How to Give Terminal Care to a Dying Parent

By Kum Martin

Usually, as children we reconcile to the fact that sooner or later we will have to care for our parents because of deteriorating health and age. However, when your parent is diagnosed with a terminal illness, it can be devastating for you. Giving terminal care to a dying parent is not easy. Usually, this type of care is given when the life expectancy is less than 6 months.

Talk to your parent about terminal care and other treatment options. Find out what your parent wants. At times, your parent may not be ready to give up treatment options to prolong life. Hence, their wishes should be fulfilled. However, warn your parent about the possible side effects after discussing the same with the doctor. If your parent does not want to suffer from the side effects, then terminal care would be the only option available. This concentrates on making the person feel more comfortable during the last stages of the disease.

Speak to your parent about making end of life care decisions. If your parent is lucid and able to make decisions, then find out whether they want to spend the last days of their life at home or in a hospital. This is important from your parent's point of view, as it will reduce emotional stress and also let them choose where they die. Generally, people with terminal disease want to spend their last days surrounded by their loved ones and in familiar surroundings.

Make sure that your parent gets palliative care during the last stages of their disease. This will keep your parent comfortable and reduce symptoms associated with the disease. The doctors may medicate your loved one for pain and other uncomfortable symptoms that they may experience, such as nausea, shortness of breath or constipation. It will also provide you with some relief, as palliative care tries to ease the burden of the primary caregiver. It gives emotional, spiritual and physical support to both the patient and family members. Speak to your parent about hospice care, as it will allow your parent to die with dignity and grace.

When your parent is lucid, find out about what plans they have in place for their funeral. It sounds morbid to be discussing such a topic even before the person passes away, but it will allow you to fulfill your parent's last wishes. This may not be necessary if your parent has made a living will.

An important part of terminal care is providing emotional support to the dying person. This is extremely challenging, as everyone involved will be emotionally fraught. Hence, you would have to get your emotions under control and be there for your parent. Speak to your loved one and find out what they want. At times, they would just want you to listen. Address any spiritual need by calling on a religious leader. If they want to reminisce about the good old days, make sure you listen actively and also speak about those days. Try to spend as much time as possible with your parent, while ensuring that they are comfortable and pain-free.

Kum Martin is an online leading expert in elderly care. He also offers top quality articles like: Terminal Illness

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Handling the End of Life Decisions of a Loved One With Alzheimer's

By Brian Willie

Unfortunately, there is likely to come a time in every caretaker's life when he or she is forced to make an end-of-life decision for a loved one with Alzheimer's. These choices are not easy and cannot only take a mental and emotional toll on a person, but can cause intense physical pain as well.

Ideally, before the Alzheimer's progresses to a point where your loved one is unable to make these important decisions on their own, discussions about their wishes should take place while they still have the capacity to decide what they really want.

People with Alzheimer's have a legal right to limit or pass up medical or life-sustaining treatments including the use of ventilators, antibiotics and cardiopulmonary resuscitation as well as artificial nutrition and hydration.

Through advanced directives, Alzheimer's patients can decide whether or not they want to be kept alive artificially should the need occur. To avoid putting pressure on your or another family member, you should encourage your loved one to make this decision as soon as they are diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

It's important to an individual with Alzheimer's that his or her family members do not argue with their decision or associate the choice to not receive treatments or be revived as assisted suicide.

Keep in mind that an Alzheimer's patient reaching the end of his or her life is likely to be in the very advanced stages of the disease and therefore incredibly confused and uncomfortable. For someone in this state, aggressive medical treatment could feel like torture and bring more pain than comfort.

If you are faced with making the important decision of whether or not to keep a loved one alive, think carefully about what he or she may have wanted. Consult with close friends and family members who know your loved one well and speak to doctors about what they believe would be best for your him or her.

The decision is never easy, but may arise, so talk to your loved one before the Alzheimer's progresses and they are unable to communicate to you their wishes.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!

Euthanasia and Assisted Suicide Raise Strong Emotions

By Rosemary Redfern

Euthanasia and assisted suicide are emotive subjects. Our fears about death and dying and the laws, both religious and state, which control the legality of death, are powerful influences on all of us.

Staying alive is one of the strongest drives any animal, humans included, has. At the same time, those who are carnivorous in their diet expect animals to die to feed them. This is part of the food chain and is echoed by the animals who hunt for food as opposed to non carnivorous animals.

Society does not expect anyone to kill another person; yet we execute people we deem to have committed certain crimes. We send our children to fight wars for our countries, knowing they can be killed or maimed. These concepts are accepted are normal. Man is an aggressive creature and very muddled in how it thinks.

The danger for most of us with euthanasia and assisted suicide is that someone will die because they are rich, in the way, getting old and being a nuisance or some other idea. Yet when our pets become distressed with disease and old age, after consulting a vet, we give them the mercy of releasing them with a quiet injection and call it putting the animal to sleep. The grief is no less but we feel it is a kind thing to do.

When humans suffer from dreadful diseases like the end of some cancers, motor neuron disease and diseases which take away the independence and dignity of the individual, those who have nothing to do with the person dictate they should live and suffer. They seem to be devoid of imagination of what it is like to suffer unbearable pain or suffocate slowly because the body cannot get air.

Suicide is frowned upon as a cowardly act. For someone who is desperately disfigured it is seen as the only answer. The only person who can know what it is like, is the individual who is suffering. Their family and friends can have some idea because they see the results every day but they cannot know. When you love someone you do not want them to struggle with survival which is traumatic.

Living wills have been designed so that in the event of an unexpected disaster, the wishes of the person are known. Who knows what is happening inside the head of someone who has been in a coma for years. Who knows what quality of life they have. Why is it so terrible to allow someone to die in peace.

In some countries these elements have been considered and thought through. There are legal controls and nothing is done without the criteria being covered. A person cannot just be disposed of as a whim. Surely this is a humane way to treat people who have gone as far as they can. For the religious, dying means getting the reward they have worked for during their lifetime, a positive thing surely.

There is a strong case for euthanasia and assisted suicide.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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A Memorable Death

Marvin is 55 years old and he has a brain tumour. He is getting physically weaker by the day and is now having difficulty in breathing. However, he is still mentally very alert.

Although Marvin knows that death is imminent, he does not seem to fear death, at least not outwardly. As he is not talking very much about his impending death, I take it as a sign that he or those around him have not fully accepted the reality of his situation. I personally feel if this hurdle is overcome, it would make a tremendous change for all.

Good or bad deaths

For the past 17 years, I have witnessed countless deaths. To simplify my observation, some deaths can be termed as “good” or easy while a small number are considered “bad” or difficult.

William was 44 years old when he was diagnosed to have kidney cancer. As his cancer ravaged his bones and liver, he became physically weaker. Refusing to believe that his death was near, he fought it all the way. Each day, he harboured hope for a cure and he was constantly searching for it. He was angry with his doctors because they could not offer him a cure and so he directed his hope towards alternative treatments. Despite trying various types of alternative treatments, he succumbed to his disease.

William had a difficult time as he was dying. From the numerous house visits, I could see that he was afraid to face death and to accept his own mortality. He was fearful of the unknown after death. What was there waiting for him? Would he exist after death?

He diverted his remaining energy resisting, resulting in more frustrations and despair. (describe his last moments to show the contrast between good and bad deaths)

In contrast, 72-year old Jane who was a former nurse had a peaceful death. She died from a terminal chronic obstructive airway disease as a result of heavy smoking during her younger days.

Towards the end of her days, Jane accepted that she was dying and instructed her loved ones not to attempt any heroic resuscitation on her. Instead, they should let her go naturally and peacefully.

Common characteristics

In short, a good death can be achieved when a person is fully accepting that death is inevitable and that it’s a part of the living process. Better still if he/she believes that we are in essence spiritual beings, not just a physical entity.

By fully accepting death and it being a part of a life cycle, we would not cling on to our dying body. This process allows us to let go of our attachments to this physical existence. It lets us focus our remaining energy to prepare ourselves for the next step - the transition into another existence. Whether you believe in a single life or many lives and rebirth, the next step is essentially a transition from a physical existence to a spiritual one.

That brings us to the knowledge or belief in our spirituality. Without this, it is truly very difficult to see death in a positive way. When we believe in our spirituality, or when we know deep within that we are essentially a spiritual being, then death can even be something to look forward to. After all, discarding an old and weak physical body that is full of pain for something newer and better should not be too difficult.

Thus, whether we are going to experience an easy death or a difficult one depends on how we view death and how we view ourselves.

There is no pain in death

One of the things most dying people are afraid of is the belief that death may be painful. The truth is that death is painless. This is true regardless of whether you are experiencing a good or a difficult death.

Pain is a physical sensation. It only exists as long as the physical body is intact. At the point of death, there is no pain as the physical body cannot feel anymore physical sensation. Thus even if one is suffering from severe bone pain as a result of the cancer spreading to the bones, the final moment is pain-free. It was evident in Marvin’s last breath.

Bring It Out In the Open

Death is a subject that is difficult for most people to talk about, yet when one is dying, the urgency is there. This is true for the dying as well as for his loved ones.

Talking about death and acknowledging it openly make it easier for all involved to accept death as a natural part of the living process. This acceptance helps the dying to let go of his attachments to his own physical body as well as his attachments to those around him. Likewise, it allows his loved ones to let him go in peace, instead of clinging on to him. Not allowing a dying person to go peacefully can cause him to hang on unnecessarily and make it more difficult for him to go peacefully.

A Memorable Death

In some ancient cultures, death is not seen as something dreadful. In fact, it is an event that is worth celebrating. After all, shouldn’t we be happy that we are “going home”?

This reminds me of a memorable death of an old lady. She was the mother of one of my regular patients. Being a very religious person, she had approached death in accordance to her faith. During her last hours, a group of her friends was present to chant sermons for her. Soothing recordings of the chanting were also played continuously as the old lady waited for her final moments.

According to her loved ones, she looked radiant when she passed away and all those present were able to sense her departure. The old lady had turned her death into a joyous event!

Learning from this, perhaps we should all remind ourselves that death need not be a dreadful thing and that we can turn it into a joyous and spiritual occasion. We do have a choice, even in death.

Dr. Tim Ong is a medical doctor who runs his own busy medical practice. In his free time, he enjoys giving public talks, teaching meditation and offering his service to hospice work in the community. He is also the webmaster of The Self Improvement Site and Mind Science Info. He also gives away his personal collection of life transforming ebooks at Book of Transformation.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com