming to grips with what you can control, like in the present moment, and what you cannot change or affect from the past. No one can reverse what has occurred. Knowing the difference is a choice requiring wisdom and sometimes guidance from others. It can also require prayer and/or deep meditation. Making the choice of acceptance, which means to live with the fact, not necessarily like it, would be a great start to inner peace.

7. Set a goal to reach in honor of your loved one. Peace comes through doing as well as thinking. Allow yourself to be touched and motivated by the invisible presence of the beloved. Unwavering determination is of essential importance in completing your mission. So once you have chosen how you will pay tribute, create a schedule of when and how you will work on it. Develop the habit of eliminating self-sabotaging thoughts of what you don't have by switching to a focus on your progress of paying tribute to your loved one.

Continually work to create a conscious lifestyle that has peace of mind as a top priority. Make this is a daily duty.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lou_LaGrand

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7460257

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grieving Losses That Can't Be Prepared For

By Steve Wickham

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night."
~Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892-1950)

As a new parent-to-be (after nearly 15 years since my last child was born) I have found myself strangely cognisant of the fact that I can prepare for the baby's birth, yet, in some ways, I will be inadequately prepared, come what may. The same revelation hits the person who has lost a dear one to a prolonged battle; a wife or husband, a child, or a parent; a best friend. Such losses we have time to prepare for, but there is no preparing for what it might be like when they are actually gone.

The experience of loss, as captured in the quote above, is a void where we have no way of imagining the loved one as gone - in reality.

Here today, gone tomorrow.

That's about as clinical as our understanding gets. And whilst it is a relief for many to have said their goodbyes, there is always the anguish of missing these dear ones. With time and love we have access to healing, and best of all is the remembrance of their lives and the impact they made on us and others.

THE FINALITY OF DEATH

It seems so obvious to state that death is final, and we know no better truth throughout our lives than this, but experiencing death as a final and lasting phenomenon always shocks our human sensibility.

We can know that God is behind all creation and our existence by the fact that we are mortal; that there is nothing we can do about our living, breathing life spans.

When, for one of many reasons, we die, our deaths proclaim evidence of the Lord. Because our lives are given to us as gifts, and are taken away with just as much lack of control on our parts, our lives are given (and taken) by a Higher Power - God.

However long we live will not change one fact: we will never get used to the idea of death. It will continue to confound us, unless we, with God, accept the mysteries abounding in death. We need to surrender all our ill-feeling to our compassionate God.

THE 'WHY' OF GRIEF

Many people want to know why we experience grief.

It's because we are inherently emotional beings; thinking, feeling individuals with not only the capacity for love, but the eternal design to love. It's because of love that we grieve so much. If we were able to not love, the pain of grief could be overcome easily.

With an eternal design wired biologically into us (Ecclesiastes 3:11), we have no choice but to love, unless we would have our consciences seared, and that is no safe alternative.

We are 'condemned' to grieve because of love, but such a thing is not really a condemnation; love simply forces us to grow, and where we can't grow we can't belong to love. Remaining in fear is an inferior choice, but love requires courage; we can manage just one day at a time.

***

Many losses we cannot prepare for, even those losses connected with terminal illnesses. Grief, we see, is a product of love, and, because we can't help but love, we will grieve our losses terribly. But God is in this with us, growing us toward him in the healing.
© 2013 S. J. Wickham.
 

Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner and holds Degrees in Science, Divinity, and Counselling. Steve writes at: http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com.au/ and http://tribework.blogspot.com.au/
 

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Steve_Wickham

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peace about Transitioning to the Other Side

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For information about the dying and grieving process, euthanasia, suicide, near-death experience, and spirit visits after the passing of a loved one, you might enjoy reading, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife.

Purchase paperback on Amazon.com.

It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers.

The audio book is now available!

Listen to a sample now!

More Than Meets the Eye ~ True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife is for people who are facing challenges presented by bereavement, hospice care, and after-death communication. The book covers many aspects of the dying and grieving process and sheds light on euthanasia, suicide, near-death experience, and spirit visits after the passing of a loved one. Find comfort and peace about the mysterious process of transitioning to the Other Side.

Download the 3-hour-long audio book in mp3 format for only $7.00. Listen on your iPod while you travel!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~