Topics of psychology regarding death and dying

The following comes from my handwritten notes from an online sociology class I am taking via Chemeketa Community College. The text book for this class is Death Dying, & Bereavement by Michael Leming and George Dickinson.

1. Sociology looks at how individuals and society interact with one another and how we agree upon accepted and shared meaning and attitudes toward death and dying. This includes the loss of relationships due to death, how one person’s death affects an entire society, how society influences the meaning of death, how the meaning of death is agreed upon by a group of people, and how we respond and react to one another when the death and dying process is brought near and personal.

I found comfort in the text that mentioned the audience of dying person shifting from the living to the supernatural. My own grandmother is a case in point. She has been speaking to deceased relatives more and more as she approaches her final days. Her husband, my grandfather, did the same thing when he was transitioning in 1988. So did my uncle in 2001. Some will say this is drug-induced but according to Death Dying, & Bereavement by Leming and Dickinson, it is common for those who are departing the earth realm to talk to the unseen or deceased loved ones. I believe my grandmother actually sees and hears in the spirit realm. She has ever since she had a near-death experience in the 1950s.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Fear of Pain in Dying Process

When I faced emergency gall bladder surgery in 1989, I was more afraid of having to endure the suffering associated with recovery from such a horrendous surgery. Laser surgery was just becoming available, but it was not an option in my case because a gallstone was lodged in the bile duct and my gall bladder was so full that it had begun to perforate. There was too much of a risk that bile would leak into my abdominal cavity, so an eight-inch incision was made to remove my gall bladder and unblock my bile duct.

Even as I was suffering with severe pain prior to being taken into surgery, I was not concerned at all about dying. Honestly, I was quite angry when I awoke and found that I had survived! I hated the pain I felt then, and I detest suffering still. After witnessing my grandmother's plight these past months, I especially want to avoid pain in the dying process when my time comes.

I have signed a living will stating that I so not want to be placed on life support and forced to endure needless suffering should I become unable to live with any quality of life. While it doesn’t eliminate the possibility that I will suffer on my deathbed, I think this is a good way to assure that I will not to be kept alive by machines if I should end up in a persistent vegetated state. I don't think it is fair to a family to have to make a decision like the one Terri Schiavo's family faced.

If you would like to create your own living will, here's a free PDF of an advanced directive that you can download, print, fill in your information, sign your copy, and have it witnessed.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Finding Our Way Home

I recently learned that Aboriginal people send the spirit of their deceased loved ones back to its birth place so it can be reborn. That brought a memory to me. When I first witnessed a sea turtle come to shore in Melbourne Beach, Florida to lay her eggs, I was so intrigued that I did some research to learn more. These turtles return to the place where they were born in order to lay their eggs. Scientists are still puzzled about how they "know" where they were born and how they find their way back.

So it is with our spirit—we know from whence we came, and we will all find our way home!
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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Explaining Death to Children

How fitting that I signed up for a college sociology course on death, dying, and bereavement this fall. There is a section in our textbook about how to help children deal with death. This information will help me explain death to my 8-year-old grandson should he ask for my assistance. He is going to visit Nanny (his great-great-grandmother) this weekend with his parents. I want him to be prepared not only for his visit with Nanny but also for her impending death. He has spent a lot of time with Nanny since she lives with my parents and he enjoys going there any chance he gets. Sidney spends several weeks each summer with the three of them. Not many children have a close relationship with their five-generation matriarch.

I found a Web site that gives good information for helping kids deal with the death of a loved one. http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/death.html

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Congestive Heart Failure

My mom took my grandmother, Nanny, to a pulmonary specialist today. The nurse/technician drew 900 cc of fluid from around her left lung. This is the same side in which they withdrew 1000 cc when she was in the hospital two weeks ago. The concern is not only how quickly the fluid built up again, but also that the color of the liquid was raspberry. That means there is blood mixed with the fluid--a sign that her congestive heart failure is worsening.

Mom continues to have hope that Nanny will recover. After all, no one expected her to pull through last year when she had two surgeries to repair her broken hip. She not only survived, she was almost ready to put bear weight and start trying to walk again when she started having chest pains three weeks ago. I am in limbo while waiting for my mom to call me and let me know Nanny has passed. I hope it is peaceful and in her sleep. She's had enough trauma over the past year.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

How sociologists study death and dying

This fall quarter, I’ve decided to continue my college courses through the online curriculum at Chemeketa Community College in Oregon. I needed a social science class to earn credit toward my AAOT degree and was excited when I saw SOC 232--a sociology course on death, dying, and bereavement. The text book for this class is the sixth edition of Death, Dying, and Bereavement by Michael R. Leming and George E. Dickinson.

I have assignments due each week in which I will be required to answer questions from the textbook and submit written posts to the online discussion board. Always looking for ways to make the best use of my time and knowledge, I like to repurpose any material I write and share it with others. Thus, as the class progresses, I’ll post excerpt of my assignments and share what I am learning on this intriguing subject.

While both are based on collecting data via observation and reasoning, there are two areas of study in which the topic of death and dying is approached by the social sciences: natural and social.

Natural sciences use a biological approach and social sciences use a sociological approach. The sociological approach also takes psychological and anthropological aspects into account and therefore leans somewhat toward the natural sciences.

The psychological approach looks at developmental life stages and attitudes from the cradle to the grave. This includes cultural differences and how the media desensitizes the masses regarding death denial.

The anthropological approach looks at the rituals people use to deal with death and celebrate life. It also assesses the emotional responses people have toward disposal of the body. A subfield ofanthropology uses bone identification, past and present human and animal remains to determine age, sex, and physical characteristics.

A sociological approach studies four theories: 1. structural-functional, 2. conflict theory, 3. social exchange, and 4. symbolic.

1. The structural-functional approach looks at the positive aspects and the balance in family, religion, economic, and political that death brings. All parts of society need to function well in order to keep things running smoothly.

2. The conflict theory focuses on the negative aspect and the inequality of the dying process i.e.: access to medical care for some. It deals with the lack of resources, imbalance, and things not going smoothly in society.

Both the structural-functional approach and the conflict theory studies funerals, relationships, returning to normal life after losing a loved one, body disposal, and funeral rituals in relation to social status i.e.: who and how many attend the funeral, where the service is held, and how property is distributed when the estate is settled.

3. Social exchange shows the social rewards and sacrifices people make to attend a funeral, the cost of burial, punishment for not attending or holding a service for the deceased. What does it cost to bury the body? Should the family have a celebration of life (party) and invite people to have a meal together and share memories of the deceased? What would such a celebration cost? Is it worth the perception of affluence it might give the family?

4. The symbolic approach addresses symbols as a component of human behavior. What will people think if I don’t go to the funeral service of my friend or loved one? This one drives home to me. I had a severe emotional reaction to a friend’s death two years ago. I was crying so much over his murder that I was unable to attend his funeral. I couldn’t keep my emotions calm enough to avoid embarrassing myself and upsetting his grieving family even more than they surely were.

I left for a pre-planned vacation out of the US while my grandmother (whom we call Nanny) was in the hospital. Per her request, I’ve agreed to play piano for her funeral when the time comes. I left, not knowing whether she would pass away while I was away or if she would get well enough to come home. Therefore, I drove five hours to see her before I left. That gave me peace of mind and the ability to enjoy my time off.

Chapter 2 of the text went into detail to show that defining the point at which death occurs is as impossible as defining when life begins--a very important part of a controversial book that I wrote and published in 2007 about embryonic stem cell research (http://right2recover.blogspot.com). There’s no way everyone is going to agree on one particular definition of when life starts or ends.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Intimate Encounters With Death

When I took the quiz on page 72 of the Sixth Edition of Death, Dying, and Bereavement by Michael R. Leming and George E. Dickinson, I realized that I have had an intimate encounter with death many times and at an early age.

When I was just a child, my family and I would stop by the funeral home on the way to or from church to pay our respects when an elderly member of our church was lying in state at the funeral home. Viewing corpses was not uncommon or uncomfortable for me as a child and it doesn't disturb me now.

I remember seeing my maternal grandmother sitting at her mother's bedside when she was dying. I was thirteen at the time and I’m sure this influenced my view of the dying process and prepared me for my current situation. My mom is caring for her mother who is in the dying process.

What about you? Are you comfortable discussing death and dying? How intimate are you with death? Click here to take a survey. You may want to subscribe to the RSS feed for this blog or sign up for an email reminder (below) so you will know when I post the answers in a few weeks.

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You might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife available on Amazon.com.

State of Mind, State of Health

Mind over matter. What you think about comes about. God helps those who help themselves.

You've probably heard all those quotations, but never are those statement so relevant than when someone is trying to recover from an illness. If someone is given a diagnosis of cancer and is told he or she has six to eight months to live, it's amazing how the patient will conform to those expectations. My aunt decided to live the rest of her days to the best of her ability and she has already outlived her predicted time allotment. My grandmother (Nanny) is another case in point.

Nanny fell and broke her hip and arm last November (2008) and had two surgeries to correct the damage. Her mind was set for recovery and she worked hard every day to regain her strength. She cooperated with her physical therapist and exercised to keep her joints mobile and her muscles toned. After this last bout in the hospital, she has given up. She says she "can't"do it anymore. She refuses to eat or believe that she can get better. She constantly asks for pain medication. She's 93; I'm sure she hurts all over. But, we have this tug of war between her body and her mind to deal with.

Staying focused seems extremely difficult for her. One minute she's praying for Jesus to take her home. The next minute she's asking him to help her heal. A double-minded person is unstable in all her ways and need not expect anything to happen as a result of prayer. The universe is always willing to help us manifest our desires, but we have to be consistently clear about what we want. I'm not sure Nanny is able to do that. Her body is still too strong to succumb to death, but her mind is too weak to stay focused on recovery.

Our state of mind definitely affects our state of health. Life is all about choices. I hope we are all making choices that will help us stay as healthy as possible.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Dying and Humor

Nanny's skin is very sensitive and the least little touch gives her pain. I'm not sure how much of it is psychological since she complains that we are hurting her even when we aren't touching her.

When my mom and I were bathing Nanny and getting her ready for her doctor's appointment Tuesday morning, she was grumbling and moaning that we were killing her. Adamantly, she crossed her arms over her abdomen and assumed the corpse position and said, "Just go ahead and bury me!"

Mom and I both burst out in laughter.

"I think that's against the law, Nanny," I said. "Police arrest people who bury bodies while they're still alive."

Wednesday morning we were changing her diaper. Since she can't roll over to help us, this is a two-person task. I took Nanny's hand to help her find the rail on my side so she could at least pull to one side or hold on.

"You hurt my sore hand!" she yelled.

"I was being gentle, Nanny," I said.

"They stuck me too many times at the hospital. They made a sore on my hand."

"I don't see a sore on your hand."

"Take that sore and throw it away," said Nanny.

I pretended to grab the invisible sore and threw it out the window. "Now, it's gone."

"Okay, that's better. Thank you."

If it weren't for a good sense of humor, dealing with the dying process would be absolutely intolerable.

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You might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Who Cares for the Caregiver?

The October issue of BottomLine Health had a great article by Vicki Rachkner, MD titled "What No One Tell You About Caregiving." It really got me to thinking about all this around-the-clock hand holding and consoling we are doing for Nanny.

Mom and I are wearing ourselves out and Nanny is so incoherent at night that she doesn't even know where she is. Even though she talks all night, I don't think she is fully awake. It's kind of like sleep walking, but since she can't get up and walk, she's sleep talking. It's like she's dreaming and giving a verbal play-by-play account of her astral activity.

Our consoling does absolutely nothing to calm her down or deter her from talking incessantly. By depriving ourselves of much-needed sleep, we are feeling run down and that makes us frustrated when Nanny really needs our full attention during the day when she is awake. That's when we prep meals, feed her, bathe her, dress her, work on her physical therapy, talk to her, get her up out of bed to sit in her recliner. No caregiver can operate 24/7 without burning out.

I think we will turn off the baby monitor tonight, go to bed, and let her self-soothe. Let's hope for the best!

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

The Roller Coaster of the Dying Process

The process of dying can last for days, weeks, or even years. I suppose one could say that we are born to die and everyone is in the process of dying from the cradle to the grave. However, the dying process I'm speaking of pertains to the valley of death that those who are elderly or have a terminal illness go through.

That valley has many stages: the beginning of the end, the middle vale of waiting, and latter days of suffering when death is imminent. It's difficult to determine which stage the patient is in, because the dying process is accompanied by many ups and downs within the valley. One day the patient seems to make some progress toward recovering health and the next day, she takes a plunge and causes us to think the end is near for our loved one. The emotional, mental, and physical path doesn't seem to be a straight one; it seems there are circles and loops that intersect and make us wonder, "Haven't we been here before?" It's kind of like playing the game, Candy Land. Your turn. Oh, you got Queen Frostine; you're almost home. I got a purple card. Uh, oh; you got Plumpy and you're back to the start.

Nanny has been going through this. After having a heart-to-heart talk with her early this morning in which she expressed her readiness to die, she was weak and decrepit from her three-week-long battle in which she has endured multiple medical complications including congestive heart failure. It seemed like she was giving up and didn't want to do anything to try to recover. Surely, the end of the end was approaching.

Nope, we're banking left and doing another loop de loop to revisit the valley of recovery!

The physical therapist came to work with her about two hours after our "I'm going to miss you" talk. Lo, and behold! She did her exercises with him and even stood to her feet with help from the therapist, me, and a walker. She stood twice--about five seconds each time--and was able to bear weight on both legs. This was a major feat for her because she has not stood up since she fell and broke her hip 11 months ago: the beginning of the end.

The ups and downs are like a roller coaster for the patient and the caregivers. We never know what a day (hour?) may bring, but it is sure to be an unpredictable adventure.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Leaving a Loved One Behind

It was emotionally difficult for me to leave my grandmother in the hospital and go ahead with our planned vacation to the Dominican Republic last week. My mind was not at ease and I felt like I was in a stupor the entire time I was there. One morning, I awoke having a dream in which Nanny, my mom, my brother, and I were running a relay race. Nanny had gone as far as she could and she was passing the baton on to us. I heard my brother say, “Something is wrong at home. Call us when you can.”

I felt sad because I know the dream means that Nanny is handing us the torch and that we will soon be carrying on without her. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions from something I heard in a dream, so I didn’t call to see what was wrong at home. I didn't want to feel more sad than I already did. To compound things, I went to pick up email and none of my family had given me an update on her. My mind went crazy. I was afraid Nanny had died and no one told me. I broke down and cried when I was lounging by the pool. Such paradise...

I finally got a report from my mom the next day. Nanny was still having some breathing problems that seem to come and go. Most likely from fluid build up. The hospital drained 1000 cc from her left side and sent her home with oxygen at 2 liters. Her stats looked good and she did not have a fever. That gave me some relief.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

How long?

My grandmother, Nanny, continues to suffer with congestive heart failure. She went to the doctor today (quite an ordeal for someone who has been bedridden for almost a year) and found that the fluid around her heart and lungs is increasing. She was referred to a pulmonary specialist and has an appointment next week to see if he can drain off some of the fluid like they did when she was in the hospital.

I wish my mom had more help here in Georgia. She's exhausted as the only caregiver for her mom. Even with the technology I have available, it's still difficult to work remotely. I'm not sure how long I can stay. I have to get home to Nashville before I start losing business. How long can my mom endure? How long before Nanny gets well or dies?

How long?

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Denial When Death is Approaching

"When will my kids believe I am dying?" My Aunt Kat asked me when I last visited her. She has terminal lung cancer.

I could not answer as to why her kids and grandkids don't visit her, but I do know that when my grandfather was dying, I had a hard time watching him suffer. He lived right next door to me, yet I avoided going to see him because I wanted to remember him as the vibrant character I had always known and I was very uncomfortable being around someone who was dying. It's scary!

I didn't realize at the time how much I could have helped to relieve the caregivers (my mom, my grandmother, and my aunts) just by being there. Nor, did I understand how much my visits would have meant to my grandfather. Now that two of those caregivers are dying, I have decided to dive in and just feel whatever I feel. And, I won't lie--it hurts. I am spending as much time as I possibly can with them. It's not easy to watch someone struggle to take the next breath. It's not fun to be awake all hours of the night tending to a sick loved one.

I sat and held Nanny's hand for hours last night as she cried out to Jesus, "Please take me home, Lord!" I cried, too, and I have to admit that I was asking Jesus to take her soul with Him.

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray thee Lord my soul to keep.
If I die before I wake,
I pray thee Lord my soul to take.

Tears come and go as my sorrow builds up and has to be released like a pressure cooker. I'm letting my own pain ooze out in small increments--just enough to keep from exploding when she does finally pass.

There's no use denying death. It will not go away. Like my Aunt Kat says, "Let's not pretend that there isn't an elephant under our living room rug!"

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife available on Amazon.com.

Sundowners Syndrome

My maternal grandmother, Nanny, is having a bit of confusion, restlessness, and anxiety in the evenings. It usually manifests about 7 p.m. During this period, she doesn't trust that we are giving her the correct medications; she fights us when we try to feed her; and she cries and moans for hours, begging Jesus to take her home. It's heart wrenching and exhausting to be in the house with this energy.

It's like hitting a switch and Nanny changes into this insecure, forgetful, childish, and pitiful person that I've never known her to be. It's almost like she has Alzheimer's, but her mind was very clear before this last surgery, and it is still clear during the day. My daughter told me this type of mood disorder is called "sundowners syndrome." I looked it up online.

Sundowners syndrome, also known as sundowning, is a condition in which sufferers (particularly the elderly) experience periods of extreme agitation and confusion during the late afternoon or early evening hours. Some patients may be irritable toward caregivers or hospital staff. It is believed that sundowners syndrome is related to the decreased amount of light in the evening and night hours. It can be caused by drug interactions or stress associated with lower cognitive function. About 45% of elderly patients who have had anesthesia are affected by sundowners syndrome.

When sundowners syndrome hits in the evening, Nanny wants someone to stay in the room with her. If Mom or I hold her hand, she will doze off, but if she is alone, she can't sleep and she repeatedly calls us to come hither. We were up with Nanny for about four hours last night. No wonder my mom is exhausted. She's been staying up at night with Nanny for the past two weeks, and still has to handle meal preparation, keep Nanny's medicines on schedule, bathe her, change her diapers, and do all the household chores. Mom has been handling Nanny's care for almost a year since Nanny fell and broke her hip last November. Nanny was cooperating with physical therapy and eating well. Now she is so weak, she can't even roll over to help mom dress her.

My mom turns 70 this December. We are going to have to hire some help before this pace affects her health.

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More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife may be purchased on Amazon.com

Staying out of the Freezer

My aunt Kat lives with her sister, who is my mom’s twin, Dot. Kat was fast approaching the eight month since being diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. In hospice care at home, she was not feeling well the day her mom’s (my grandmother, whom we call Nanny) 94th birthday came around. Nanny lives with my mom and dad about 20 minutes from Dot and Kat.

My mom and Dot had a lot of work to do in preparation for Nanny’s birthday party. Food had to be cooked, my mom’s house had to be cleaned, and decorations had to be installed before the 50-plus guests arrived. Kat was too weak to drive, so she would have to ride with Dot a few hours ahead of party time so Dot could help my mom get everything ready.

Kat wanted to stay home because she didn’t feel like joining in the festivities, but Dot wouldn’t hear of it.

“I feel so bad, I could just die,” Kat told Dot.

“You can’t die today,” Dot said. “We’ve got too much to do! If you die today, we’ll have to put your body in the freezer until tomorrow!”

Kat went to the party. Upon arriving, my mom asked her, “How are you feeling today?”

“I’m just trying to stay out of the freezer.” Both sisters laughed.

Eleven months have passed since Kat received the news that she probably had six to nine months to live. Knowing that the disease will eventually take her life, she says every day is a miracle. I agree.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife available on Amazon.com.

Update on Nanny

My grandmother (Nanny) was having horrible pain in her lower back when she was taken by ambulance to the hospital on Sunday night. The pain meds the hospital staff gave her were not helping. An MRI showed several fractures in her spine due to osteoporosis, an injury she sustained in 1976, and perhaps a recent injury. A simple movement like getting her from her wheelchair to the examining table at the doctor's office could have caused the fractures. At any rate, one vertebrae was compressed and pinching a nerve. She was supposed to have a Kyphoplasty procedure (http://orthoinfo.aaos.org/topic.cfm?topic=A00388 on Wednesday to inject some type of filling material into the damaged areas. However, her sodium and iron levels were too low, and she ended up getting two units of blood in hopes of getting her stable enough to do the procedure on Thursday.

It looked like we were losing her. I just couldn’t go on my planned vacation without seeing her, so I drove to Atlanta yesterday, spent a few hours with her, then drove to my aunt Kat’s to check on her. Back to the hospital this morning in hopes that Nanny would be able to have the procedure. Her blood levels still weren’t back to normal today but the pain, inactivity, and morphine were jeopardizing her chances for recovery. So, her doctor went ahead and did the Kyphoplasty procedure (http://orthoinfo.aaos.org/topic.cfm?topic=A00388) this morning. I waited several hours to hear how things went, but I hadn’t packed a thing for our trip to Punta Cana. I had to get back to Nashville in time to pack, catch up on some business emails, and get some rest before the taxi arrives at 4:30 in the morning.

All the way home, my mind was saturated with all the wonderful memories I have of the times I’ve spent with Nanny. Two hours into the trip, my mom still hadn’t gotten to see Nanny and we were worried when the doctor told us she was having trouble breathing and her blood pressure was low. She has fluid around her heart and lungs. Finally, Mom got to see Nanny about five o’clock this afternoon. Nanny was awake, knew where she was, what had happened, and who everyone was. The Kyphoplasty procedure went well, and she has relief from her back pain. Her vitals are still improving. Hopefully, she will be able to get her blood gases to stay in the upper nineties without the bi-pap by morning.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife available on Amazon.com.

Update on My Aunt and Nanny

If you've kept up with my blog for a while, you may know that my aunt, Kat, is dealing with terminal lung cancer. She has already outlived the six to eight months the doctor expected she might last when she saw him last November. Kat refused to have any more chemo or radiation and has been in hospice at home where she lives with her sister, Dot (my mom's twin). A hospice nurse comes by once a week to check her progress. Or, should I say demise? No, for a while Kat stayed at a plateau and didn't get worse or better. I think she was on hold until my grandmother, whom we call Nanny, decided if she was going to live or die. It seems to me that Kat and Nanny may have a contract to leave this world together or at least near the same time.

Nanny fell and broke her arm and hip last November, but made miraculous recovery after two hip surgeries. She was about to start physical therapy and learn how to safely put weight on the still-healing leg, when she got a urinary tract infection. The doctor put her on an antibiotic called Macrobid. The drug nearly killed her when she had a cardiac reaction to it. She was on the verge of having a stroke when my mom (her live-in caregiver) called for an ambulance. After spending several days in the hospital, Nanny came home on Wednesday. However, she was again taken to the hospital last night. There is fluid around her heart and the spinal vertebrae that she injured in 1976 is deteriorating and causing significant pain every time she moves.

About two weeks ago, Kat's health began taking a decline. She had been having headaches all along, but they became so bad that a stronger medication was added to the menagerie of drugs she is already taking. She got an upper respiratory infection, possibly pneumonia, but since she is in hospice, she doesn't see a doctor. The hospice nurse prescribed an antibiotic that helped some. At least she is able to sit up long enough to send me a funny or sweet email.

Despite the fact that she is on a constant and high intake of oxygen, her blood saturation level stays in the upper eighties and she feels weak most of the time. So weak that hospice offered her a walker to help her get around in the house. She doesn't want a walker. Hell, that's like admitting that she is approaching another stage of the dying process. She also refused to have a hospital bed at home, but Dot vetoed that decision. Kat is now using the motorized bed and recliner that were delivered two weeks ago. I think she likes playing with buttons and making the bed go up and down. In her condition, that's about as exciting as being on a roller coaster.

Nanny and Kat live about 20 minutes from one another. Kat still tries to make the trip once per week to see Nanny and let her know that she's still alive. They talk on the phone several times daily, and never go to bed at night until they tell one another "goodnight and I love you." So sweet. I love my family.

The twin sisters have it hard right now. Both are living with and caring for a relative who is fighting to stay alive. Dot recently retired from her day job so she could tend to her younger sister while my mom tends to Nanny. I live 250 miles away and don't get to Atlanta as often as I need and want to.

I'm supposed to leave for vacation next Friday. I'll be out of the country for a week. Kat and Nanny, please don't die while I'm gone. I'm coming down for a visit when I get back from Dominica Republic. Just hold on.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife available on Amazon.com.

Never Too Late to Learn

Even though I've written a book on the subject, I've signed up for an online college class on dying, death, and bereavement. I've been watching my aunt and grandmother slowly slide the slippery dying slope for the past ten months. I figure I'm about to have a crash course in death and bereavement, so I might as well learn how to do it right.

Can you believe I am actually excited about taking a course about such as "grave" matter? Pun intended. This week, I got the $112 used text book in the mail. (Can you say death of a checkbook?) Since the class starts on September 28, I plan to read the first chapter before I embark on my week-long trip to the Dominica Republic this coming Friday. I emailed the instructor two weeks ago to let her know that I would not be in class the first week, but she hasn't replied. I hope she hasn't died.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife available on Amazon.com.

Spirit Guides, Deceased Loved Ones, and the Afterlife

I spoke to my Aunt Kat last Sunday. She was in good spirit and has a good mind--even though she says cancer is killing her brain cells. We were able to laugh as we chatted about dying. She and I both are able comfortable talking about the afterlife. She plans to visit me once her spirit leaves her body, which will probably be soon. Her health is failing and she is entering the latter stages of her battle with lung cancer.

She says she will give me the sign of a cameo or silhouette to let me know she is contacting me from the other side. As much as I hate to lose her in physical form, I'm actually looking forward to having her near me in spirit, and hope she will visit me often. Even though Kat still clings to her Christian views, she is open to communication from the other side. I suppose she has heard her mom (Nanny) talk about her "visitors" so many times that it is a natural and acceptable to believe.

Nanny, now age 94, had a near-death experience (NDE) when she was in her thirties. In the NDE, she communicated directly with angels who told her she had to come back to earth and finish raising her children. Until recently, Nanny rarely spoke of it with anyone but my mother and me. Probably because I have had two NDEs and totally understand and believe her. And, mom? Well, she doesn't say much one way or the other about it. I'm not sure if she sees in the spirit and doesn't admit it, or if she's just humoring me and Nanny.

As Nanny's life is coming to a close, she frequently shares that she sees and talks to her husband and son, her siblings, and her own mother from the spirit realm. In the past 10 months (since she fell, broke her hip and arm, and had two surgeries to repair the damage), she's been seeing angels and spirit guides more often than before. The messages they deliver bring encouragement that her time on earth is short and that everything on the other side is set for her arrival. Seems like an entourage is waiting for her there. It will be sad to see her leave us, but it is comforting to know that she will be reunited with loved ones when she passes through the veil. I don't think Nanny has any plans to visit me from the spirit realm. She's too excited about getting to the "other" folks!

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife available on Amazon.com.