Planning Funeral Arrangements

By Jason Ellis

Unless your loved one left detailed instructions on the type of funeral, it is up to you and other family members to decide on the most appropriate way to put your loved one to rest. The decision might be guided by his or her religious affiliation, or simply by financial means. Sometimes, you have to take into consideration the personality and passions of your loved one. For example, if he or she was avid environmentalist, traditional funeral is not a good option.

Most people opt for traditional funeral, but before deciding on that you should explore the options. Traditional funerals are by far the most expensive kind. Count to spend at least $10,000 and probably much more. Other options are not only cheaper, but are more environmentally friendly and make more sense.

Donating body to the medical science means that the entire body will be used by teaching hospitals. In most cases, it is free and the hospital takes care of the removal of the body, embalming and later cremation. This is a good option if your loved one ever expressed interest in it, if he or she had particular affiliation with some hospital or if you and the rest of the family believe that it makes sense that the body can continue to contribute to the society even after death. If interested in this option, get in touch with the local teaching hospital and ask them for details.

Cremation is another affordable option. If your state has a Cremation Society, they can arrange to take the body directly to the crematory. The cost is about $500. If you let the local funeral home take care of the cremation, the cost will be much higher.

You can arrange for a cremation even if you opted for a traditional funeral service, with viewing, embalming and the whole costly set. Some state legislations require that the cremation is arranged through a funeral home.

It is good to know that, according to the US law, the body can be cremated in a shroud, or a simple biodegradable box which is not a coffin, for a very small fee.

You do not have to accept the urn that your funeral home offers. If you decide to keep the ashes of your loved one, you can find a nice vase, urn or ginger jar that you will enjoy having in your home. Alternative is to scatter the ashes over the sea, in the park or in the garden, as your loved one would have wished.

Green burial is gaining popularity, especially among the more environmentally conscious people. The bodies are buried in shallow graves in special Green Cemeteries, without the embalming and in simple, biodegradable boxes. The graves are often marked with GPS or a flat stone, or with a tree or plant, so that the place can be visited later.

Some funeral homes now offer green burials in regular cemeteries, but the costs are much higher.

A Home funeral means that the entire process is done at home. There is no embalming

of the body, so appropriate refrigeration with dry ice has to be ensured. This consideration also makes home funeral faster than in the funeral home.

Home funerals are legal in most states and are traditional in many cultures. They allow family to say good-bye to the loved one in a very personal way.

Home funerals are also much cheaper than public funerals in funeral homes, what can be an important consideration in difficult financial times.

Traditional funerals are still the most popular in spite of the exorbitant costs, because of their familiarity. Traditional funerals are organized by funeral homes, who offer to take the body, embalm it, and prepare it for viewing, service and burial.

Funeral service can be religious or non-religious. If it is not religious, you are free to organize it the way you believe your loved one would want it, with friends and family sharing their memories, with the music he or she loved.

Don't forget that the funeral service is actually for the living, the departed loved one is past caring. It is the time and place to offer comfort, share the grief and celebrate life. It is an important part of the grief process.

Chances are you're undergoing some turbulent emotions at this time, planning a memorial service or a funeral. Remember, you're currently going through the 5 grief stages so try not to add any additional stress into your life at this time.
 

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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Creating an Online Memorial Website Can Help With Grief and Bereavement

By Mark Dubray

Coping with the loss of a loved one and the grief that ensues can be overwhelming and sometimes difficult to manage. Death is one unavoidable certainty that we can expect in one's lifetime but that we rarely think about on a regular basis. So when it does occur, we are sometimes unprepared. This can cause a lot of stress in a person's life, and they may not know how to deal with it.

Bereavement from losing a loved one can be one of the most stressful events in a person's life. Stress, especially if persistent in nature, can affect a person's well-being and lead to serious health problems that may disturb multiple organ systems. The digestive, immune, cardiovascular and nervous systems may all be afflicted and lead to potential life threatening conditions such as bleeding ulcers, chronic infections, depression, diabetes, and heart disease. If a person does not address their grief and the stress associated with it, it may alter their overall health status for the worse.

With the advent of the internet, more people are using online means to seek out social support and facilitate the grieving process. One such medium is an online memorial website, where people can create a profile to commemorate a deceased loved one. Memorial websites can help to honor the legacy of loved ones through contributions from other people from around the globe. Photos, videos, and messages are some of the features that can be shared by family and friends and thus a place to preserve these memories for future generations to enjoy.

Online memorials have become a beneficial platform for those in mourning by allowing access to support from family and friends. Sharing meaningful memories of the deceased with others can help to initiate positive emotions. Research has shown that conjuring positive emotions and a strong social support network during times of grief can help reduce the effects of both chronic and acute stress, as well as allow a person to recover from grief faster.

Benefits of creating an online memorial:

1. It can give unlimited access to a support network of family and friends from all over the world.
2. It can help bring out positive emotions and, therefore, reduce stress and heal faster.
3. It can be a place to preserve favorite memories of a loved one through shared comments, photos and videos.
4. It can allow a bereaved individual to discuss their feelings, at any time of the day, with people who may be dealing with a similar grief.
5. It can be a place to create a family tree to be passed on to future generations.

It should be noted that in certain circumstances, such as with a sudden or traumatic death of a loved one, how a person copes can vary from person-to-person. At some point, there may be a need for professional intervention.

MemoryChestMemorials.com is an online memorial website that offers interactive memorial profiles to commemorate a loved one forever. It also donates a portion of its proceeds to a variety of charities.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mark_Dubray
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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Grieving Losses That Can't Be Prepared For

By Steve Wickham

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night."
~Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892-1950)

As a new parent-to-be (after nearly 15 years since my last child was born) I have found myself strangely cognisant of the fact that I can prepare for the baby's birth, yet, in some ways, I will be inadequately prepared, come what may. The same revelation hits the person who has lost a dear one to a prolonged battle; a wife or husband, a child, or a parent; a best friend. Such losses we have time to prepare for, but there is no preparing for what it might be like when they are actually gone.

The experience of loss, as captured in the quote above, is a void where we have no way of imagining the loved one as gone - in reality.

Here today, gone tomorrow.

That's about as clinical as our understanding gets. And whilst it is a relief for many to have said their goodbyes, there is always the anguish of missing these dear ones. With time and love we have access to healing, and best of all is the remembrance of their lives and the impact they made on us and others.

THE FINALITY OF DEATH

It seems so obvious to state that death is final, and we know no better truth throughout our lives than this, but experiencing death as a final and lasting phenomenon always shocks our human sensibility.

We can know that God is behind all creation and our existence by the fact that we are mortal; that there is nothing we can do about our living, breathing life spans.

When, for one of many reasons, we die, our deaths proclaim evidence of the Lord. Because our lives are given to us as gifts, and are taken away with just as much lack of control on our parts, our lives are given (and taken) by a Higher Power - God.

However long we live will not change one fact: we will never get used to the idea of death. It will continue to confound us, unless we, with God, accept the mysteries abounding in death. We need to surrender all our ill-feeling to our compassionate God.

THE 'WHY' OF GRIEF

Many people want to know why we experience grief.

It's because we are inherently emotional beings; thinking, feeling individuals with not only the capacity for love, but the eternal design to love. It's because of love that we grieve so much. If we were able to not love, the pain of grief could be overcome easily.

With an eternal design wired biologically into us (Ecclesiastes 3:11), we have no choice but to love, unless we would have our consciences seared, and that is no safe alternative.

We are 'condemned' to grieve because of love, but such a thing is not really a condemnation; love simply forces us to grow, and where we can't grow we can't belong to love. Remaining in fear is an inferior choice, but love requires courage; we can manage just one day at a time.

***

Many losses we cannot prepare for, even those losses connected with terminal illnesses. Grief, we see, is a product of love, and, because we can't help but love, we will grieve our losses terribly. But God is in this with us, growing us toward him in the healing.
© 2013 S. J. Wickham.
 

Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner and holds Degrees in Science, Divinity, and Counselling. Steve writes at: http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com.au/ and http://tribework.blogspot.com.au/
 

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Steve_Wickham

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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Pet Death - How to Help a Friend Cope With the Death of a Pet

By Barbara Cagle

Perhaps one of the most important things you can do is be sympathetic. Don not dismiss the grief a friend feels as something inconsequential. The loss of the loving companionship of a pet feels just as painful as the loss of another person.

It is often difficult for others who are not pet owners, or who have never lost a beloved pet to understand the grief someone feels when their companion dies. Personally, I have been a lover of dogs and cats since I was a child and I can tell you that the unconditional acceptance of such pets has no equal in my other personal relationships.

Look at the relationship between a pet and its owner as you would the relationship between a person and their best friend. Yes, pets quickly become our best friends.

When someone loses a pet they lose a friend. They lose the one being on earth that they can share their feelings with, talk to, without judgement or fear of having their feelings ridiculed or worse, shared with others.

The loss of a pet may mean loss of a companion who was an only contact. For many older people, a pet may be the only daily interaction they have. It is possible that, for some, the care of the pet is the only reason for getting up in the morning.

If you are not a pet owner this may be hard to understand. But we don't always have to understand why someone feels grief to show sympathy and support.

While it is common to suggest the person acquire a new pet, this suggestion should not be offered lightly. After all, how would you feel if you lost a close friend and some well-meaning person suggested you just go get a new friend?

A few years ago I lost my mother, 3 dogs, and a cat within 3 months of each other. Let me tell you, the grief I felt for the loss of the pets was just as great as I felt over losing my mom. The idea of getting another dog or cat would send me running for the nearest dark room for a full-blown crying session.

What made it even worse was that the dogs were all over 16 years old and one by one I had to take them to be put to sleep. This was a horrendous experience.

Eventually I did get another dog and I love him just as fiercely. He is not a replacement, as such, but a NEW friend to enrich my life. His personality is totally different from that of any dog I have had before.

When someone you know loses a pet, treat that loss as you would the loss of a person your friend cared deeply for. Offer your sympathy. Call to talk and encourage them to tell you how wonderful, silly, or faithful their pet was. Talking about those we have lost helps us heal.

In time your friend may begin to express a wish to get another pet, and if so, then you can help them talk through their feelings. Remind them that, just as with a lost loved one, their

pet cannot be replaced, but that a new pet may be able to fill the void the lost pet leaves behind.

Coping with the death of a friend's pet is something that we, as friends, should be ready to do, even if we do not have pets of our own. Be supportive, compassionate, and non-judgemental and you will help your friend cope with their loss and move on to a new relationship with another wonderful pet in the future.

I am Barbara Cagle. At My Grief Site you will find a portal to help you cope, find inspiration, and read stories that can help you cope with your loss. Take a peek at the one of the best kept secrets online since 2001. I am Cagleonline 'Cutting my own way...sharing the life I have grown since 2001.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Barbara_Cagle
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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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How to Deal with Depression When Mourning the Death of a Loved One

By Lou LaGrand

Are you filled with despair and emptiness? Has life lost its meaning for you, and no one could possibly understand your feelings? Do you believe there is no future without your loved one? It is likely, if you are feeling this way that you are suffering from what is often called normal reactive depression. You are down and reacting because something or someone you cherish is gone.

We are not talking here about clinical or biochemical depression, although reactive depression can evolve into the clinical type. Depression from the loss of a loved one usually does not require medication, although in some instances it is prescribed, and is useful on a temporary basis. Here is what you need to know.

1. Not everyone gets depressed after the death of a loved one. It is perfectly normal not to suffer depression as it is to have to deal with it. However, after the death of a loved one, thoughts and attitudes often trigger loneliness and resulting depression, which occurs early in grieving. It features confusion, little motivation, altered self-esteem, lack of meaning, reduced functioning in one's social circle, insomnia, and low energy.

2. If you are depressed, acknowledge it. Describe it in detail, where it hurts, and what it feels like. "What is the message or messages this emotion is delivering to me?" is an important question to address. What do I need to accept? To let go of? The refusal to accept the loss is often a root cause of depression. Depending on what you believe about your depression will lead to choices that either help you manage it, or prolong it.

3. Talk to your best friend. Remember, the more you isolate yourself--and this is what depression tends to do--the more you will increase emotional and physical stress. Saying how you really feel (especially what you fear and how angry you may be) to someone you are confident of being with, is an excellent antidote for your grief and to deal with depression. And, forgiving yourself and others, will also release depressed feelings.

4. Use a universal treatment for depression: exercise. Physical activity will have an affect on brain chemistry and help in the management of depression. Take 10-15 minute walks, preferably with someone. This will activate your endorphins and affect mood.

5. Find a symbol of comfort and guidance. Create a symbol that will bring back loving memories of the person who died and/or of your Higher Power who is with you at all times, and will help you through your great loss. Keep the symbol in a place where you will see it often and use it as a cue to think of loving memories--and to accept the new conditions of life.

6. Are deep seated negative beliefs (I can't go on alone, I'm being punished, I'm never going to feel better, I'm worthless, etc.) adding to your depression? Regain your power. Take it back from those beliefs that say you are less and not more. Believe you can get well. Create opposing affirmations and keep repeating them throughout the day.

7. Start learning to tolerate uncertainty. This can be accomplished by turning toward your spiritual and symbolic beliefs. You will increase your options by letting your spiritual beliefs guide you and strengthen your faith that you will get through this hurtful loss. Know what you can and cannot control. You can control how you deal with major changes; you cannot control what others say and do or what has already happened.

8. Let possibility educate you out of depression. Here is where your imagination can help in a very positive way. Are you open to exploring the numerous choices there are for dealing with loss? Begin to learn about them from others, support groups, readings, and the experts. By creating options for dealing with fear, anger, guilt, and negative thoughts, you can change your view of what lies ahead.

9. Check your eating habits and whether you have an insufficiency of amino acids. Protein consumption at all three meals can affect neurotransmitters and your energy levels. Reduce carbohydrate (not complex carbs), sugar, alcohol, and fast food consumption, and increase

fruits and vegetables. The way you feel physically will add to or detract from depression.

Whenever you feel depression creeping back in, immediately ask yourself this key question, "What are my choices here?" If you are burying your feelings and not facing them, depression is a common result.

Refuse to withdraw from life; make connections and express your feelings to a support group or to your best friend. If your depressive symptoms go on for more than a couple of months, be sure to consult a professional counselor. You can get through this darkness and into the light by taking action early (don't wait for it to worsen) to deal with this pervasive emotion.

Dr. LaGrand is a grief counselor and the author of eight books, the most recent, the popular Love Lives On: Learning from the Extraordinary Encounters of the Bereaved. He is known world-wide for his research on the Extraordinary Experiences of the bereaved (after-death communication phenomena) and is one of the founders of Hospice of the St. Lawrence Valley, Inc. His free monthly ezine website is http://www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com.
 

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lou_LaGrand
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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Resisting Suffering

When we lose a loved one, we go through a multitude of emotions before finally reaching acceptance. We dislike the changes that are occurring and may feel constantly dissatisfied with our lives without that person.

“I don’t like this!”

“I’m not ready to let go!”

“It’s too much for me to bear!”

“This shouldn’t have happened!"

These thoughts come to our mind when we can’t acknowledge the simple truth that everything in the universe is flowing, and that we must flow with life rather than resist it. In denying what is happening, we’re fighting against the universe and the whole of creation. This fight is a lost cause from the very beginning because the universal cycles are very powerful.

When we think about our life circumstances in terms of “it should be this way” or “it shouldn’t be that way,” we ignore the fact that everything happens for a reason, and though we may not know the reason, it is supported by the creative force of everything that exists. Souls make choices on an unconscious level and may depart before we are ready to let go of them. We may doubly grieve if the loved one we lost was very young or healthy or died suddenly through the actions of another person or random event. If we could see the bigger picture from a higher perspective, things would look a lot different.

We try to be strong for ourselves and others during a crisis, but repressing our feelings only traps negative energy that detrimentally affects our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. When our rational mind produces thoughts of resistance, our energy comes to a standstill. It  stagnates and accumulates an excess of negative energy that leads to physical or emotional suffering. Before long, we grow accustomed to feeling bad and this resonance attracts more painful experiences that lead to further accumulation of negativity that attracts more of the same, and so forth.

So what is one to do in order to move from denial, anger, bargaining, and depression into acceptance? There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but there are ways to move through grief more quickly without allowing it to harm your health.

Feel what you feel. Admit that you are angry, suffering, or depressed and ask for Divine help in dealing with your personal response to the situation. God can handle your anger—it’s just an “E” motion—energy in motion. Energy is meant to be in constant motion; not to get stuck in your body where it can damage your cells. Expressing your emotions releases them, so don’t be afraid to cry, punch, or scream into your pillow to let go of the pent up feelings.

Be real. Live authentically by being honest with yourself. Who are you angry with? Why are you angry about your current situation? How does this anger serve you? What worries you most? What would your life look like in a couple of months if you make wise decisions now? Think of the many ways your faith in a higher power can help you now.

Once you have let go of any energy that has lodged in your body and mind, you will have a better outlook on life and will be able to make decisions based upon logic and intuition rather than knee-jerk reactions you may regret later.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Loving Ways To Deal With Death and Dying

By Helene Rothschild


Death is a natural occurrence, a passageway. When we can accept human death as another cycle of life, we can enjoy our daily lives more because we won't be in fear. Then we can also gracefully release others who are dying.

I often hear people say that they lost their mother, father, or another person in their lives. I can feel their pain when they express the transition in that way. I have compassion for their feelings. To assist them to feel better, I suggest that they just state what happened. For example, "My mother passed away last month." I also encourage them to close their eyes and speak to them. They are often pleased and comforted when they receive an intuitive response.

People who have had near-death experiences report seeing a tunnel and then a white light. There is always an angel or other being from the light waiting to take them back to the light. They feel nothing but unconditional love and their spirit (not their human bodies which is the only thing that dies) soars back home to the light. After a time of healing, they may become spirit guides or angels for those who are living.

Even though it may not look like that, all individuals have free will to choose when to leave the planet. No matter how they decide to pass on, it is helpful to accept their choice. The following suggestions can assist you to deal with death and dying in a loving way. Put a check next to what you want to say or do.

A. To help those who are dying, I can tell them in a loving way that:

1. They are complete here and it is time to go home.

2. They are worthy to return to the light.

3. It is helpful to forgive others and themselves for all that they felt was wrong, so that they can finish their unfinished business and go in peace.

4. There is nothing to be afraid of because they will be accompanied by an angelic being.

5. They can relax and just let themselves fall into a deep sleep and transcend back into the light.

6. They will be able to communicate telepathically with those they love.

7. If they choose, they can be reborn and live another life cycle on earth.

B. To help me deal with a loved ones death, I am:

1. Forgiving them and myself for anything that I felt was wrong.

2. Knowing that they will be totally taken care of.

3. Accepting that I am whole and complete by myself.

4. Understanding that I am not responsible for their passing.

C. To help me cope after a loved one transitions, I am:

1. Allowing myself to feel all my emotions and expressing them in healthy ways.

2. Realizing that I am likely to have feelings of denial, anger, fear, and sadness.

3. Giving myself time to grieve which is a necessary and important part of my healing process.

4a. Asking myself, "What do I think that I still need from ___ (deceased name) that I can't give to myself?" (Examples: security, love, appreciation)

4b.Giving what I need to myself and/or allowing others to be there for me.

5. Thinking of my loved one as being happy and doing well.

6. Speaking to my loved one out loud or in my mind anytime I have something to say.

7. Reading a book about near-death experiences.

8. Attending a death and dying support group.

9. Reaching out to people I feel close to for support.

10. Seeking a professional counselor to help me cope with my loss.

Congratulate yourself for dealing with death and dying in a loving, healthy way.

Copyright 2007 by Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, a Marriage, Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, speaker, and author. Her newest book is, "ALL YOU NEED IS HART! A Unique Guide to Holistic and Rapid Transformation.” She offers phone sessions, books, e-books, MP3 audios, posters, cards, teleclasses, independent studies, and a free newsletter. http://www.lovetopeace.com/, 1-888-639-6390.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Helene_Rothschild


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Author Writes Book from Messages Received from Son in the Afterlife

Author Gene Skaggs joins LavendarRose today on We Are One in Spirit Podcast to talk about some comforting messages he received from his son in the afterlife.

Gene has been a student of A Course in Miracles since 1979, and has written four books on the course titled: A Beginner's Glossary to a Course in Miracles, The Relationship Game Changing the Rules, 101 Questions and Answers on the Course, and Biblical Quotes from the Course Reinterpreted. Gene has been teaching the Course three times a week since 1988. He has a private counseling practice, does numerous talks and workshops throughout the county, and is a certified Psych-K facilitator.

In part one of this two-part interview, Gene discusses his latest book, Anderson Speaks. This book tells a story that began August 6, 2009, when at the age of 22, Gene’s son, Anderson, laid his body down. The next day, Anderson began giving his father numerous messages from the afterlife. The book contains those messages, plus tips on how to navigate the loss of a loved one, how to comfort those who have lost a loved one, stories of who Anderson was while he walked this planet, and messages for his generation.

Listen to part one by clicking on the small arrow in the player below.

The World is a Mirror of My Thoughts

The purpose of religion is to help us find that connection with God that we already (still) have and think we have lost but haven’t. Most religions teach that this connection was lost in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit. The purpose of A Course in Miracles is to deliver us from the erroneous belief in separation that our egos have convinced us is true.

It impossible to be separated from God. But there is an illusion that the ego has created that makes us think we are. We are manifesting outwardly what we believe inwardly. Everything we see around us that we are not pleased with is part of our thought system that must be renewed by the Holy Spirit as He removes our wayward thoughts and bring truth to bear on every situation so that our external situation begin to mirror a more positive of who we truly are. When we change our internal thoughts, our world will change as well.

Click the small arrow in the player below to listen to part two in which Gene discusses A Course in Miracles and Psych-K. Psych-K gets the unwanted files out of the way so you can experience yourself as one with our Creator.

The book can be purchased as paperback or e-book through http://www.geneskaggs.com/ or on Amazon. Also available for Kindle Reader. You can read more about Gene here www.onemiracle.org or www.geneskaggs.com.

Sign up for Gene’s itinerary to learn where his next workshop will be: email onemiracle @ comcast dot net. As for the Course broadcast.
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You might enjoy reading More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife.
Purchase on Amazon.com

Greiving Less by Being Around People

When my grandfather passed in 1988, my grandmother had a difficult time adjusting. What helped her most was to stay busy doing things with and for our family.  We took her to the beach that following summer just to get her out of the house and into a change of scenery. She never set foot on the beach, but she loved staying in the motel, cooking meals for the rest of us. We loved having her and I think it gave her a new perspective on life without Pap.

Even though it's been twenty-two years since his death, my grandmother (Nanny is now 94 years old) still gets a little melancholy around the holidays. Rightly so. She has a lot of loved ones waiting for her in the afterlife. Two of her five children are no longer in body--one daughter passed three days before Thanksgiving last year. Nanny's last remaining sibling, a dear sister whom she daily spoke with on the phone, passed a few months ago. Her loss is still very real. Even though Nanny can't get out much (she broke her hip two years ago and is only able to walk a few steps to get from bed to wheelchair) and is very hard of hearing, she desires to be around people. She has always been a very social person. She lights up when her grandkids, great grandkids, and great-great grandkids come to visit.

If she was able to get about more easily, I'm sure she would enjoy being part of a group and do things with people. I recently discovered our local senior citizens center and was surprised at all the opportunities they offer for connecting around fun projects. Not only do they have quilting and crocheting groups (I love both of these crafts) they have a beauty shop, low-impact aerobics, work out equipment, walking trails, computer classes, a cafeteria, a chorus/choir, and a drama club—they put on shows for the community! Plus, they take field trips together all over the state. The charge is like $10 per month, so it is very affordable.

Being around people is a good way to take your mind off the constant grieving. I think this type of activity would be a huge benefit to a grieving senior person. What do you think?

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For more information, you might enjoy reading More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife.
Purchase on Amazon.com

Resisting Grief

When we lose a loved one, we go through a multitude of emotions before finally reaching acceptance. We may dislike the changes that are occurring as a result and may feel very dissatisfied with our lives without that person.

“I don’t like this!”
“I’m not ready to let go!”
“It’s too much for me to bear!”
“This shouldn’t have happened!"

These thoughts come to our mind when we can’t acknowledge the simple truth that everything in the universe is flowing, and that we must flow with life rather than resist it. In denying what is happening, and refusing to move on, we fight against the universe and the whole of creation. This fight is a lost cause from the very beginning because the universal cycles of life and death are very powerful.

When we think about our life circumstances in terms of “it should be this way” or “it shouldn’t be that way,” we ignore the fact that everything happens for a reason, and though we may not know the reason, it is supported by the creative force of everything that exists. Souls make choices on an unconscious level and may depart before we are ready to let go of them. We may doubly grieve if the loved one we lost was very young or healthy or died suddenly through the actions of another person or random event. If we could see the bigger picture from a higher perspective, things would look a lot different.

We try to be strong for ourselves and others during a crisis, but repressing our own feelings only traps negative energy that can detrimentally affect our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. When our rational mind produces thoughts of resistance, our positive energy comes to a standstill. It stagnates and accumulates an excess of negative energy that leads to physical or emotional suffering. Before long, we grow accustomed to feeling bad and this attracts more painful experiences that lead to further accumulation of negativity that attracts more of the same, and so forth.

So what is one to do in order to move from denial, anger, bargaining, and depression into acceptance? There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but there are ways to move through grief more quickly without allowing it to harm your health.

Feel what you feel. Admit that you are angry, suffering, or depressed and ask for Divine help in dealing with your personal response to the situation at hand. God can handle your anger—it’s just an “E” motion—energy in motion. Energy is meant to be in constant motion; not to get stuck in your body where it can damage your cells. Expressing your emotions releases them, so don’t be afraid to cry, punch, or scream into your pillow to let go of the pent up feelings.

Be real. Live authentically by being honest with yourself. Who are you angry with? Why are you angry about your current situation? How does this anger serve you? What worries you most? Are there any positive steps you can take to make the situation better? What would your life look like in a couple of months if you make wise decisions now? Think of the many ways your faith in a higher power can help you move on.

Once you have let go of any energy that has lodged in your body and mind, you will have a better outlook on life and will be able to make decisions based upon logic and intuition rather than knee-jerk reactions you may regret later.

Speaker on Death and Grieving Topics

Yvonne Perry is available to speak about the topics presented on this blog and in her book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife.

There are some aspects of dying and death common to everyone regardless of background. These mainstream topics include hospice and palliative care; giving a dying patient permission to let go; the mind-body-spirit connection; helping a patient and family accept impending death; unplugging a dying patient from life support; signs that the end of life is near; and comforting the grieving family.

Those who are open to non-traditional thoughts will enjoy a presentation of the spiritual aspects surrounding death and dying, which include reincarnation; soul activity in the afterlife; assisting a soul in its release from the body; spirit communication during days/weeks after loved one dies; signs that a “deceased” loved one is trying to connect with a family member(s); and protocol for interacting with spirits. More info on this topic . . . 

Learn more about Yvonne and her speaking experience.

Need Comfort after Losing a Loved One?

A book to comfort those who are grieving the loss of a loved one. If you think you are being visited by a deceased loved one, check this out.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Dealing With Death - How to Find Peace

By Piper Cox

Death is an inevitable part of life and unfortunately we will all be touched by the finger of death at some point in our lives. It may be the death of a close friend, a beloved pet, or a dear family member. Death is a difficult thing to work through. It leaves you feeling so empty and alone. But there are ways that you can find peace after the death of a loved one.

When you lose someone close to you, your senses are flooded with a multitude of emotions. Denial, anger, sadness, and frustration are just a few of the feelings you may experience. This is perfectly normal and everyone has to go through different emotions when dealing with death.

We experience denial both when we first learn of the death and sometimes days and weeks later. Someone has made a mistake, I had a bad dream, these are just a few of the thoughts you may experience in the denial stage. Denial is stronger when dealing with accidental or sudden death. In this case denial may last longer than it does when you lose someone to an illness or old age.

Anger and frustration occurs both soon after the loss and even many years later. You wish the person was here to help you with a project or you are dealing with finances you don't understand. It is perfectly normal to feel anger toward the person you lost. After all, they left you alone. This is a natural sentiment and something that you will feel.

Sadness and grief are the first things someone thinks of when dealing with death. These are the emotions that everyone expects you to have. You are lost and missing the person so much. These feelings of sadness and grief will come and go especially through the first year as you deal with many 'firsts' without them.

So how can you find peace when you are grieving? First of all you need to understand that all these emotions are a normal part of the grieving process. You need to experience them to properly heal. It is okay to be mad at the person who died. Someday that anger will subside and you will have overcome the frustration of loss. Sadness and grief will probably be with you for life, but they get easier to deal with over time. It will not be a all consuming sadness that you feel right after the death, but it will mellow into a longing or melancholy feeling. Something you will feel only occasionally. This is normal after all you lost someone very close to you. You will always miss them and feel their loss it just won't always be painful.

Time is a great healer. Even though you may feel that you cannot survive another day because the grief is so overwhelming, you can and you will. Face each day and conquer it! Spend time with friends and read uplifting books. These things can really help when dealing with grief. There are many books written about death and dying. If you believe in an afterlife, books about near death experiences can be helpful. After the loss of my brother I read several of these books and they brought me peace. I had a better understanding of what happened when he died and where he was now.

Some days you may feel like you just can't face the world, this is okay just don't let it become a habit. Many people let grief win and overtake their lives. They become consumed in their sorrow and almost cease to function. This actually becomes detrimental to their health. No matter how hard it may seem, you need to move forward. Keep your loved ones in your heart, but allow yourself to live as well. Think about what they would want. Would they want you to suffer endlessly because of their death?

Many people turn to religion when they lose someone. Faith is a great healer and it helps us believe in a better life for both us and the person who died. Most religions teach of an afterlife where everyone is at peace and happy. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, also known as the Mormons, believe that families will be together forever in the afterlife. This belief brings great comfort to families who have lost loved ones and especially to parents who have lost children.

You can find peace and healing after losing someone close to you. Remember that it is okay to feel a range of emotions. Time will help you overcome the anger and will dull the pain of loss. But you will always remember the person you lost. After all, they were an important part of your life.

Piper enjoys researching her family history and reading stories of her ancestors. She spends a lot of her time using her Epson scanner to make quality copies of her grandparents photos. She enjoys nature, reading and spending time with her family. She also teaches people how to go about using a 35mm slide converter in her spare time.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Piper_Cox

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Puppy Love --Dealing with the Death of a Pet

Story Title: The Sid Series: Puppy Love --Dealing with the Death of a Pet
Author: Yvonne Perry
ISBN: 9780982572207
Publisher: Write On! (2006)
Available from Amazon at http://tinyurl.com/AmazonSidSeries
Reviewed by Donna B. Russell

How do you help a child deal with the death of a beloved pet when you, yourself, struggle to understand "why"? Yvonne Perry does so with simplicity, sensitivity, and the understanding that children need to be allowed to express their own thoughts and, in doing so, may impart a wisdom of their own.

When the family dog dies of old age, Ran-Ran, Von-Von and grandson Sid must come to terms with their grief. In an atmosphere of safety and acceptance, Von-Von wonders out loud why dogs don't live as long as humans do. Sid's surprising response, and a stray puppy, help them come to terms with their loss and open their hearts to another dog in need of love. Without euphemisms that are confusing to children, Yvonne Perry's tender story takes you through grief to healing, ending on a positive note.

Perry says, "Some people will tell you that dogs and cats don’t have souls so they can’t go to heaven, but I don’t believe that." Anyone who has lived with an animal companion, and taken the time to really understand them, would agree with her. This is one of the best books I've read on the subject of pet loss.

Puppy Love is one in a series of holistic children's books written by Yvonne (Von-Von in the book) for her grandson Sid, who is the main character. It may be written for children, but adults will enjoy it, too. I recommend it as a sensitive way to help children (and adults) deal with a very painful subject.

Yvonne Perry is a freelance writer, editor, award-winning speaker, and owner of Writers in the Sky Creative Writing Services in Nashville, TN. She is also host of Writers in the Sky Podcast, which include interviews, seminars, and audio workshops available through iTunes.com and other podcast directories.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

How to Deal With a Death of a Pet With Children

The death of a pet can be very sad. It's made more difficult with young children because they have a hard time understanding death. Explaining it can be tough. If you tell your five-year-old their cat has passed on they might be clueless as to what "passed on" means. "Lucky, passed on where, Mom? Did she go across the street?" Even if you use the word death, young children have a hard time grasping how long death is. If you explain to your child that death means a long period of time you still might get, "Does that mean Spot will come back in three weeks?" Three weeks is a long time to a five-year-old. At age six I still couldn't understand how long summer was. My older brother showed me a calendar and flipped up three pages saying that's how long it was. That helped. Some. At least I knew it was for a long time. You actually have to tell your child their beloved pet will not be coming back. You can't pussy foot around death. Death is final. You do not want your child to think an animal is coming back if it's not. Please do not tell your child that Pickles went to live on a big farm in Idaho if Pickles died. This is a lie and serves no purpose. And your lie can be exposed. However, if your family's belief system is that there is an afterlife you can tell your child you believe Fluffy is in Heaven. This is a belief. It differs from "Pickles went to live in Idaho." This statement is a lie because you're purposely being deceptive. It's a deliberate falsehood. You know Pickles did not go there.

Children grieve in different ways. One of your children might sob, another could pester you with questions, and your last child might get real quiet and refuse to talk. Each child has their own personality. And because of that each had a different relationship with the deceased pet. Moreover, one child could have been closer to the family pet than another. Did the pet sleep in bed with them? It won't anymore. And that's sad. Be kind. Don't brush away your child's feeling and tell them to buck up. If you offer to take them for ice cream to cheer them up, do NOT renege on it if they say no. They might be feeling so heartsick they can't eat right now. Take your child in a week.

The death of a family dog can be very upsetting to a child. Especially if it was an indoor dog. House dogs interact with the family more. Therefore, children will get more attached to them. So be there for your child. Have a shoulder for them to cry on. Let them know it is okay to grieve. Even if you as a parent weren't particularly close to the family pet be empathetic. Give extra hugs. Ask your child if they would like to create a photo album of Shaggy. Write near each picture the occasion, what's happening, and with whom. On the last page you can attach a note with something like, "We love you Shaggy! Thanks for being our dog and loving us. You were much appreciated." Or "Shaggy, you'll be missed. You'll be in our hearts always." Or your child can write a personal letter to their dog and sign their name. They can put the letter in a picture pocket of the album to be shared years later. Remember dogs give unconditional love. They love you whether you're rich, poor, short, tall, dress well, or are unkempt. There is maybe one string attached to their love, which is "be kind to me." Unlike humans they don't have worldly "expectations" of how you should be. They love you just as you are. And older children know this. Their dog loved them just as they were. If your child had a particular hard day and was naughty, and you punished them, Shaggy was still a ready friend. He was ready to give a consoling lick on the face. On the worst of days a child really needs a cuddle. Shaggy was there to be hugged close and to listen to grievances against you. He didn't judge. He just loved.

Some children like to have a small memorial service for their pet. I've been to many pet services in backyards. Fish. Hamster. Rat. Turtle. Lizard. Depending on where you live, bigger pets, such as dogs or cats, have to be buried in a pet cemetery or be taken to a place to be cremated. You should check. You can still have a small memorial service. The memorial can be just sharing good memories. "Remember how Rover would lay down low and sneak over to the counter and steal pizza?" Then it was a pain, now it's a funny memory. Maybe one child will draw a picture of good times with Rover. Another child might read a poem they wrote. A memorial service provides closure. Which is important. That's why saying your pet went to live in Idaho when he didn't is wrong. There is no closure.

In The Sid Series story titled “Puppy Love ~ Dealing With the Death of a Pet,” I wrote about pet death. If you have a child who needs comfort after losing a pet, please let them read this story. Here’s a summary:

Scrap had been the family’s dog for many years before Sidney was born. One morning she didn’t come when she was called to breakfast. Learn how Sidney and Von-Von deal with the death of the family pet and the arrival of a new one. This story alludes to reincarnation and teaches children to cope with the death of a pet.

And here is a link to purchase the story as an e-book or the printed book on Amazon.com: http://tinyurl.com/AmazonSidSeries

Jay Marie has a B.A. in the Behavioral Sciences, Sociology. She is a Former Nanny to children with parents in the Entertainment Industry. Find parenting programs to help you and your child at Harmony in the Home. To find more parenting articles and to get useful tips, family movie reviews, children's book reviews, and family activities/child art projects follow my BLOG parentingtipsandmore.blogspot.com

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

A Grieving Child - How To Help Children Of All Ages Through Bereavement

Grieving infants: many people think that because infants are too young to speak or understand complex ideas, they are too young to grieve. That's not true, according to grief experts. Infants may not be able to articulate it, but they feel the changes that come when someone dies. Their schedule may suddenly change, they miss the smell of that person, and their parents may act differently, not playing as much or being quieter.

This confusing time may result in changes to their behavior. You may notice differences in their eating, sleeping or bowel movements. You might find it harder to soothe your baby or get the child to laugh at play time. He or she may be less receptive to strangers and change.

What to do:


Keep the baby's schedule as normal as possible.

Try to keep the baby at home as much as possible, with the same people he or she is used to.

Make every effort to soothe the baby with some extra cuddle time and calming words.

Two to six years old: death can be a confusing blow to the otherwise sheltered life of a young child. Parents who have previously tried so hard to protect them from life's tragedies suddenly have to explain them.

Young children generally struggle to comprehend three concepts surrounding death:

The first is the "non-functionality" of the body. Sometimes children can liken death to sickness. They think the person might be sleeping. They don't understand that the body that held the spirit of the person they loved is now lifeless.

Secondly, they can struggle to realize death's finality. No matter how many times cartoon characters get bonked on the head or run over, they always come back. Why can't their loved one do the same?

Lastly, children have yet to learn that everyone dies. They might believe that death can be avoided. They may return to the habits of a baby, revisiting behavior such as bedwetting, clinging and whining.

At this stage in life, children can take statements literally, so be careful with how you euphemize the situation. They can also be very self-centered about their thoughts, thinking that they may have affected the situation.

What to do:

Be honest.

Explain the difference between "very, very sick" and just "sick," as well as "very, very old" and just over 20, so that the child doesn't think everyone will die from circumstances that sound similar to how their loved one died.

Use concrete words such as "dead" and "died" to give the child a clear idea of what happened.

Explain clearly what death is and explain the feelings that go along with it. Tell the child it's OK to be mad and sad, but that eventually it will get better.

Give him or her permission to cry when they need to (even for boys) and also play when they want to.

Make sure your child knows he or she did not cause the death in any way.

Involve them as much as possible in the funeral planning.

Let the child know that you'll be there at the funeral, and also to support him or her in the months ahead.

Six to nine years old: at this point in life, children can understand the finality of death, but they don't understand their vulnerability to it. For that reason, they may be especially shocked if a peer dies. Children in this age group often think of death as something alive, a spirit or personification, such as the Grim Reaper.


Some think of death as contagious. Other children may tease or ignore a bereaved child at school, thinking that they can catch the death bug if they get too close. These children are at an age where they are very curious about the details of death. They're learning how bodies work, and they may want to know exactly how the person died and what will happen to the body.

It's best to be honest, yet reserved with the details. If you don't answer questions, they may get information from their friends, or may just imagine what they think happens, both of which can be inaccurate and more frightening than the real thing.

Make sure you explain death before going into other aspects, such as cremation or burial. They need to know that the body is no longer their loved one as they know it.

Lastly, it's OK to say you don't know something. Help your child find the answers they need.

What you can do:

Ask the child what he or she knows about death, and correct any misconceptions.

Be honest and use clear words such as dead and died.

Ask about the child's fears and discuss them. Tell him or her it's OK to be angry.

Explain the feelings that may come after a death.

Put in some extra cuddle and hug time.

Tell the child you love him or her and you're still a family.

Involve the child in funeral planning.

Understand they may turn death into a play game, such as burying their dolls.

Ten to thirteen years old: these kids are going out on their own, relying more and more on their friends and trying to fit in. Grieving can make them feel different and alone.

Tweens are also working out the right and wrong of life, and they may think they somehow caused the death by thinking ill of the person who died at one point.

At this stage in life, pre-teens understand the facts about death; they're more interested in the abstract ideas behind the "why." They may be wondering about the myths they've heard about death. Is there really a heaven? Could I die soon? Who decides who dies?

They're most likely to reach out to adults of their own gender. In their journey to becoming adult, they might try to emulate the characteristics of their gender. Rather than risk being called a sissy, boys may hold in their emotions to try to be a man. Girls may try to take care of everyone around them, perhaps at the risk of neglecting their own needs.

Even though they might spend time with their friends, it's still the advice and example of their parents that influences them the most.

What you can do:

Explain the death in a detailed way to ease their curiosity and their fears.

Explain the feelings that might come from their grief.

Provide a journal to help them write and make sense of their feelings. Encourage them to write letters to the person who died and record their memories.

Involve them as much as possible.

Talk to the parents of the child's friends. Make sure they discuss the loss with their children, and give them advice on how to support a grieving friend.

Visit http://www.thelightbeyond.com/ : helping you through bereavement, one step at a time...
Created by Lucie Storrs, The Light Beyond bereavement site, forum, inspirational movie and blog aims to help as many people as possible on their journey through grief.  Would you like our free Bereavement For Beginners ebook? Our gift to you, this practical, useful guide for the bereaved and those who care about them is packed full of information, inspiration, poems and words of comfort.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Why is Death and Grieving So Difficult?

I think our views of death (as well as the closeness of our relationship with the deceased) affects how we express grief. My view of death is that it is a normal part of life--the end of one life phase and the beginning of another. It is common for deceased loved ones to hang out with me.My Aunt Kat is with me in spirit. Therefore, I don't feel sad for her. She's starting her new journey in the afterlife.

I also think that the age of the deceased and his or her condition  prior to death has a lot to do with how survivors grieve. Knowing that Kat is not suffering physically gives me great consolation. However, it would be horrible to lose a child or a healthy person. We believe we are all supposed to live long, healthy lives--not be cut short by illness or injury. Our beliefs about dying young create a strong sense of loss. It's something none of us wish to go through. It's hard to find purpose in the loss of a child.

I'm working with a client who lost her son when he was a junior in high school. Her son has come to her in spirit many times, urging her to write about her healing journey that his death provided. He had a purpose in dying young. It was to help his mother's soul heal and create the life she was destined to enjoy in spite of her loss. I can hardly wait to share her book with my readers.

Talking about death should not be hard. We make it difficult because we fear upsetting others or perhaps we fear death itself, but the truth is it is very healing to talk with others about our deceased or dying loved ones.My grandmother (Nanny) and I talk openly and easily about death. We've both had near-death experiences (NDE) and have felt the peace of being spirit without a body. Maybe the purpose of my NDE was to help me share comfort with you and offer a compassionate voice of reason.


My cousins are grieving the loss of their mother, my Aunt Kat. One is taking is pretty hard, but I think there may be more guilt involved than grief. One cousin is doing quite well. She did all she could to support and assist her mother in her last days. She has nothing to feel guilty about. She may feel sad, but she is able to talk freely and positively about her mother. 

• Have you talked about your loss? 
• Can you find meaning in death? 
• What are your views about death?
  

Feel free to leave a comment and share your thoughts and feelings. I might be a very therapeutic part of your journey to wholeness.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Carrying Grief for Others

My aunt passed ten days ago. We had become close in the past year. We kept up by email and phone until she got too weak to get out of bed or talk. Her death doesn't seem real to me. I missed her physical presence while I was with my family over Thanksgiving, but I couldn't feel sorrow. I feel so detached from the situation. Shouldn't I be crying or expressing some type of emotion?

While I was home for Thanksgiving, my grandmother and I talked about Kat's death (Nanny and I talk about death as easily as we talk about going to the store) and we both agree that we're glad Kat's no longer suffering from lung cancer.

Kat and I had talked several times about her coming death, and she promised to visit me in spirit. She kept her promise. I have sensed her presence several times since her body died. For three days after she passed, I smelled coffee. Strange thing is I didn't have any coffee in the house! She didn't wait until she passed to visit me in spirit. Several days prior to her death I smelled cigarette smoke around me everywhere I went. It was as strong as if someone was in the room with me smoking. I guess that's why I can't believe Kat's really gone or manufacture any grief for her. She's still alive!

But here's the catch. I grieved intensely for my grandfather when he died 20 years ago. He and my grandmother had lived next door to me for 5 years at the time. We knew for years he was dying. It was very difficult to keep from crying even months afterward Pap's death. Maybe I was less experienced and unable to talk about the "D" word then. I sensed his presence afterward, too, but it was in dreams that he visited me.

When my uncle passed in 2002 I was able to sing at his funeral and read a poem at his graveside service. Edmond had visited me in spirit prior to his death while he was in coma. As a result of his visit, I wrote a poem that actually came to me as a song. I sang it to and for him several weeks before and after his death while he was transitioning.

When a friend of mine was murdered in 2007 I cried so much that I couldn't attend his funeral because I knew I would upset everyone there. I didn't know Jerry's family. I only knew Jerry as a networking buddy, but my grief was out of control. Who needs a crying, mourning stranger around them when they are already grieving?

The same thing happened when my husband's brother-in-law died suddenly. We went to Dan's celebration of life but I was a total mess all day long. I felt embarrassed for my emotional condition because I hardly knew the guy and yet I was torn up by his loss more than anyone else there. Like a "surrogate" griever, I was expressing the grief that others were holding back.

I carried the illness of my sister-in-law's mother as she was dying of a diseased colon. Less than 12 months later, I had a tumor, a polyp, ten inches of my colon, and the connecting lymph nodes removed. Thanks to the clearing work and prayers of others, I did not have cancer.

I had an energy worker clear my electromagnetic energy field after Dan's death. I've learned to stop allowing myself to pick up and carry the grieving energy of others.

What I'm trying to say here is that it is very dangerous to carry the energy and emotions of others. Yes, we are to help bear one another's burdens, but that means helping those who are grieving and showing love and compassion while folks are still in body. I want to make sure the emotional "discharge" and emotional expression I have in any situation belongs to ME--that these are my OWN feelings and responses--not that of others.

I truly love my aunt, but it appears that I do not have any negative feelings, guilt, or grief to express about her passing. I'm enjoying her spiritual presence around me too much to cry for her.

I guess I'm the only one in my family who might say, "Hey, Kat, pull up a chair and let's have a cup of coffee!"

Hell, I may even buy her a pack of cigarettes.

Feel free to comment on this post.


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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Diversity in Death Rituals

If you’ve been following this blog recently, you know that I am taking a sociology course on death, dying, and bereavement. I’ve been posting responses to the questions our instructor poses. Here is some information on mourning practices and burial rituals in other cultures.

1) Why is it important to learn about mourning and burial practices of other cultures and religions? Be sure to fully explain your response.

When I found that this was the question for the week, I was surprised and dreaded answering it. While reading the material, I kept asking myself “Why do I need to know this stuff? What difference does it make how someone else deals with death? Grief is such a personal and private affair.”

It will be interesting to see the answers my classmates give to this question. I had to think about this to come up with any answer at all, but I have decided that it is important that we understand one another in our ever-changing global society. Our neighbors, co-workers, friends, extended family, and society in general now include people from every background, race, and nation.

If I were to go to the funeral of a New Orleans friend or someone from west New Guinea, I would probably leave when the wailing started (unless rum and revelry were promised next). If the family began cutting themselves, but I wouldn’t offer them any Bandaids or tourniquets! I wouldn’t call the police either.

The purpose of a funeral is to provide a social way to accept the reality of death, express grief, dispose of the body, acknowledge the absence of the deceased, draw the community together, comfort one another, and give meaningful to the life and death of the deceased.

In my opinion everyone is welcome to practice his own mourning and death rituals. Though I do wonder if it is legal to burn a dead body on a public riverbank. The health department and media would be all over the case.

2) How might learning about the diverse mourning and burial practices be personally and/or professionally useful to you?

Page 342 of our text speaks of death rituals as a rite of passage. Each culture has its own way of expressing the rite of separation, the rite of transition, and the rite of reincorporation. All the rituals we learned about this week address these three rites of passage.

Learning about the mourning practices and death rituals of other cultures helped me find an appreciation of diversity that helps me understand and accept others. It also gives me compassion to help support the reincorporation of the bereaved back into society without the presence of their loved one.

3) How does learning about these diverse practices help in your understanding of your own mourning and burial related beliefs and practices?

The text caused me to think about how I would like my body disposed of when it dies. I have stated in my will that I would like to be cremated, but after reading about so many cultures that burn the body on a pyre, I think I would prefer that method to cremation in a mortuary. It’s so much more celebrative and less expensive to barbeque the dead body in your own backyard.

I’m not being facetious. As Pagans, my husband and I frequently conduct new/full moon and sabbat rituals using a fire to offer flora sacrifices to the gods and goddesses. (No animals or humans are ever harmed in our rituals.)

I didn’t realize that my husband’s wishes for a bonfire were actually in line with Hinduism. Here is a section of text from my book More Than Meets the Eye: True Stories About Death, Dying, and Afterlife that I wrote and published in 2005:

My husband has planned his own funeral. To save money, he wants to be cremated in the backyard fire pit and have his ashes used to fertilize our garden. He has asked me to throw a party in his honor. Everyone should bring their own six-pack of beer or a bottle of liquor, some party favors, and a lot of food that I can freeze so I won’t have to cook for a while (Randy is the family chef, not me!) There will be dancing to 60s and 70s Rock-n-Roll classics, and our sons have been instructed to set off a huge display of fireworks in the cul-de-sac after dark. The media and the fire department will be notified in advance.

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Now, I’ll ask you to respond to my question. Please type your answer as a comment below this post.

How would you like your body to be disposed of when you die?
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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Bader Field: A Journey of Love, Forgiveness & Acceptance

Carl David's new book, Bader Field, embodies the emotional story of a son's loving relationship with his father - a legendary art dealer whose life is suddenly taken by a massive coronary at the young age of fifty-eight years. His death plunges the twenty-four-year old man onto the front lines of the family art business, which he had entered a mere three years prior. Battling with his own grief while trying to help his adoring but fragile mother survive, David forges forward with all of the elemental tools his father imparted to him. His journey proves a difficult one, not having yet recovered from the horrific loss of his brother to suicide just eight years earlier when he was found dead on the fourth floor of the Rittenhouse Square tonwhouse, which was home to the prestigious David David Gallery. His self-imposed obligation is to successfully take the family art business to the next generation and to give his own children every bit of love, kindness, and wisdom bestowed upon him by the unique man whom they will never know other than the mark he left on everyone who knew him.

Bader Field adds significant insight into the myseterious workings and dealings of the art world. David speaks from experience of having been immersed in it all of his life and having lived it from the inside out. There will be a tremendous crossover interest in this book as it combines the elements of an American family, it's goodness and its tragedy interfaced with the multifaceted aspects of the art business and flying small airplanes. Bader Field in Atlantic City was the oldest airfield in the country. With little sophistication, its two asphalt runways juggled single and twin engine aircraft and exuded a character and charm that created memories to last a lifetime. That is where this saga begins and where it ends as life comes full circle.

http://www.nightengalepress.com

Listen to Carl David's Interview on Wellness Roadshow:
http://www.wellnessrdshow.com/archives/shows/?id=100098

Carl David is the third generation of a four-generation family art business in Philadelphia. He is the author of Collecting & Care of Fine Art published by Crown in 1981. His article about Martha Walter, an American impressionist painter (1875-1976) was published in the American Art Review in May 1978.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife available on Amazon.com.