More Than Meets the Eye, True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife covers many aspects of the dying and grieving process and sheds light on euthanasia, suicide, near-death experience, and spirit visits after the passing of a loved one. ___________________________________________

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Pulling Away from Someone Who is Dying

We knew the time for Nanny's passing was close. Her suffering was becoming unbearable. It was emotionally torturous for me to see her in such agitation and pain. The meds didn't seem to be working to ease her and dementia was getting worse. When I saw her at her 99th birthday party, she did not recognize me. She was begging Jesus and the angels to come and get her. I was trying so hard to hold back my tears that I triggered a migraine headache and ended up in bed part of the afternoon.

For the past few years, Nanny could not see or hear well. Her mind was not as sharp as it used to be and it became difficult to carry on a cohesive conversation. I stopped calling her. My trips to Georgia became less frequent as the chaos in my parents' home became more intense. Being one who is overly sensitive, I cannot in good consciousness judge anyone who pulls away when the emotional pain is too great to bear. I pulled away when my grandfather was ill--he lived next door to me at the time.

I used the five-hour drive as an excuse to pull away physically from my grandmother's suffering and from all the stress I saw my mother taking on. The household was in turmoil. My grandmother and I began connecting in spirit. As an intercessor and shaman, I was called to help her tie up loose ends so she could depart in peace. She was ascending and this would be her last incarnation on Earth. She had to stay until she had fully completed her mission. At last, she had sung all the colors of the rainbow.

The night before my grandmother died I was texting my mom. Less than a month prior, Nanny had been admitted to hospice care at home where she lived with my parents. She could no longer swallow, which meant she could not eat or drink. Mom and her sister took turns sitting beside the bed and holding Nanny's hand. That night she was having difficulty breathing.

As I told my mother goodnight, I fluffed my pillows and set my intention to connect with Nanny. I was sending her love and light when I began to feel a blissful energy enveloping my entire body and aura. I felt at one with everything and everyone. It was like I was incarnated as every person all at once. I realized by experience, and not just a head knowing, that I truly was one with all that is. God/Goddess had never seemed so real or tangible. I could hardly feel my body lying on the bed. I was floating in divine love. The peacefulness was so intense I could not help but let my tears of joy have their way. So this is what it is like to be pure essence and not have an individual body! Nanny was sharing with me what it feels like to be "dead." Ha ha! Dead is better than being tethered to a body. That's for sure.

It was this experience that gave me the grace to move through the next week with very few tears or sad emotions. I arrived to give last rites six hours after Nanny's spirit had slipped away from her suffering form. She looked like she was asleep as I drummed and sang to her. The undertaker arrived soon after and I helped him get Nanny's lifeless body onto the stretcher that would take her from the home she had shared with my parents for 16 years. The next days were spent making arrangements and preparing for the guests who were arriving from three states. Spending time casket-side with family that I had not seen in years was a side benefit--an unexpected family reunion. Then, came the joyful task of singing and playing at my beloved grandmother's funeral. My cousin and I led the congregation in a few hymns that we knew Nanny liked. It was like being in church together again--like old times we had shared in decades prior.

But not everyone was experiencing the blissful anointing of grace that I was enjoying. You see, when someone we love dies, it reminds us of every loss we have ever experienced. If we did not finish processing that grief, it comes up for a second round of healing when a new experience of grief is added to the mound of pain we have shoved under the carpet.

So when we see someone expressing tears and sobbing for someone we think they were not all that close to, it's not just about this current situation. It's about years of sorrow and painful emotions that have been repressed, which are now asking for release. Offer them a shoulder to cry on. Give them a hug to let them know you support their healing through tears. It has been said that tears are like an orgasm of the eyes--tears release pent up energy. Lighten their burden with a caring smile. We are in this life together. We are one in spirit!

For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on It's also on Amazon as an e-book. The audio book is also available!
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