In my interview with Dr. Milstone he mentioned that he has seen repeated cases where a patient has, through false hope or denial, clung to life in order to get to certain events such as a wedding anniversary, a holiday, the marriage of a child or a trip somewhere. He mentioned instances where the patient died within hours of having been told the truth about the seriousness of their condition. Likewise, it may be helpful if the family or you as a hospice worker let the patient know that it’s okay to go.
Dr. Milstone says, “The mind is an incredible, powerful force over the body; more than we have realized. It may be that the mind directs the release of certain chemicals like catecholamines that help drive the body. When the mind shuts down, the catecholamines stop being released and the body dies. There may be other factors involved, but I am a complete believer that the mind is really what either keeps the body alive or lets the body die.”
When I spoke at Atlanta Hospice last month, Barbara Moore mentioned a patient who was ready to die, wanted to die, but kept hanging on. Barbara intuitively knew what this patient needed. He needed to know that his daughter would be okay without him. He needed her to tell him, "goodbye." When the daughter came to visit, Barbara asked her to speak with and to tell her father that it was okay for him to go.
"I can't do that," the daughter said.
"You have to," Barbara insisted. "He's suffering, he's ready to go, and he needs your permission to depart."
Reluctantly, the daughter did as Barbara asked. Ten minutes after the daughter left the center, the man died in peace.
If you are tending to a patient that you know is holding on because he or she believes you or someone else needs or wants them to stay, please consider giving the patient permission to depart in peace. Here are some ways you can verbalize that in a positive manner.
"You've been a valuable person in my life. You have taught me how to take care of myself. I want you to know that I'm going to be okay when you go. It's okay to go whenever you feel ready"
"If you are holding on because you are worried about me, I want to release you from your fear. I will be fine and I hope that when you are in the afterlife, you will visit me to let me know you are doing well. Then, you'll see for yourself that even though I may be grieving, I am going to be just fine."
"I know you are staying because you love me, but it would be selfish of me to make you stay in your body when your soul is ready to leave. I love you and I give you permission to go and reunite with your loved ones on the Other Side."
"I appreciate all the love and support you have given me in this life. You have been a great example to me. I want you to know that I will continue to show love to others even after you leave me. I bless you to find peace in the hereafter."
"If you feel it is time to go, I will not hold you back. I trust you will relax now and allow yourself to find the joy and peace that awaits you in the afterlife. I know we will see one another again one day."
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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife.
Purchase on Amazon.com
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