Three Major Shifts in the Way Americas Experience Death

From the sixth edition of Death, Dying, and Bereavement by Michael R. Leming and George E. Dickinson.

Historians have noted three major shifts in the American experience of death: Living death (1600-1830), the dying of death (1830-1945), and the resurrection of death (1945-present). Each of these periods shows how society’s perception about death and dying has changed over the past 400 years. As culture changes, so does people’s views of the death experience and the treatment of the dying person.

Living Death

Between 1600 and 1830, death was a typical part of the American life. Everyone was well acquainted with death. Bodies were prepared for burial and laid out in a wooden coffin at home. The bodies were buried in the local cemetery, on the back portion of a rural property, or in a church graveyard. Puritans saw death as punishment for sin and encouraged one another to fear death and be prepared to meet God. After the funeral, everyone returned to daily life. Between the 1730s and 1830s, Americans were influenced by the Enlightenment, the American Revolution, Unitarianism, and evangelicalism and gave new choices from which to form new beliefs and behavior about death, dying, and bereavement.

The Dying of Death

American philosophy about death and dying began to change between 1830 and 1945 when a middle class sector began to rise amid the poor and rich. An undertaker and embalming practices came on the scene and began to separate social (public) life from home (personal) life. Families no longer needed to prepare the body at home. This not only shielded families from the harsh reality of death; it gave them a new way to deal with it through the use of caskets, hearses, music, monuments, written funeral notices, flowers, and decorations.

The Resurrection of Death

Death erupted into daily life once again when the US bombed Hiroshima. This started a cycle of war, terrorism, and the threat of the “end of the world” through powerful weapons of warfare and destruction. Today, we live with the fear that our lives could be taken by an act of war or terrorism. We have more violence in the news, movies that depict ghosts in a morbid and scary way, and we have military friends and loved ones on duty in the middle east.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Eight Commonly Held Assumptions About Dying

If you are the caregiver for someone who is dying, it is important for you to know that the dying person’s meaning of death may be very different from yours. Try to gain a better understanding and avoid thoughtless actions when around the dying.

On page 50 in the sixth edition of Death, Dying, & Bereavement by Michael R. Leming and George E. Dickinson, there is a list of eight commonly held assumptions that people have toward those who are dying. Remember these are misconceptions, not facts!

1. Those with whom you work necessarily share your meaning of death.

2. Meanings that were helpful to earlier generations are equally functional today.

3. Meaning remains constant and does not change.

4. Dying biologically is all that is happening.

5. Knowing about the biological aspects of dying will in and of itself provide knowledge about how humans expect to behave in death-related situations.

6. The terminally ill person is the only one having death adjustment problems.

7. The dying person has somehow stopped meaningful living during the terminal period.

8. Talking is the only way for the caregiver to communicate that she or he cares.

I was sitting with my mom and uncle in the hospital room when Nanny called out, “Doris?”

Mom walked to Nanny’s side. “What do you need?” she asked. “I’m right here.”

“Hold my hand,” Nanny replied.

Mom took her mom’s hand and simply held it without saying another word.

When you don’t know what to say to someone who is dying, try to find other ways to communicate that you care. Perhaps sitting with them while the major caregiver goes home to shower and rest is in order. Maybe you could send a greeting card, sing a song, read a poem, gently massage their feet, or bring flowers to their room. There are many good alternatives to talking.

My mother and grandmother are two of the most compassionate human beings I know. Without realizing it, they both understand the sociological aspects of dying. I watched my mom and Nanny care for Pap (my grandfather) and Edmond (my mom’s brother) when they were dying. I’ve had great mentoring through their examples. I am no longer afraid to assist a loved one who is ill or dying.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com