Organ Transplants: Who Should Get the Second Chance?

Module 6 in my course study on death, dying, and bereavement is about organ transplants. One student's response was so good that I asked her for permission to use it on this blog. I share with you the writing of Tamara Randel.

There are rigorous rules and steps one must follow in order to stay on the transplant list, and unfortunately there is always going to be the few who feel like they won’t get caught. While waiting for any organ transplant, one is not supposed to smoke (anything), drink alcohol, or participate in any other ways of using drugs. These are simple and straight forward rules that have to be in place because why would one doing such things get a lung or kidney over another waiting listed person when they’re already trying to kill off some of their other organs.

I also feel strongly about other factors that aren’t strictly medical based when it comes to factoring out those who I believe are either physically or morally future down the list. I believe that the person who qualifies should be taking care of themselves while waiting for the call, and that a 26 year old mother of a newborn should be put ahead of the 75 year old women who has seen her children and grandchildren grow already ( I’m basing this on the fact that they both followed all guidelines). As for my morally biased view, I believe that those who are currently residing in the death row block of any penitentiary should be disqualified. In 2004 a man who had stabbed two women and successfully killed one (the other received 17 stab wounds but lived to testify against him) and with the approval of the prisons physician was granted a spot on the transplant waiting list. It took less than a month for this to be overturned since his other health issues posed a problem, but California allowed 2 federal inmates to receive transplants in 2003. I feel strongly against this because I don’t think that those who already robbed someone of their life should benefit from another person’s loss of life. It also seems unfair that the procedures were performed at the California taxpayers’ expense.

The cost of a transplant of any kind is not cheap what with the medical expenses including Insurance expenses, pre-transplant tests, the organ recovery fee, the surgery itself, the follow up care, the medical staff’s pay, the rehabilitation, the anti-rejection drugs (over $1,000 a month for those alone), and any other medical expenses for unexpected complications. Unfortunately most health insurances will only cover a small amount of the fees if any at all, but Medicaid will cover a big portion of it if not all on the stipulation that you are 65 or older and pay an initial deductable upon hospitalization. Medicare will also cover a portion of transplant if it is absolutely needed, although the amount varies from case to case on variables like patient’s income, coverage, state available funds, and any extra Medicaid funds that can be passed down.

There are also many organizations that raise money for transplant patients, these can vary from $500 to thousands and can sometimes only be available to those with a certain type of illness. Other organizations, such as the National Transplant Organization Fund, help the patient fundraise for themselves through flyers and websites. Last year this transplant fund agency raised over 64 million for over 4,000 patients. Even with all of these resources available there is still more need then product, leaving many people to figure out how to deal with the financial burden alone.

My beliefs on the ending personal costs and the amount of costs that are covered through state and insurance, or should be covered that way, are mixed. I like the idea of the government paying for procedures that help a citizen have a second chance at life, but I don’t feel that all of the people on the transplant list deserve the second chance. There is a big difference between someone like my mother who has never smoked even a cigarette, who got a rare lung disease that’s cause is unknown as well as the cure, and a person who chooses to smoke cigarettes and narcotics after already being hospitalized for the it in the past and who still chose to go out and repeat the act that they knew would eventually kill them. The latter type of person should still be given care and another chance that would allow them to stop their harmful habits and be considered for the transplant procedure once again, but they should not be given what could save another person who would actually cherish the gift. As for the situation of illegal aliens being allowed five years of little to no cost Medicare, I haven’t decided.

I would have no problem with it if the government was also willing to do that for everyone in America, but as it is I have seen quite a few college students denied state medical benefits. The reason behind their denial was on the grounds that they should either go to school half time and find a job with benefits (since they are able bodied) or if that’s too hard then they should skip school altogether and not take advantage of the educational systems ability to help one support themselves better in life. If I could really choose who paid what and the government’s involvement I would choose to go with a socialist health care system like China has.


Works Cited:

Robinson, Bryan. May 28, 2004. Death-Row Privilege. ABC News. Received on November 07, 2009, from http://www.liberty-page.coml

Group from the United Network for Organ Sharing Financing a Transplant. July 10, 2003. Financial Costs. Transplant living. Received on November 06, 2009, from http://www.transplantliving.org

Sara Lewis. October 05, 2009. Quick Facts. Donate Life. Received on November 07, 2009, from http://www.donatelifenw.org

Cathy Letcher. October 19, 2009. History. National Transplant Assistance Fund. Received on November 08, 2009, from http://www.transplantfund.org.
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What are your opinions about organ transplants? How would you answer the questions our instructor posed to us? Leave a comment or opinion below this post if you'd like to chime in.

1) Should there be limits or restrictions on “who” should be eligible to receive organ/tissue transplants. Should age be a factor? Or should ability to pay for the transplant be a factor? Are there other factors that should eliminate someone from consideration?

2) Discuss issues concerning the cost of transplants. Who should pay for them? Should medical insurance companies be required to cover transplants (all or some types?)? What role should the government (if any) play in funding of transplants?

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Doctor says near-death experiences are in the mind

Are near-death experiences are in the mind? Not according to this woman who was down for 57 minutes. No blood pressure, no pulse, no oxygen, no blood flow. She was shocked 21 times before she finally came back with tales of the afterlife.

Read the story at http://tinyurl.com/ylhtz6c

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

A Memorable Death

Marvin is 55 years old and he has a brain tumour. He is getting physically weaker by the day and is now having difficulty in breathing. However, he is still mentally very alert.

Although Marvin knows that death is imminent, he does not seem to fear death, at least not outwardly. As he is not talking very much about his impending death, I take it as a sign that he or those around him have not fully accepted the reality of his situation. I personally feel if this hurdle is overcome, it would make a tremendous change for all.

Good or bad deaths

For the past 17 years, I have witnessed countless deaths. To simplify my observation, some deaths can be termed as “good” or easy while a small number are considered “bad” or difficult.

William was 44 years old when he was diagnosed to have kidney cancer. As his cancer ravaged his bones and liver, he became physically weaker. Refusing to believe that his death was near, he fought it all the way. Each day, he harboured hope for a cure and he was constantly searching for it. He was angry with his doctors because they could not offer him a cure and so he directed his hope towards alternative treatments. Despite trying various types of alternative treatments, he succumbed to his disease.

William had a difficult time as he was dying. From the numerous house visits, I could see that he was afraid to face death and to accept his own mortality. He was fearful of the unknown after death. What was there waiting for him? Would he exist after death?

He diverted his remaining energy resisting, resulting in more frustrations and despair. (describe his last moments to show the contrast between good and bad deaths)

In contrast, 72-year old Jane who was a former nurse had a peaceful death. She died from a terminal chronic obstructive airway disease as a result of heavy smoking during her younger days.

Towards the end of her days, Jane accepted that she was dying and instructed her loved ones not to attempt any heroic resuscitation on her. Instead, they should let her go naturally and peacefully.

Common characteristics

In short, a good death can be achieved when a person is fully accepting that death is inevitable and that it’s a part of the living process. Better still if he/she believes that we are in essence spiritual beings, not just a physical entity.

By fully accepting death and it being a part of a life cycle, we would not cling on to our dying body. This process allows us to let go of our attachments to this physical existence. It lets us focus our remaining energy to prepare ourselves for the next step - the transition into another existence. Whether you believe in a single life or many lives and rebirth, the next step is essentially a transition from a physical existence to a spiritual one.

That brings us to the knowledge or belief in our spirituality. Without this, it is truly very difficult to see death in a positive way. When we believe in our spirituality, or when we know deep within that we are essentially a spiritual being, then death can even be something to look forward to. After all, discarding an old and weak physical body that is full of pain for something newer and better should not be too difficult.

Thus, whether we are going to experience an easy death or a difficult one depends on how we view death and how we view ourselves.

There is no pain in death

One of the things most dying people are afraid of is the belief that death may be painful. The truth is that death is painless. This is true regardless of whether you are experiencing a good or a difficult death.

Pain is a physical sensation. It only exists as long as the physical body is intact. At the point of death, there is no pain as the physical body cannot feel anymore physical sensation. Thus even if one is suffering from severe bone pain as a result of the cancer spreading to the bones, the final moment is pain-free. It was evident in Marvin’s last breath.

Bring It Out In the Open

Death is a subject that is difficult for most people to talk about, yet when one is dying, the urgency is there. This is true for the dying as well as for his loved ones.

Talking about death and acknowledging it openly make it easier for all involved to accept death as a natural part of the living process. This acceptance helps the dying to let go of his attachments to his own physical body as well as his attachments to those around him. Likewise, it allows his loved ones to let him go in peace, instead of clinging on to him. Not allowing a dying person to go peacefully can cause him to hang on unnecessarily and make it more difficult for him to go peacefully.

A Memorable Death

In some ancient cultures, death is not seen as something dreadful. In fact, it is an event that is worth celebrating. After all, shouldn’t we be happy that we are “going home”?

This reminds me of a memorable death of an old lady. She was the mother of one of my regular patients. Being a very religious person, she had approached death in accordance to her faith. During her last hours, a group of her friends was present to chant sermons for her. Soothing recordings of the chanting were also played continuously as the old lady waited for her final moments.

According to her loved ones, she looked radiant when she passed away and all those present were able to sense her departure. The old lady had turned her death into a joyous event!

Learning from this, perhaps we should all remind ourselves that death need not be a dreadful thing and that we can turn it into a joyous and spiritual occasion. We do have a choice, even in death.

Dr. Tim Ong is a medical doctor who runs his own busy medical practice. In his free time, he enjoys giving public talks, teaching meditation and offering his service to hospice work in the community. He is also the webmaster of The Self Improvement Site and Mind Science Info. He also gives away his personal collection of life transforming ebooks at Book of Transformation.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tim_Ong
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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

The Purpose of Suffering

There is an order to the Universe and there is perfection in everything, even if we can't see it. Everything that exists, exists as it is for the purpose of Spirit knowing itself. There is someone in control and that is you. You the Spirit, you the consciousness, you the soul are constantly creating your reality. Unfortunately, most of us are not aware of how this creation process occurs; otherwise we would all be happy. Some say desire is the mitigating factor of creation but not at the level we have generated most of the desires we have today.

The initial desire to be a self-aware autonomous entity pervades every moment we exist on this earth plane, because that is the underlying reason the soul chooses to journey here. However, while we are existing here more and more desires and needs of our ego come into play and spiritual freedom becomes difficult to remember. Eventually, the reason for living becomes a forgotten memory causing us to wonder if we ever had a purpose for existing. The challenges and difficulties originally created in order for the soul to grow and evolve are now perceived as dark and evil energies creating havoc on the earth plane instead of the illusion of duality needed in order to experience contrast.

We are not in a constant war of good and evil, we are in a constant journey of self-exploration and discovery leading us back home. There is no universal law that dictates we must suffer through our entire existence in order to be worthy to God. Suffering is a catalyst for soul growth and evolution for those seeking to dwell in a higher level of consciousness. Although suffering may be a valuable tool for growth, pushing us to reach into higher realms we should not have to endure it endlessly in order to get into heaven.

Disease, tension, conflict, disharmony, lack and limitation are all ways in which our Souls reflect back to us what needs to be transcended in each lifetime or in other words what areas need greater understanding and knowledge. Your life is your messenger in the perfection of the universe. Spirit is perfect, I doubt anyone can find flaw in the source therefore existence is perfect because it comes from the source. Only perfection can come from perfection. If we start to see our lives through the eye of perfection our perception will change accordingly. A perception based on the concept that we are all perfect and equal and only creating difficult realities for the soul to grow and evolve permits much room for forgiveness, acceptance, tolerance, understanding and compassion.

What we are lacking is the discernment needed in order to see how divinely perfect we really are. Every situation and circumstance is perfect because it is bringing you into greater awareness of the Spirit that you are. When you have experienced and realized all that your soul is seeking to know about existence, those painful situations and circumstances will no longer be of any use. Our souls do not cause strife and struggle so it can experience pain over and over again. We create challenges so that one day we can truly enjoy existence. You cannot enjoy existence if you feel inadequate, unworthy or less than whole because lack will surround you at every turn. You cannot find peace if you are attached to your family and friends for a sense of happiness because they will not always be in your life in that specific capacity. You cannot enjoy life if you are unable to accept each moment as it is before seeking to change it because you will be resisting your own self first. You cannot enjoy your reality if you believe you are not the one creating it because you will always be worried about what could happen next.

However, you will eventually arrive at a place where very little bothers you. You will naturally react with love to everyone around you regardless of how abrasive or ignorant they may have seemed in the past. This love that emanates from you will also affect those whom you connect with. Everything is energy and we are always affecting and being effected by others. You will have to try very hard to experience anger because you have expanded so much your stillness softens everything. Your open heart will help others to realize that we are all beautiful loving beings doing the best we can. Your placid mind will open others up to new horizons previously hidden by fear. You will be the peace the world is waiting for. Let us live in a constant space of joy where heaven can be found. It is time for us to embrace our divinity and begin expressing this aspect of ourselves, that is the only way we can return home.

Temple of Knowing Spirit was founded by Cherise Thorne to assist others in self-healing and finding their true soul purpose. We offer a variety of programs such as enlightened living, ascension correspondence home study, monthly healing meditations and a 2 year seminary for those wishing to be ordained. We also provide a 24/7 Healing Your Soul Radio station that allows anyone anywhere in the world to listen to uplifting lectures, thought provoking messages and guided meditations.

Our websites can be found at http://www.knowingspirit.org and http://www.newdawnascension.com.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Cherise_Thorne
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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Signs That a Spirit is Trying to Communicate with You

This week, someone asked me, "How can I know if my deceased mom is trying to communicate with me?"

I suggested that she look for different ways that her mom might give her a sign that she's near. "You may hear a favorite song of hers, see a food that she used to cook for you when you were little, smell her perfume, or recognize/find something that was hers, come across a photo, see someone who looks like her, etc." I told her.

The woman replied, "It's so hard to know what is actually "a sign" and what is just me thinking of her, or what's a coincidence ("Oh, look - Mom used to like to cook that" or "that lady is wearing the sam perfume Mom used to like ..." or "she looks kinda like Mom."

So everyone can benefit from what I shared with her, I'll post the comments I made to her.

How else can your mom let you know it's her? Some newly-crossed spirits haven't learned how to manipulate physical energy to move objects, but they can telepathically impress upon others to do things such as play a certain song, spray on a particular perfume when getting dressed, or ask you to out to dinner and then order something your mom loved to cook. Haven't you ever thought of someone and then he or she called or emailed you the next day or two?

One thing of the hardest things about spirit communication is believing when you have encountered a spirit--especially if your gift is not that of clairvoyance--to trust what messages you receive; and that just comes with acknowledging signs and communicating like you believe they really are listening.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

All Saint's Day

October is the month in which many Americans celebrate All Saints' Day or Samhain (Nov 1), better known as Halloween (October 31). The Haitians method of honoring deceased loved ones involves setting up an altar with photographs or other images of ancestors they wish to honor, and any special offerings of food or drink enjoyed by those ancestors during their lives. Prayers, drumming, dancing, and the preparation of feasts are part of their ritual of reverence for their deceased loved ones. People dress up, take to the streets, dance their communion with the ancestors, and walk in processions to the graveyards where they feed their ancestral dead with the gifts of their own table. The purpose of the ritual is to thank the ancestors and spirits for their protection and to request their helpful guidance for the future. This is a general celebration of all deceased.

If you have information about other religions or people of different cultures view death, dying, and afterlife, I’d love to have you post as a guest blogger. Leave a comment and I’ll get in touch with you.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

How Do Mediums Help Lost Souls?

Someone asked me a question this week: "Why do you think some people have spirits come to them all the time--even people they don't know--and others never have such an experience. And if I want to have an interaction, whether with my Mom again or someone else, do we have any ability to make that happen, or do we have to just wait for it to happen to us (if it ever does)?

Here's my answer:

Everyone has some spiritual gift or psychic ability. Some people develop their gifts by practicing--like those who give aura readings or do energy work or Reiki.

Those who have multiple unrelated spirits come to them are probably mediums or gatekeepers between the spirit realm and our world of form. I have finally accepted that I am a medium. It took years for me to claim that title, but I guess it fits.

At one time I had so many disembodied souls coming to me to help them cross over or go to the light, I was being awakened at all hours with plasma/essence hovering over my bed. Things were moving around in the house. I saw streaks of light flash thorough my hallway where there is no window. It got to be such a bother that I asked my guides what I could do to curb the conscious activity and still help these souls.

I was lead to a deck of archangel cards by Doreen Virtue. I did an angel card reading with this deck and having my situation in mind. The cards I drew had information about Michael and Chamuel. I intuitively knew that those were the two who could help me with this situation.

I began to ask them every time I meditated to stay near me and help those earth-bound spirits or "lost" souls find their way home. FYI-- I refer to the lost as those who can't find their way to a peaceful afterlife experience. It has nothing to do with salvation as some religions teach. Since it is my spirit or higher self working with these souls, I asked the archangels to allow me to help these souls without me having to be consciously aware of the work I'm doing. Well, it worked. I immediately stopped having these uninvited visitors.

Oh, I also asked the archangels to allow my loved ones or spirit guides to have access to me in the conscious realm. I didn't want to turn away a loved one in need. I also ask these two archangels to assess each soul's need and if there is something I need to do physically (such as say a prayer or light a candle) to help them, I am to be notified so I may consciously participate. Such was the case when someone is dying and needs help leaving their body.

Mediums are gatekeepers and the door swings both ways. I don't just help souls exit; I've also been called upon to help bring souls into bodies on the earth plane.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Podcast Guest Author of Book on Near-death Experience

Since Samhain or Halloween is coming soon, I thought it would be nice to offer something on our podcast for those who have loved ones on the Other Side.

The veil between the physical and non-physical worlds is thought to be very thin this time of year and many of us ask the spirits of our deceased loved ones to join us for the evening. For me, it’s like a family reunion of departed souls as we lovingly honor Virginia, Mom-Mom, Pop-Pop, Edmond, Pap, Little Granny, and Uncle Asa. Last year, we added to the list my dear friend Jerry McEwen, who was murdered during the holiday hoopla last December.

My podcast guest today is yours truly. Yes, I’m going to be the guest on my own show again! This time, I have invited Carol Denbow, the author of A Book Inside, How to Write, Publish, and Sell Your Story, to interview me about my book More Than Meets the Eye, which covers many aspects of the dying and grieving process and sheds light on near-death experience, suicide, euthanasia, and spirit visits after the passing of a loved one.

You may remember Carol as a guest on our blog when she made her virtual tour on the Internet in September 2009. I asked Carol to be my guest interviewer because she has experience with South Coast Hospice & Palliative Care in Coos Bay Oregon. Hospice care is one of the topics in my book and one that I believe is a concern for many people, who have aging loved ones they need to care for in their final days.

Click here to listen to Part 1...

My book, More Than Meets the Eye, True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife, is available for free as a PDF for anyone who subscribes to our free newsletter at writersinthesky.com.

Or, I will mail you a brand new signed paperback copy for $10 plus shipping if you contact me. Dinged copies that have a little wear on the cover are $5 plus shipping.

Click here to listen to Part 2...

Trick or treat is actually a spinoff of the tradition of providing food offerings to honor deceased visitors who were welcome to come by their old homestead. Like balloons on a mailbox for a birthday party, candles were lit to let the spirit know where the celebration was being held. Read this article about Samhain, an ancient Celtic holiday for more information.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Three Major Shifts in the Way Americas Experience Death

From the sixth edition of Death, Dying, and Bereavement by Michael R. Leming and George E. Dickinson.

Historians have noted three major shifts in the American experience of death: Living death (1600-1830), the dying of death (1830-1945), and the resurrection of death (1945-present). Each of these periods shows how society’s perception about death and dying has changed over the past 400 years. As culture changes, so does people’s views of the death experience and the treatment of the dying person.

Living Death

Between 1600 and 1830, death was a typical part of the American life. Everyone was well acquainted with death. Bodies were prepared for burial and laid out in a wooden coffin at home. The bodies were buried in the local cemetery, on the back portion of a rural property, or in a church graveyard. Puritans saw death as punishment for sin and encouraged one another to fear death and be prepared to meet God. After the funeral, everyone returned to daily life. Between the 1730s and 1830s, Americans were influenced by the Enlightenment, the American Revolution, Unitarianism, and evangelicalism and gave new choices from which to form new beliefs and behavior about death, dying, and bereavement.

The Dying of Death

American philosophy about death and dying began to change between 1830 and 1945 when a middle class sector began to rise amid the poor and rich. An undertaker and embalming practices came on the scene and began to separate social (public) life from home (personal) life. Families no longer needed to prepare the body at home. This not only shielded families from the harsh reality of death; it gave them a new way to deal with it through the use of caskets, hearses, music, monuments, written funeral notices, flowers, and decorations.

The Resurrection of Death

Death erupted into daily life once again when the US bombed Hiroshima. This started a cycle of war, terrorism, and the threat of the “end of the world” through powerful weapons of warfare and destruction. Today, we live with the fear that our lives could be taken by an act of war or terrorism. We have more violence in the news, movies that depict ghosts in a morbid and scary way, and we have military friends and loved ones on duty in the middle east.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

When's Sarah Coming Home? Helping Your Child Understand Death

For most children, their first experience with grief comes with the death of a beloved family pet. When Zoe the eight-week old puppy dies of parvovirus or Tweety the budgie stops singing his morning song, a child experiences profound and lasting loss for the first time in their young lives.

Children want and need to know about death, yet we are often reluctant — even squeamish — when talking about it. Conversations with kids about death can be extremely difficult, but they are so important. Helping children understand the death of their pet may arm them with the skills they need to cope and grieve effectively when someone they love dies. Everyone experiences a sense of shock when death occurs, and this is especially true for children. They have no prior experience, and usually no information to help them comprehend what "dead forever" means.

Death and grief are extremely difficult human emotions, therefore, there is no right or wrong way to deal with death. As adults, our reactions to death are a product of societal attitudes and the beliefs and culture of the family from which we came.

When a family member dies, children express their grief differently depending on their age. An infant may become irritable and fussy. A pre-schooler lives in a magical world, so death isn’t permanent for them. They may alternate between seeing death as temporary and reversible to understanding that death is forever. Children ages six to 12 have a more mature understanding of death and teenagers have an adult understanding of death, but has fewer coping skills.

Let’s look at Justin’s first experience with death:

Justin’s is 5 years old and lives with his mom and dad and brand new sister Sarah. One morning, Justin wakes up to mom’s tears and runs to Sarah’s room to find mommy and daddy crying. Daddy ushers Justin out of the room and tells him quietly that Sarah isn’t going to wake up today.

Justin is scared and confused. Justin has never seen Daddy cry. Dad is his hero. He makes Justin feel safe. What could be so horrible that it would make Daddy cry? Daddy spends the morning talking to Justin while mom and Grandma Jane go in and out of the house, crying and Sarah is taken away by strange people that Justin does not know.

After lunch, Justin goes to Sarah’s room to look for her. They always take an afternoon nap together. But Sarah isn’t there. “When will Sarah be home?” Justin asks his daddy. Daddy holds Justin as he tells him “Sarah won’t be coming home, honey, Sarah has died. She stopped breathing and her heart stopped beating. We’re all so very sad. Why don’t we sit together and remember some of the funny things she used to do.” Justin turns his blue eyes to look at Daddy “No, it’s okay Daddy. She’ll be home later.”

As the days go on from the time of Sarah’s death, mom and dad are caught up in funeral preparations and Justin continues in his insistence that his sister will come home. As family gathers and the days get closer to the services his parents remain with growing concern for his belief.

Parents should be aware of normal childhood responses to a death in the family. It is normal during the weeks following the death for some children to feel immediate grief or persist in the belief that the family member is still alive. But long-term denial of the death or avoidance of grief is unhealthy and can later surface in more severe problems.

Once children accept the death, they are likely to display their feelings of sadness on and off over a long period of time, and often at unexpected moments. The surviving relatives should spend as much time as possible with the child, making it clear that the child has permission to show his or her feelings openly or freely.

Parents with children experiencing grief should:

Provide age-appropriate information regarding the loss

Give the child space for them to emote. (Encouragement to discuss his or her innermost fantasies, fears, thoughts, and feelings.)

Be aware of their own emotional availability: Your child needs someone who will listen. Reach our for support from others if you are unable to provide that support to your child at this time.

Warning signs include:
changes in sleep, appetite, school performance, or social interaction
verbal/non-verbal messages of wanting to join the deceased (drawings, behaviors, or statements)

Keep In Mind: Children need to be assured that death is not the end—that love never dies. Just because the person is no longer living, doesn't mean we don't still love them. You are the expert of your child and always reach for assistance from a professional if you have any questions.

Dr. Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), which is responsible for the health, safety and welfare of nearly 40,000 foster children. He also has a private psychiatry practice in Beverly Hills, California. Dr. Sophy has lectured extensively and is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California Los Angeles Neuro-Psychiatric Institute. His lectures and teachings are consistently ranked as among the best by those in attendance.

Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the “Keep ‘Em Off My Couch” blog, provides real simple answers for solving life’s biggest problems. He specializes in improving the mental health of children. To contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at http://drsophy.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Charles_Sophy
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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

The Biology and Practicality of Death

Philosophy focuses on the biology of death and its practicality. Everyone has to die sometime, so why avoid talking about it or preparing for the occasion? This is the kind of view my Aunt Kat and I share.

Eleven months ago when she was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, her doctor said she might be lucky to live six to nine months. While she is counting every day as a blessing, she is also very aware that she is about to leave her loved ones. She talks openly with me about her “bucket” list (now completed), how her children are avoiding her by not coming to visit her or helping with her care, and how she plans to visit me from the afterlife. The TV series, The Ghost Whisperer, spawned that discussion.

I can relate to those who have death denial issues because when my grandfather was dying, I could not stand to see him suffering. I wanted to remember him as he was when he was healthy. I lived next door to him at the time, and it was all I could do to walk across the garden to say hello.

Things have changed since then. As strange as it may seem, I would love to be present when my aunt and/or grandmother die. Even though I am Pagan and they are Christian, I feel that I could offer them a sense of peace and calm. I would even sing hymns to them if they requested. Why? Because I feel that religious differences and past issues need to be put aside and that forgiveness and unconditional love is what a dying person needs to pass peacefully. In fact, that is exactly what is needed to LIVE peacefully!

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Death and Dying in the Islamic Culture

This essay is by Julie Mohr, an online student in the same college sociology class as me. I invited her to be a guest on my blog today because she offered such great insight in a well-written post as one of our required assignments. We were asked to describe the beliefs and practices of another culture in regards to death, dying, and afterlife. She chose to study death and dying in the Islamic Culture.

There is great diversity in the Muslim religion, which has people who practices it on every continent, and reportedly has as much as 1/5 of the world’s population as followers, less than 15% of whom are of Arab descent (There are significant numbers of people who follow Islam in Asia, Africa and Europe). The basis of the religion follows the beliefs and teachings of well-known Christian Biblical figures Abraham and Moses, and the prophet Mohammed writing the Quran as not a NEW religion, but as a clarification from God of rules and law. They recognize Judaism and Christianity (both Catholics and Protestants) as religions that worship the one God as they do, Allah is the name of that God for Muslims.

I have personally traveled to Turkey, which is 99% Muslim, and found it a country with a tremendous amount of openness and interest in us as travelers. I visited Izmir and then traveled to Istanbul, where I went to Topkapi Palace and saw the great Relics Room where they believe to have the staff of Moses and the cooking pot of Abraham, along with hairs from the beard of Mohammed. At the time I was surprised because I didn’t realize that Muslims believe they are an extension of Abrahamic faith. A Muslim sings the Quran in that room 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Since I didn’t know a lot about the religion, or Islamic rituals regarding Death & Dying, I chose it for the purpose of this assignment:

According to several websites I visited, there is broad cultural diversity in the Muslim world, so some of the rules are elastic and not nearly as set in stone as those of us in the West might be led to believe.

However, in death, there are very specific rituals to be followed. In a USA Today article about Muslim burials in the United States, Tahir Anwar, imam of the South Bay Islamic Association in San Jose, Calif. said little is known about how funerals were conducted in the time of the Prophet Muhammad, Islam's founder.

"The bodies were washed, people did the (funeral) prayers, and they were buried. Those remain the three things we do today," he said. http://ow.ly/v1r4

Clothing, the role of women and a host of other issues vary widely from one country or continent to another. But despite these difference, and like Christianity or Roman Catholicism, there are rules of law. In the Islamic world are called the five “pillars” of Islam, on which most if not all Muslims follow and ties them together (I won’t list them here since none of them are relevant to the death & dying aside from mentioning that they are the five goals that make a Muslim a Muslim). After reading several websites, I found that Muslims believe there is life after death not all that much different than Christian and/or Jewish religions.

Afterlife/Judgment: Death in the Islamic tradition is similar to Catholicism in that the body ceases to live, judgment of the deceased is made, and they are laid to rest with the future belief that a final Day of Judgment/End of the World is coming, when all the faithful will be brought to heaven and those who are not will go to the equivalent of hell . Their description is less extreme than Christians, in that Muslims are taught that there is “paradise” and “chastisement”.

On About.com, it says that “Muslims believe that death is a departure from the life of this world, but not the end of a person's existence. Rather, eternal life is to come, and we pray for God's mercy to be with the departed, in hopes that they may find peace and happiness in the life to come.” (also not unlike the Bible readings and prayers for the soul that many Christian religions offer up at a deathbed or during a funeral).

“The person who is dying is asked three questions as they are dying, and their answers provide Muslims with the idea that the person is going to either be in a comfortable grave, or if they will be “chastised.”

It is recommended, if at all possible, for a Muslim's last words to be the declaration of faith: "I bear witness that there is no god but Allah." (some websites had this or some variation of the same statement). ”

Ultimately, a person who has lived a good “sin-free” life with lots of Muslim’s praying for his/her soul gets to “rest comfortably” in the grave (waiting for Judgment Day), whereas one who hasn’t will begin an afterlife of chastisement beginning with their being lowered into the physical grave itself.

Death and Its Relevance to Muslims
Muslims see death as the most important part of life, in that it is something very important to prepare for. On deathreference.com it states that “Death is likened to sleep in Islam. Sleep in Arabic is called "the little brother of death." The Prophet spoke often of death, and the Quran is filled with warnings of the dangers of ignoring one's mortality and of not preparing for death before it is too late.”

After Death
When a Muslim dies, there are very specific rituals in caring for the dead body. A Muslim person who has been trained to prepare the body will wash it, shroud it, and sometimes perfume it. Often a family member or friend will do the washing and shrouding, and men always take care of men’s bodies, and women care for women’s bodies. Care is taken during the washing and shrouding to cover the person’s private parts.

The body is treated with gentleness and respect, “as we would want to be treated,” said one woman in an article about Muslim death rituals in USA Today. Here in the United States, funeral homes will provide assistance to Muslims only insofar as providing the appropriate permits or licenses to bury their dead. Most sites I visited also stated that they try to bury a person within 24 hours, so there is no need to embalm the body. (Some websites were very specific about men receiving a certain number of layers of shrouds vs. women, and what colors they had to be. This can vary from country to country, but it’s clear that it must not be decorative, and most choose white if they state a choice).

Washing is done in odd numbers only, but I couldn’t find a place that explained why, only that a person is washed 3, 5 or 7 times. The cloth is called 'kafan' and the process 'takfeen. Some websites said that autopsies are forbidden, but others said that they must be done with the least amount of violation of the person (the person should remain as intact as possible because on Judgment Day good Muslims are raised up to go to Paradise and therefore must be physically intact for that to happen). Cremation is generally forbidden.
More from http://www.deathreference.com/Ho-Ka/Islam.html:

The funeral prayer is then performed, and the deceased is buried in a graveyard without a coffin, simply laid in the earth and covered. A person, usually a relative, informs the deceased of what is happening, as Muslims believe that the deceased can hear and understand what is being said.

Muslims believe the dead person is not always aware of the transition, and so the one giving instructions informs the deceased that he or she has died, is being laid in the grave, and that two angels known as Munkar and Nakir will soon come into the grave to ask three questions.

To the first question, "Who is your Lord?," the deceased is instructed to reply, "Allah." In answer to the second question, "Who is your Prophet?," the deceased should say, "Muhammad," and the correct response to the third question, "What is your religion?," is "Islam." If the individual passes this first phase of the afterlife, the experience of the grave is pleasant, and he or she is given glimpses of the pleasures of paradise. If however, the deceased does not pass this phase, then the grave is the first stage of chastisement.”




Resources:

From http://islam.about.com/cs/elderly/a/funerals.htm: The grave itself is aligned on a northeast to southwest axis, facing Mecca. The wrapped body is placed directly into the ground, without any kind of casket. The body is laid on its right side, with the head facing Mecca, and the shroud is removed from the face.

Mourning: three days is the normal mourning period. Widows observe an extended morning period, called “iddah”, which lasts four months and ten days. During this time, she is not to remarry, move from her home, or wear decorative clothing or jewelry.

When one dies, everything in this earthly life is left behind, and there are no more opportunities to perform acts of righteousness and faith. The Prophet Muhammad once said that there are three things, however, which may continue to benefit a person after death: charity given during life which continues to help others, knowledge from which people continue to benefit, and a righteous child who prays for him or her.

Some of the difference I picked up on were generally those that would take old rituals and clash with Western Muslims. For example, one of the websites talked about autopsies as being forbidden, and another mentioned that they could be done, but care should be taken not to disturb the body too much, and to do it as respectfully as possible as quickly as possible. This would be a variation on a previously forbidden practice allowing for the government/law enforcement in this and other countries who need to do an autopsies for the purposes of establishing a cause of death.

From http://www.crescentlife.com/
There were a number of interesting facts on Crescentlife.com, where you could read about Islam and its Biblical-Quran comparisons, some of the different religions and how they compared and contrasted.

“The Sacredness of Life - Islam has made human life sacred and has safeguarded its preservation. According to its teachings, aggression against human life is the second greatest sin in the sight of Allah, second only to denial of Him.”

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Julie Mohr has lived in the Pacific Northwest most of her life, but she was born in Brazil to American parents. She is a former newspaper journalist who has worked at The Yakima Herald-Republic and The Seattle Times. Julie publishes a blog athttp://planetjules.blogspot.com and attends school part-time for the purpose of changing careers to nursing. Her personal experience in miscarriage and infant loss helped her decide to become a nurse, and guided her to several online groups where she helps support those going through similar experiences.
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ONCE IN A LIFETIME...

by Debbie Summers

I wandered down a lonely shore
my feet upon the marshy sand
A sense that I'd been here before
with you, as we walked hand in hand...
Wind at my face, my cheek on yours, then I leaned in for your embrace.
I heard the waves, in symphony, a rush of force that kept apace
with my heart's beat,
The roll then lull, repeat again, in concert with the steady rise
of veneration I saw in your eyes.
Face to face we listened as the sea saw fit
to dance around our feet
and root us to the spot, before she called retreat.

I walked some more along the shore
Alone yet filled with memories...
of time unknown in days of yore
When you were here alongside me...
Your voice a song all of its own, your words the lyrics, tune replete,
that wrapped itself around my heart,
I heard the music loud and clear, surrendering in sweet defeat...
Two sets of footprints down the beach, as far down as the shore did reach.
We were together all our lives, through happiness and bitter strife.

My eyes are closed as I recall it all
along with waves that crash and fall
Your touch, your scent,
your feet upon this firmament.
And then they open and you're gone
And once again I am alone.
I turn and watch the rolling sea, claim my mark upon the land
One set of footprints in the sand
Here then gone along with the notes of your song.

I wander once again, in search of you, in every face I see
Who will you in this lifetime be?
I do not know...

All I can tell is that I loved you so...

Eight Commonly Held Assumptions About Dying

If you are the caregiver for someone who is dying, it is important for you to know that the dying person’s meaning of death may be very different from yours. Try to gain a better understanding and avoid thoughtless actions when around the dying.

On page 50 in the sixth edition of Death, Dying, & Bereavement by Michael R. Leming and George E. Dickinson, there is a list of eight commonly held assumptions that people have toward those who are dying. Remember these are misconceptions, not facts!

1. Those with whom you work necessarily share your meaning of death.

2. Meanings that were helpful to earlier generations are equally functional today.

3. Meaning remains constant and does not change.

4. Dying biologically is all that is happening.

5. Knowing about the biological aspects of dying will in and of itself provide knowledge about how humans expect to behave in death-related situations.

6. The terminally ill person is the only one having death adjustment problems.

7. The dying person has somehow stopped meaningful living during the terminal period.

8. Talking is the only way for the caregiver to communicate that she or he cares.

I was sitting with my mom and uncle in the hospital room when Nanny called out, “Doris?”

Mom walked to Nanny’s side. “What do you need?” she asked. “I’m right here.”

“Hold my hand,” Nanny replied.

Mom took her mom’s hand and simply held it without saying another word.

When you don’t know what to say to someone who is dying, try to find other ways to communicate that you care. Perhaps sitting with them while the major caregiver goes home to shower and rest is in order. Maybe you could send a greeting card, sing a song, read a poem, gently massage their feet, or bring flowers to their room. There are many good alternatives to talking.

My mother and grandmother are two of the most compassionate human beings I know. Without realizing it, they both understand the sociological aspects of dying. I watched my mom and Nanny care for Pap (my grandfather) and Edmond (my mom’s brother) when they were dying. I’ve had great mentoring through their examples. I am no longer afraid to assist a loved one who is ill or dying.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Death Rituals

Death rituals are as old as culture if not older. Though specific rituals differ from region to region, religion to religion, there is a shared purpose for performing them:

1. to acknowledge loss
2. to mourn and grieve
3. to give loved ones and the community a chance to reflect, remember and validate the deceased's life
4. to give a last rite of passage.

What type of rituals does your family observe? Feel free to leave a comment and share with others.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Topics of psychology regarding death and dying

The following comes from my handwritten notes from an online sociology class I am taking via Chemeketa Community College. The text book for this class is Death Dying, & Bereavement by Michael Leming and George Dickinson.

1. Sociology looks at how individuals and society interact with one another and how we agree upon accepted and shared meaning and attitudes toward death and dying. This includes the loss of relationships due to death, how one person’s death affects an entire society, how society influences the meaning of death, how the meaning of death is agreed upon by a group of people, and how we respond and react to one another when the death and dying process is brought near and personal.

I found comfort in the text that mentioned the audience of dying person shifting from the living to the supernatural. My own grandmother is a case in point. She has been speaking to deceased relatives more and more as she approaches her final days. Her husband, my grandfather, did the same thing when he was transitioning in 1988. So did my uncle in 2001. Some will say this is drug-induced but according to Death Dying, & Bereavement by Leming and Dickinson, it is common for those who are departing the earth realm to talk to the unseen or deceased loved ones. I believe my grandmother actually sees and hears in the spirit realm. She has ever since she had a near-death experience in the 1950s.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Fear of Pain in Dying Process

When I faced emergency gall bladder surgery in 1989, I was more afraid of having to endure the suffering associated with recovery from such a horrendous surgery. Laser surgery was just becoming available, but it was not an option in my case because a gallstone was lodged in the bile duct and my gall bladder was so full that it had begun to perforate. There was too much of a risk that bile would leak into my abdominal cavity, so an eight-inch incision was made to remove my gall bladder and unblock my bile duct.

Even as I was suffering with severe pain prior to being taken into surgery, I was not concerned at all about dying. Honestly, I was quite angry when I awoke and found that I had survived! I hated the pain I felt then, and I detest suffering still. After witnessing my grandmother's plight these past months, I especially want to avoid pain in the dying process when my time comes.

I have signed a living will stating that I so not want to be placed on life support and forced to endure needless suffering should I become unable to live with any quality of life. While it doesn’t eliminate the possibility that I will suffer on my deathbed, I think this is a good way to assure that I will not to be kept alive by machines if I should end up in a persistent vegetated state. I don't think it is fair to a family to have to make a decision like the one Terri Schiavo's family faced.

If you would like to create your own living will, here's a free PDF of an advanced directive that you can download, print, fill in your information, sign your copy, and have it witnessed.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Finding Our Way Home

I recently learned that Aboriginal people send the spirit of their deceased loved ones back to its birth place so it can be reborn. That brought a memory to me. When I first witnessed a sea turtle come to shore in Melbourne Beach, Florida to lay her eggs, I was so intrigued that I did some research to learn more. These turtles return to the place where they were born in order to lay their eggs. Scientists are still puzzled about how they "know" where they were born and how they find their way back.

So it is with our spirit—we know from whence we came, and we will all find our way home!
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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Explaining Death to Children

How fitting that I signed up for a college sociology course on death, dying, and bereavement this fall. There is a section in our textbook about how to help children deal with death. This information will help me explain death to my 8-year-old grandson should he ask for my assistance. He is going to visit Nanny (his great-great-grandmother) this weekend with his parents. I want him to be prepared not only for his visit with Nanny but also for her impending death. He has spent a lot of time with Nanny since she lives with my parents and he enjoys going there any chance he gets. Sidney spends several weeks each summer with the three of them. Not many children have a close relationship with their five-generation matriarch.

I found a Web site that gives good information for helping kids deal with the death of a loved one. http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/death.html

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Congestive Heart Failure

My mom took my grandmother, Nanny, to a pulmonary specialist today. The nurse/technician drew 900 cc of fluid from around her left lung. This is the same side in which they withdrew 1000 cc when she was in the hospital two weeks ago. The concern is not only how quickly the fluid built up again, but also that the color of the liquid was raspberry. That means there is blood mixed with the fluid--a sign that her congestive heart failure is worsening.

Mom continues to have hope that Nanny will recover. After all, no one expected her to pull through last year when she had two surgeries to repair her broken hip. She not only survived, she was almost ready to put bear weight and start trying to walk again when she started having chest pains three weeks ago. I am in limbo while waiting for my mom to call me and let me know Nanny has passed. I hope it is peaceful and in her sleep. She's had enough trauma over the past year.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com