Loving Ways To Deal With Death and Dying

By Helene Rothschild


Death is a natural occurrence, a passageway. When we can accept human death as another cycle of life, we can enjoy our daily lives more because we won't be in fear. Then we can also gracefully release others who are dying.

I often hear people say that they lost their mother, father, or another person in their lives. I can feel their pain when they express the transition in that way. I have compassion for their feelings. To assist them to feel better, I suggest that they just state what happened. For example, "My mother passed away last month." I also encourage them to close their eyes and speak to them. They are often pleased and comforted when they receive an intuitive response.

People who have had near-death experiences report seeing a tunnel and then a white light. There is always an angel or other being from the light waiting to take them back to the light. They feel nothing but unconditional love and their spirit (not their human bodies which is the only thing that dies) soars back home to the light. After a time of healing, they may become spirit guides or angels for those who are living.

Even though it may not look like that, all individuals have free will to choose when to leave the planet. No matter how they decide to pass on, it is helpful to accept their choice. The following suggestions can assist you to deal with death and dying in a loving way. Put a check next to what you want to say or do.

A. To help those who are dying, I can tell them in a loving way that:

1. They are complete here and it is time to go home.

2. They are worthy to return to the light.

3. It is helpful to forgive others and themselves for all that they felt was wrong, so that they can finish their unfinished business and go in peace.

4. There is nothing to be afraid of because they will be accompanied by an angelic being.

5. They can relax and just let themselves fall into a deep sleep and transcend back into the light.

6. They will be able to communicate telepathically with those they love.

7. If they choose, they can be reborn and live another life cycle on earth.

B. To help me deal with a loved ones death, I am:

1. Forgiving them and myself for anything that I felt was wrong.

2. Knowing that they will be totally taken care of.

3. Accepting that I am whole and complete by myself.

4. Understanding that I am not responsible for their passing.

C. To help me cope after a loved one transitions, I am:

1. Allowing myself to feel all my emotions and expressing them in healthy ways.

2. Realizing that I am likely to have feelings of denial, anger, fear, and sadness.

3. Giving myself time to grieve which is a necessary and important part of my healing process.

4a. Asking myself, "What do I think that I still need from ___ (deceased name) that I can't give to myself?" (Examples: security, love, appreciation)

4b.Giving what I need to myself and/or allowing others to be there for me.

5. Thinking of my loved one as being happy and doing well.

6. Speaking to my loved one out loud or in my mind anytime I have something to say.

7. Reading a book about near-death experiences.

8. Attending a death and dying support group.

9. Reaching out to people I feel close to for support.

10. Seeking a professional counselor to help me cope with my loss.

Congratulate yourself for dealing with death and dying in a loving, healthy way.

Copyright 2007 by Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, a Marriage, Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, speaker, and author. Her newest book is, "ALL YOU NEED IS HART! A Unique Guide to Holistic and Rapid Transformation.” She offers phone sessions, books, e-books, MP3 audios, posters, cards, teleclasses, independent studies, and a free newsletter. http://www.lovetopeace.com/, 1-888-639-6390.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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The Challenge of Death and Dying - Caring for Aging Parents

By Julie Redstone

The process of dying is one of the great stages of learning of the human soul, often met with fear and resistance, yet even in the presence of these, filled with the growth of the soul in its appreciation of its relationship to life.

There is no one way to experience dying so that it produces the maximum amount of growth. For some, the sense of flow from one aspect of life to another is intuitively felt, even if nothing in the earlier stages of life has been articulated as a spiritual belief about the afterlife. For others, there is a well-defined understanding and sometimes experience of the continuity of life, so that apart from the pain or discomfort that may be present during the final stage of physical life, there is no fear. For still others, there is a sense of confusion about the end of life - a perplexity about anticipating non-existence. Often, the idea of death has been imposed on the psyche from the past and includes the notion that there is a kind of black-out of consciousness in which everything ends. And yet, even though this may make sense to the mind, it is perplexing to the heart which cannot comprehend such an idea.

Over and over again, a person who is trying to make sense of the experience of dying is pondering the question of what happens next, whether they are actively doing so in a conscious way or not. It is the main question of the last stage of life for many, especially for those who have not yet come to a conclusion which leaves them with a sense of peace. Even in the presence of denial concerning death's approach, or of anger that life has been 'cut short', or in the presence of the desire to just keep living without any thought of the future - even in the presence of each of these attitudes, the underlying process of trying to deal with the perplexity concerning the end of life is taking place.

For those who have inherited a family configuration in which caring for elderly parents is very much part of a central aspect of living, it is very important to know how to be with the dying process in the elderly. And for those who are simply loving the ones who are preparing to pass out of their physical existence, it is also important to know how to be with this stage of experience and of life.

What is crucial to remember and to trust is that the process of learning and of absorbing the meaning of death and of life is happening even if the elderly parent or loved one gives no sign that this is so. It is happening on the level of the deeper consciousness or soul, even if it is not happening outwardly or in a way that can be articulated. The deeper self is reaching out toward light and truth, and though the outer self may not understand that there is an answer to the question of "why?" - why death, why life - the inner being knows that there is.

For some, the process of dying is the most central experience of life, however it may appear externally. It may be that life has been lived fully, with relationships, family, a productive work life, and experiences that have been rich and alive for many years, and at the end of life that there is more and more limitation and restriction of activity. At such times it may seem to an observer and also to the one who has become very limited physically, that life is not being lived fully any more because of the cessation of physical activity. This is never the case. The shift has simply been made or is being made from a physically observable living of life with outer events that can be marked, to a less observable or invisible inner life that is being refocused around the question of life and death. What causes anxiety or distress in those who are witnessing this shift is the hardship of the limitation of the physical activity and functioning of the aging and dying person. What would relieve this distress to a considerable degree is the knowing that the dying process is taking place successfully, no matter what the outer manifestation that is occurring concerning actively dealing with it. Some things can be processed more easily through the mental aspect of comprehension and articulation of ideas, and some things must take place below the threshold of awareness in a place that joins mind and heart in a synergy in which both are trying to feel their way into a new experience and into a new understanding.

The positive support of those surrounding an elderly person who faces death is of great importance in all situations, for what can get transmitted through this loving support may not be ideas about death and the continuity of life, but the feelings associated with such beliefs of hope, of safety, of trust, and of peace. These feelings can be transmitted without words. They exist in the heart and in the deeper knowing of the soul, and so even without active conversations with loved ones, these deeper feelings and attitudes can be conveyed with benefit.

In the end, each person as a soul must go through the passage from physical life in their own way and with the experiences they are ready to have. The time can be a rich one and even a joyful one for one who knows that they are on the verge of experiencing an expansion of life's possibilities, rather than a diminishing of the reality of existence. For such a one, the prospect of dying has the feeling of going home to something familiar, even if not known, and can be a place that one anticipates visiting or entering with a sense of peace and with a deep sense of homecoming.

For those who are not yet ready for this perception and preparation, it is often the experience of dying itself, even within the last moments of life or at the time of the last breath, that conveys the truth of the continuity of life to the departing soul. These moments of passage are an experience all their own, and no matter what has led up to them, a soul is capable of a profound amount of awakening and of new learning at the time of death's completion. For this reason, it is important to greet the passage from physical life as a journey with many parts, and to know that the final part, the moment of the soul being exhaled from the body, may be the last breath of physical life but the first real knowing by the soul that it will not die, but that it will live and continue into ongoing life.

For additional writings by Julie Redstone and Messages by Request see Pathways of Light. For more about the perspective of the soul, see the Calendar of 100 Days and other Calendars offered within Pathways of Light.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Memories are forever!

More than likely, each of us has a memory about the passing of a loved one. By sharing these inspiring stories we realize that after death our loved ones are still connected with us in spirit. We discover our own strength as we care for one another in difficult times. We learn more about our friends and families and bond with them in a way that perhaps couldn’t be expressed before. Certainly, if you’ve ever been with someone as they passed, you know that the experience itself can change your life. It certainly did for Joanie Manogue as she tells in her story:

My parents passed 45 days apart. Mom had emphysema and Dad had lung cancer. Mom never wanted to grow up, and since Dad was such a strong caretaker, she didn’t have to. She enjoyed having someone wait on her. When we found out that Mom had only a year to live, we didn’t tell Dad at first because we didn’t want to upset him.

I think it was a mistake not to be honest with him and allow him time to process with us. When he went in for a routine exam and the doctors found a spot on his lungs he became very concerned, not for himself so much as for Mom. He had taken care of her all her life and he knew that she couldn’t make it on her own. We didn’t know how much Dad had been doing for her until he started chemo and could no longer care for her. His two treatments were very hard on him. He told me that he didn’t want to have any more and I said, “Then don’t.” I told him it was his choice and that he should decide what he wanted to do. I felt he needed to know that Mom didn’t have all that much longer, so I told him. He was actually relieved to know that the burden of caring for her would not be passed on to the rest of us!

Mom was in denial about her own illness as well as the condition Dad was in. Their 50th wedding anniversary was coming up and we knew that one or the other of them would not be around to celebrate it, so we offered them an early celebration. Soon afterward Dad was taken into hospice care where he went into a coma. He was in a coma and hadn’t eaten in days. After a few days he rallied, sat up in bed, ate a meal and watched the Titans game with Mom by his side. He went back into a coma after the game, and we knew the end was near. We called Mom in so she could tell him goodbye. Ten minutes after mom told him goodbye, he departed peacefully. As I watched Dad’s spirit leave his body I was not frightened. It was like watching him get out of a car. The body was just a vehicle he had been riding in. His spirit seemed to be hovering in the room as if he were checking to make sure we were all going to be okay.

Mom rallied for the funeral—entertaining friends and family she hadn’t seen in years. It was endearing to hear people tell how much Dad had meant to them and share their stories and memories with us. After the burial Mom went home, crawled into bed and started fading in and out of consciousness. Over the next 45 days, (when she was coherent), she told us how much she missed Dad and wanted to go to him. She frequently wanted to know which family members were in town and who else was in the house. Sometimes she conversed with her deceased mother as if she was in the room with her. One week prior to Mom’s death, hospice staff began making visits to her home. The decision was made to remove all medical treatment. Her breathing became deep and normal even without her oxygen supply. A few days later her spirit left her body peacefully and without a struggle. When Mom left, she didn’t hover or look back. She was on her way to find Dad.

The gifts of my parents’ passing gave me were many. I no longer have a fear of death. I find that all other fear-based ideas no longer make sense to me. When my teenage daughter was learning to drive, I didn’t worry about her. I knew that she would be fine, no matter what happened. I’ve gotten to know my parents better since their death than when they were alive. I am comforted in knowing that they are out of their limited bodies. I am now able to sit in silence with people and know them by feeling their energy rather than having to use words. I enjoy the comfort of silence.

Dad’s spirit is with me still, and he lets me know it by bringing me the smell of cigarette smoke. I carry on daily conversations with him. I’ll ask questions aloud and he will answer in my head. Mom, however, didn’t visit for three years after her death, and then it was only after I mentioned to my husband that I wished I could reconcile the unfinished business left between us. The same year my daughter graduated from high school I began to dream of Mom. In one dream she told me to give the silver heart-shaped key ring to my daughter for her graduation. I didn’t know what key ring she was talking about and it bothered me for days. I opened the closet and saw a box of Mom’s things that I had not gone through. Out of curiosity, I took the box from the shelf and looked through it. I came across a small cardboard jeweler’s box and inside it was a silver heart-shaped key ring exactly like the one Mom had shown me in the dream. Needless to say, I wrapped the gift and gave it to my daughter for her graduation.

Looking back, I don’t know why we buried our parents in the ground. It seems so silly to have a gravesite to tend to. The loved one is not there waiting for us to come and talk with them. The body is like a vacant house—the occupant has moved out and the place is empty!