Caregivers Setting Boundaries & Breaking Soul Contracts

There comes a point when it is time to give up clan, tribal, familial, and societal norms and expectations and move into the unknown in order for your soul to find acceptance and love. Often, this requires setting boundaries with others who have tried to control you. This is something many empathic people find difficult to do.

We came to Earth to inspire others, not to do everything for them, or to be something for them that they can be for themselves. We empaths came here to be examples of a more evolved human—one that goes beyond the norm and pushes the envelope of what humans previously believed they could do.

People know how to suffer, live in lack, and be sick. Lightworkers come to demonstrate health, abundance, success, and happiness. We came to teach and demonstrate the Universal Laws of manifestation through thought, desire, attitudes, emotions, and gratitude. Accomplishing this mission may require that you give up the friends or relationships you have now—especially if they are harmful or holding you back.

There’s much said about being a martyr, and none of it (in my opinion) is positive. Our society heralds self-less caregivers as saints, but how many are cheerful givers? How many people really enjoy being a doormat? How many honestly want to give up their own lives and goals to care for another person who has manifested an illness? Our bodies obey the commands of our minds. If the body has become sick, it is because at some subconscious level the mind believes it should be or deserves to be ill. Perhaps there is some payoff that this person receives for being incapacitated. Dr. Henry Grayson’s book, Use Your Body to Heal Your Mind, deals with this in detail.

Is it the fear of what others (friends, family, or even your “patient”) will think of you that keeps you from putting the very draining and incapacitated person in a facility where they can be cared for by staff members who are trained for this purpose? If you are afraid that your “patient” won’t be cared for as well as you can care for them at home, then you are not allowing that person to have the experience that their soul set up for learning. Have you ever considered how taking on this kind of burden or responsibility could hinder your own health and spiritual progress? You may need to break soul contracts and sever any psychic ties you have with this person and allow them to find their own path through the suffering they have created for themselves (as a coach, I can help you with this). Their suffering does not have to be your suffering, unless you agree to it.

So, consider honestly answering a few questions.

It is a sense of obligation that keeps you duty bound to the bedside of a loved one?

How many burdens are you carrying that are not your own?

Why are you running interference and keeping another person from resolving karma?

Why are you allowing your own “temple of the Holy Spirit” to lay in ruins while you give, give, give? Giving is the exhale. You must inhale to live in balance.

How long will you allow others to make demands of you?

What can you do today to begin to care for yourself and stop worrying about what other people think of you?

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Yvonne Perry is the author of More Than Meets the Eye ~ True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife; Whose Stuff Is This? ~ Finding Freedom from the Thoughts Feelings and Energy of Those around You; and Shifting into Purer Consciousness ~ Integrating Spiritual Transformation with the Human Experience.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Caregiving Tips for Boomers: 5 Tips for Decreasing the Cost of Caring for Elderly Parents

By Dr. Vicki Rackner

Over 30 million Baby Boomers provide countless hours of assistance to elderly parents at no charge. It is estimated that, using average hourly wages, the total amount of this uncompensated care is comparable to the entire Medicare budget. For the estimated 7 million Boomers who provide long distance care, actual out of pocket expenses amount to almost $5,000 per month. For caregivers who have, or are considering leaving the workforce to care for an ailing parent, the costs are even greater - over $650,000 in forfeited salaries, benefits and pensions.

This stark economic reality shows only one dimension of the price caregivers pay for this act of love.

Caregivers pay with losses that extend well beyond their bank accounts. They often forego the activities that bring joy and richness to their lives, like meeting friends for dinner, or going out to the movies or taking family vacations. They pay with their time, the loss of professional opportunities and the erosion of personal relationships that result in isolation.

Sometimes, otherwise healthy loved ones need a short dose of care as they recover from an acute medical episode like a broken leg. Usually loved ones are on a path of steady decline with cascading assistance needs. Some caregivers sacrifice large chunks of their own lives as they help their parents and other family members and friends peacefully make their transitions. Caregivers can pay with their own health and well-being. In fact, we have evidence that some caregivers pay for their acts of care with their very lives.

You can decrease the personal and economic costs of caregiving. This means proactive planning rather than reactive responding. Planning saves money. You know this as you reflect upon your experiences of going to the grocery store with and without a shopping list. Planning also minimizes personal wear and tear and decreases stress. You will feel much better when you know your options and develop back-up plans before you jump into a challenging project.

5 Tips to Decrease the Cost of Caregiving:

1. Begin the conversation today. We have tremendous cultural resistance to the recognition of aging, disability and death. Just as the first few steps uphill are the hardest, so, too, you may meet the greatest resistance simply starting the conversation about their possible need for care. Say today, "Mom and Dad, it would be great if you lived forever, but the discovery for the fountain of youth is nowhere on the horizon. What thoughts and plans do you have about enjoying your golden years?"

2. Create a plan. Talk with your parents about their ideal plan if they are no longer able to care for themselves. Then, start to work toward that proactively. Investigate long-term care insurance. Draw up the appropriate legal documents. Find out who would make medical choices if they were not able to make them on their own, along with some guiding principles for the choices. You can anticipate and limit parental resistance by saying, "Mom and Dad, I just got back from the lawyer's office signing my will and durable medical power of attorney. I've asked Mitch to make my medical choices if I cannot make them myself. Just so you know, if I were in vegetative state, I wouldn't want to be maintained on a machine. You probably already planned ahead too, right?"

3. Use personal and community resources. Make caregiving a family job to which each member contributes. Even children can make grandma's life special with drawings and phone calls. Identify services that make your job as a caregiver easier. If you and your parents live in the same community, check with friends and neighbors and local organizations to learn about services and resources that will make your job easier. You say, "Mom has just moved in with us, and she wants to 'find a card game with the girls.' Do you know of any senior centers that have social events? How about transportation?"

We're a mobile society and millions of caregivers live more than an hour away from their parents. Executive William Gillis learned from his own personal experience how challenging it is to identify community resources from afar. As he was carving the path that ultimately led his on-line portfolio management service, he became the caregiver for his father. Talk about mixed emotions!  Professionally, he was introducing a service that let millions manage their investments with one click of a computer mouse. Personally, he was investing untold hours just to find one bit of information to help his dad."

As with so many innovators, he used his personal and professional experience to launch Parent Care (www.parents-care.com), a service that he wished would have made his life as

a caregiver-at-a-distance easier.

4. Gather cost-savings tips. This might mean something as simple as ordering generic medication or regularly inquiring about senior discounts. But, most cost savings opportunities aren't as obvious. Mr. Gillis found, for example, that some states will pay for phones for hearing, visually or mobility limited seniors or fund home safety improvements. He said, "We've invested heavily to locate time and money saving resources that most would have difficulty finding. I made it a personal mission to help other caregivers avoid some of the costs and frustration I encountered." You don't have to re-invent the wheel. Tap into the resources others have collected.

5. Take care of yourself. You will be able to provide the best care as a caregiver when you're at your best. Get good nutrition, enough sleep and regular exercise. Manage your stress and do a little something every day to nurture your soul. Understand that you are at increased risk for anxiety, depression, and weakening your immune system. Talk to your doctor if you see worrisome signs such as problems sleeping, changes in appetite or loss of interest in activities you enjoy.

Despite the costs, most caregivers say that they received much more than they gave. Most say they would do it again, and many do.

Sometimes the question is not the personal cost of caregiving; it's the value that you bring to the lives of others that matter at the end. What personal cost are you willing to pay for the privilege of helping those who welcomed you into the world to enjoy their golden years and travel the road of illness with love and dignity?

Dr. Vicki is a board-certified surgeon and Clinical Instructor at the University of Washington School of Medicine who left the operating room to help caregivers and patients take the most direct path from illness to optimal health. Want more tips about caregiving? Get your free report "Caring for the Caregiver" by emailing Dr. Vicki Rackner today at DrVicki@DrVicki.org and be sure to check out her regular column with the Johnson & Johnson Consumer Products Group’s new caregiver web site http://www.strengthforcaring.com
 

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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Heather Von St James | A Mesothelioma Cancer Survivor Story

Cancer is not the focus of this blog, but a positive, uplifting story about overcoming an illness can be a huge help to any sort of caregiver when they're feeling down.

Cameron Von St. James was thrown into the role of caregiver when his wife, Heather, was diagnosed with a very rare and deadly cancer called mesothelioma, just three months after the birth of their only child. They were initially told that she could have less than 15 months to live, but she was able to defy the odds and eventually beat the cancer. During her treatment, Cameron had to learn quickly to be an effective caregiver, and there were many times when he became overwhelmed and beaten down by the role, but he and his wife managed to fight through it together. They recently participated in a short video about his wife's cancer experience, which they hope to use to raise awareness and support for people fighting illness, and the caregivers who fight alongside them. Here is the link to the video: http://can.cr/heather
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Virgil Anderson is a lung cancer survivor through the care of the medical professionals at mesothelioma.net, one of the most comprehensive online resources for mesothelioma asbestos health and safety information. "Heather's story is a testament to the strength and courage of women everywhere, and a beacon of light to the asbestos cancer community," says Virgil.

We send continued well wishes to Virgil and all those who are fighting or have overcome this disease.



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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Loving Parents Who Are Fading

By Marcia McGuire

If you have someone in your family who is fading with Alzheimer, you will relate to this article about my Dad. He has dementia. Some days he'll play the piano and sing, others he can't even find his bedroom. He repeats so much, your head is reduced to just nodding a smile because you've heard the same words over a hundred times. I can't count all the times I've heard how some men came over to hang his elk heads on the wall. (Actually, it was my sister and her son, but telling him otherwise, as you know, won't be a part of the next conversation.)

But this article isn't about my visits to see daddy. It's about his caregiver, my faithful mom. She has her own health problems and yet, she's the sole person to love and take care of her aging husband while at the same time, struggles to keep a hold of her own health.

How many couples are in that same situation, one taxing the other, both spiraling down? Our weekly visits and prayers that the next time we come, that they'll be doing just as good, aren't all that they need. What is to be done?

Here's some ideas:

1. If at all possible, have them live near one of the children, not necessarily in their home, but around the corner or in a small apartment on the property. This way they'll have someone there every day to check and give rides for groceries or to see grandchildren. It isn't the same when they live across town. If anything, it's important just so they know someone is nearby to give them security.

2. Have a church body or circle of friends help. We want to serve one another and what better way than to reach out to our elderly. It's amazing how having another person there can make both brighten up.

3. Make arrangements for the caregiver (mom in our case) to have time away from the Alzheimer one which gives them a fresh look and a breather. Arrange for a senior citizen bus to pick them up for a day out with others their age. There's caring folks working in these services that are great asset.

4. Cook meals ahead so you know they are going to eat right. Package and freeze in their meal proportions.

5. If they don't know computers, introduce the caregiver parent a simple way to get online. Show them how easy it is to shop online and have it sent right to their front door. Use as few of click as possible to enjoy Facebook, where they can meet friends. Set the screen saver to show pictures of family. We make CDs and installed them into mom's My Pictures in her computer. This way they can sit and see familiar faces. Dad especially recognizes his mom and for the time being, his children although that part is fading too, so keeping faces familiar is important.

6. Be careful how you tell either of them what they need to do. They've made decisions all their lives and taking away that thought process is detrimental to both. It's especially vital to have the caregiver spouse have space and an opinion. Suggestions, yes, but not "You need to...." Encourage both of them gently, never boss which quite often makes them balk and not cooperate. They both need dignity and lots of "yeses" especially the Alzheimer parent. I remember one incident where dad wouldn't get in the shower because he was told he had to. My sister came in and just said, "Dad, the showers on. Your turn," and he forgot he was arguing about getting in.

7. Call them often. My sisters have daily rituals to call mom on their way to work, and she watches like clockwork for their calls. I'm not a phone talker, so I send love letters in the mail. Mailboxes get way too many ads and bills, so I love picturing dad peering inside their box by the front door and carrying his treasure to mom to read. (You should see some of the silly treasures they get inside that box.)

8. Most important, remember, they've taken care and loved each other all these years and know they're married for better or worse. The worse is happening, and they're dealing with it. We need to be a safety net for them.

9. And when, and if, the day arrives they have to place their dementia companion in a care center, be even more keen for the one left at home. It will be empty and, after nurturing their "child" sweetheart for so long, they'll wonder what's next and how to fill their time. Add to this, all the memories that will fill their minds, acting like little ghost everywhere. Be acutely aware how they're coping with all the changes.

10. Talk with your siblings and other family members of ways you can help them. Hopefully they will realize their responsibility is to be there for them.

Think of this story that pretty much explains what is going on.

"It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 a.m., when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

"On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

"I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

"I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?' He smiled as he patted my hand and said, 'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.'

"I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, 'That is the kind of love I want in my life.' True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be."

And that's life for our family. Daddy has dementia. We deal with it because we love him. Many families have a parent that is fading and needs assistance, for us to be involved and loving them all that we can. They were there for us. We're returning. And the circle of life goes around until we may find we are fading and need our children to love us.

Marcia is married to Dennis and has seven children, is grandma to sixteen, a school teacher and has an online shopping mall with name brand stores. [http://www.grenfo.com/newsletter.html]

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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Caregiving For Elderly Parents - Managing Money Issues

By Sharon Elrod

Many seniors have elderly parents for whom they provide caregiving. Senior citizens are helping each other when they talk about their various experiences with aging parents. These are some conversations recently observed among seniors talking about parenting their parents.

One had an aging parent in a nursing home in another city. On their behalf, they recently sold some property from an estate for which they were a beneficiary. The funds were then deposited in an account to be used exclusivly for the parent. The procedure was then explained to the parent, whereupon they stated that they expected the funds to be deposited in a local bank account, so they "...can write checks" to use the money. This elderly parent has a slight cognitive impairment and medical reports from several different offices have noted her poor judgment and inability to do effective reality testing over the past decade; she was also recently a victim of an identity theft scam that left her totally perplexed about how she was victimized. She hasn't had access to a checking account for several years, and it became the editor's job to determine how he would handle this situation with his mother.

He decided to write a letter to his mother detailing how the funds were reserved for her use, and why he would remain in control of them, which in effect meant she would not have direct access to the money. He asked her to keep the letter so when she had questions about why she couldn't write checks on the account, she could refer to the letter for a detailed explanation. The letter was written in kind and loving tones, using simple language she could easily understand. He expects to hear questions from her about the funds, and he will both answer the questions as well as refer her to the letter that explains the entire process. He is credited with maintaining a loving and supportive relationship with his mother throughout his life, never giving her any reason to doubt his intentions with relationship to her.

Another senior citizen is dealing with an aging parent who managed his own financial affairs until just the past couple of months. He is severely cognitively impaired and unable to remember anything beyond a few seconds. Long term memory is somewhat better, but even details are confused when he relates a memory from years ago. Over several months, it became clear to the editor and her siblings that he was unable to manage his various investments alone and, in fact, there was some concern about the possibility of identity theft and being a victim of scams on the elderly. She knew action had to be taken sooner rather than later.

She and her siblings agreed they would ask him to voluntarily execute the power of attorney he had prepared several decades ago, realizing that if he did not agree, they would be faced with having him declared mentally incompetent-a place none of them wanted to go. When approached about the POA, he readily agreed to execute it, which now allows two of them to participate in all financial decisions that must be made on his behalf. The siblings are credited with maintaining a loving relationship with him over eight decades which was likely the basis for him feeling comfortable with signing the document.

On the surface, these two experiences have very little in common. However, the seniors discussing the issue agreed they learned an important lesson in caregiving for elderly parents: There aren't any 'rules' for how to deal with financial issues with elderly parents. Each situation must be carefully evaluated, taking in to account all the dynamics and variables that affect where the parent is at a given point in time, knowing that can change in the future. The best advice coming from the discussion is to act from a position of love and caregiving for one's parent, evaluating medical, social, environmental, mental, emotional, psychological realities of the parent, and then asking yourselves how you would want your child/children to act if you were the one receiving care.

Article provided by Sharon Shaw Elrod. Senior Citizen Journal, Your Partner in Productive Aging, provides current and relevant information on topics of interest to seniors. Please visit my web site at http://www.seniorcitizenjournal.com/.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Caregiving For Elderly Parents - Decision-Making

By Sharon Elrod

Caregiving for elderly parents is an increasingly searched topic on the Internet. Many of us seniors are caring for our elderly parents, some in their own homes, and some in senior living residences such as assisted living and nursing homes. No matter the living accommodations, we have the same issues to consider as we care for our loved ones. 'Loved ones' means we may be talking about our parent(s), extended elderly family members (aunts and uncles) or close elderly friends for whom we have accepted care and responsibility in their last years.

The gamut of decision making options is available to you and others with whom you may share caregiving.. How do you decide how decision-making is handled? How much to you control, and how much does the elderly parent/relative control?
 These are some guidelines that you may find helpful as you continue on this journey:

• Always include the elder in as much decision-making as is possible given their unique situation with regard to cognitive functioning, safety issues, emotional state, physical condition, economics and practicality.
• Dad may want to make a 1500 mile road trip, but at 94, he can't find the wind shield wipers in the car. So you try to help him understand why he cannot make the trip, and explore other possibilities for going where he wants to go.
• Mother may want to cook three meals a day, but her shoulder injury from a recent fall prohibits her from being able to lift a pan from the cupboard to the stove. So you talk with her about options for meals including a delivery service (e.g., Meals on Wheels or a private in-home delivery service, depending upon economics).
• Aunt Isabel was found walking along side a country road over a mile from her farm house. It was raining. The sheriff deputy knew her and you, and she called you to come get your Aunt. Her Alzheimer's had progressed to the point that you finally had to make the decision to place her in a Memory Care Unit in the local Assisted Living Facility. She needed care and couldn't make the decision for herself. It was up to you to decide on her behalf because she could not participate.
• During your weekly visit with your father, in his own home, he tells you he wants only a private family burial service when he dies. He does not want a church service, nor anything in the funeral home. Although he has serious dementia, you believe he has thought this through and this is his choice. You honor his choice when he dies.
• Your aunt and uncle, ages 92 and 91, are still driving. You are aware of the safety issues as well as their need to remain as independent as possible. You talk with them about both safety and independence, and try to strike a bargain with them offering to drive them to appointments, grocery shopping and other transport needs. If economics allow and if they agree, you hire a private driving service if you are unable to do the driving for them. If economics do not allow, and if they agree, you strike agreements with two or three other family members to take turns driving for them. If they do not agree, you may need the assistance of a physician (neurologist?) to determine whether or not safe driving is still an option-particularly if you have reason to believe they are not safe driving.

The operative thought here is to include the elder in as much decision-making as is reasonable and possible given their unique set of life circumstances.

Article provided by Sharon Shaw Elrod. Senior Citizen Journal, Your Partner in Productive Aging, provides current and relevant information on topics of interest to seniors. Please visit my web site at http://www.seniorcitizenjournal.com/.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Sharon_Elrod
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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Caregiver Stress - 6 Tips to Avoid Burning Out

By Martin R. Sabel

Taking care of an elderly parent can be a Jekyll and Hyde experience for family caregivers.
On the one hand providing care to an aging parent can be very rewarding. It brings the caregiver adult child and their parent closer together. On the other hand, increasing responsibilities ramp up caregiver stress and heightens tension within the family. Anxiety and worry increase when the caregiver is maintaining a job, caring for his or her own children, leads an active social life, and must travel to care for the elderly relative.

The tasks of caregiving - running errands, cooking, cleaning, home maintenance, taking your mom or dad to doctors - appointments often exacts both an emotional and physical toll on the caregiver. In fact the pressures of caregiving are so great that 58% of caregivers show symptoms of clinical depression.

Pay attention to how you are feeling. To be an effective caregiver to your aging parent means staying alert to the warning signs of excess stress. Some of the common signs of caregiver stress include:

• Feelings of sadness
• Moodiness
• Excessive crying
• Low energy
• Feeling isolate
• Difficulty sleeping
• Over and under eating
• Withdrawal from family and/or friends
• Excessive wait gain or loss
• Anger towards the care recipient or other family members

These signs are leading indicators of depression. Depression impacts not only your ability to care for someone else, it harms your mental and physical health, too. If you feel you need more help, you're not alone. According to a study by Home Instead, the national in-home, elderly companionship and home care company, three out of every ten family caregivers agree they could use more help.

Six Tips That Manage Stress and Avoid Caregiver Burnout

1. Hire professional, non-medical caregiving assistance to give you important relief from the daily demands on you.
2. Ask your family and friends to help. It's less expensive than hiring someone and you know the qualify of care your parent will get.
3. Get informed about your elderly parents condition. Contact disease specific support groups. They offer a wealth of information to help you understand what is happening to your loved one and what to expect in the future. Most have active caregiver support groups that can help you better cope with increasing stress.
4. Get your loved one assessed. A geriatric care manager can provide an accurate needs assessment of your loved one. Doing so extends your caregiving abilities, can conserve family resources, and often helps prevent the need of a nursing home.
5. Learn stress-management exercises such as yoga or tai-chi. The exercise is good for your overall health and the emphasis on inner balance and relaxation is good for your mental well-being.
6. Take a break. Caring for an elderly parent is a job. Getting away from the daily grind allows you to recharge yourself. Make arrangements to take a few days off and arrange for help with family and friends, volunteers from church or professional caregivers.

Caregiver burnout is avoidable. To manage caregiver stress requires proactively taking care of yourself while taking care of your aging parent.

With the right information, you can reduce caregiver stress, keep your life in balance, save money and get better care for your elderly parents. To help you reduce the anxiety of caring for an elderly parent, I invite you to instantly access my FREE Weekly Eldercare Advisor. You'll discover both practical caregiving strategies and important resources for taking care of elderly parents without bankrupting yourself emotionally or financially.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Hospice Care and Palliative Care: Similarities and Differences

By Katrina Millar

For most people there is no difference between palliative care and hospice care, especially to those who are not in the healthcare field. They may seem similar in terms of their philosophy, but these two are quite different in many ways. This article will bring clarity to such confusion. If you know of anyone, may it be your family or friend who is confused between the two, this article will help you get a better idea of what the two types of care are all about. This is also helpful to nurses who are either working for or wanting to work in these types of fields.

What is Hospice Care?

It is described as support and care for patients who are terminally ill. It is the facility's goal to give them the best comfort and satisfaction with their remaining life. Rather than focusing on the finding a cure for their illnesses or trying to extend their lives, the facility does its best in making them happy during their living days. They want the patients to experience a good quality of life.

Their philosophy is that which accepts the reality of death. That death is part of life and one must accept it.

What is Palliative Care?

Palliative care is used inside and outside hospice locations. In general terms, palliation is described as that which focused on relieving and preventing suffering in patients who have diseases or conditions that are not responsive to curative treatment. Palliative care's goal is to give patients relief from their illnesses.

While they both have similarities, they are still essentially unique on their own. Palliative care is usually being offered and used in hospitals, whereas hospice care is usually used in a patient's home. Palliative care areas offer therapies that aim to give patients a longer life, as this kind of care does not stop them from finding a cure for their illness of condition. On the other hand, hospice care facilities only treat patients who are willing to give up any treatments that can cure them of their conditions. If they are still in search of curative treatments, they may not get coverage for their care. When it comes to costs and reimbursement, hospice care is fully paid by Medicare benefit or Medicaid. It is also important to note that those who want hospice care through Medicaid or Medicare must be found to be within the last six months of their life.

Working in hospice care and palliative care are both rewarding for registered nurses. Which RN specialization would you prefer?

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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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What Awaits You in the Caregiving Journey?

By Cindy Laverty

Caregiving shows up differently for each family. Often it appears out of nowhere. Sometimes it's temporary, but frequently it hits families hard and lasts for a very long time. It's a journey that rocks worlds; steals self-esteem; creates loneliness and frustration and is full of more surprises than Christmas morning. It takes you on a labyrinth of winding roads and emotional twists and turns. If you are a caregiver, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. If caregiving has not called upon you, no doubt one day it will. After all, there are currently 65 million family caregivers in America; the odds tell us that it's bound to show up one day.

Few people are ever prepared for this journey. Perhaps it's because we don't want to think about it; or maybe it's because we can't imagine having one more thing to do; so we wait and quietly we wonder if it's going to happen to us. I can tell you from personal experience and years of helping family caregivers manage the journey; even if you think you are prepared, you never really understand what is happening until you are in "it," until you are fully emerged in this life-changing journey. Certainly, you should have the proper legal work in place. You need to make a house safe for an elderly loved one and you need to have some idea about the financial resources available. If you have these things in place, then you are in the smallest minority of people who have actually thought about becoming a caregiver.

The caregiver's journey challenges each person's physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual constitution. It is without a doubt one of the most rewarding experiences you will ever have, but if you enter into it without your eyes wide open, it has the potential to make a mess of your world. So let's explore what this journey is like and what you can do to make some changes or what you need to do to prepare.

Physical Challenges: There is the obvious assistance that caregivers often need to perform; help with dressing, bathing, eating, moving from bed to chair, turning someone in bed and these types of activities can, in and of themselves be physically debilitating. However, the real detriment comes when caregivers forget about self care - caring for one's own physicality on a daily basis. There is never enough time to do all the things one needs to do in a day and therefore, the person who suffers is always the caregiver. When you put your personal well being on the back burner, it is a dangerous tight rope to walk. Caregivers who do this end up taking approximately ten years off their lives! And here's the interesting thing: When I ask someone why he/she would do this, the answer is always the same. "I don't have time to take care of me." You don't have time NOT to take care of you. If you don't put yourself at the top of the hierarchy of needs, you are headed for big trouble. If you don't matter enough to yourself, please stop and think about the person you are caring for. Who will care for that person if you end up in the hospital? I've said this before and I'm going to keep saying it - SELF CARE is NOT optional! Please do not sacrifice yourself for the sake of another.

Emotional: Caregiving is an emotional roller coaster ride. Chances are that you are watching physical and cognitive changes in someone who you are very close to and that wreaks havoc on your heart. Couple that with your own personal stress, worries, sadness and frustration and caregiving becomes a sea of emotions. Part of engaging in self care is learning ways to manage your emotions. There are so many ways to do this, but the truth is that you have to make a decision to actually do it. You can read books on this subject. You can seek wise counsel. You can get advice lots of different places, but if you don't actually DO IT, you are wasting your time. Your body will reflect what is happening for you emotionally and when you are out of balance, your body will scream at you. Practice emotional self care each and every day. Here's a little hint: Never, ever stuff your feelings. Our feelings are there for a reason. I teach people how to honor and embrace their emotions, because when we learn to do this, we just feel better.

Intellectual: Yes, caregiving challenges you intellectually, because you must now become wise about how to communicate with medical personnel. You have to learn new ways to communicate with your loved one, and this isn't always easy. You will undoubtedly be dealing with attorneys at one point or another and you will also need to learn the ins and outs of Medicare. These things are not easy because it's like taking a crash course in college to get a degree. The best things you can do are to ask a lot of questions and take notes. Be confident when you show up for appointments or when you are talking to someone on the phone. Even if you aren't confident, practice speaking like you are. Knowledge is power and in the beginning you might have to research and educate yourself. Ask questions and seek help from experts.

Spirituality: Caregiving challenges us to look inward. At some point in this journey you will be forced to get quiet and ask the big questions. You will be forced to question your beliefs and this is good. Each person's spirituality is different, and therefore, each individual must engage in a daily practice of some form of spirituality. It doesn't matter what it is. It could be taking a walk outside and listening. It might be a daily five-minute meditation. It could be a conversation with God. Maybe it's reading from a spiritual book every day or maybe it's a visit to your religious community. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you do it. What matters is that you continue to engage in a daily practice that brings peace to your soul.

Americans are struggling with the caregiving journey. We have never been taught what to do. Most of us never believed that caregiving might last for years. Many people are living in denial about the effects that caregiving will have on their lives and therefore do nothing. It's hard to wrap your head around this subject. I get that, but I also know for sure that we are being asked to step up and find new ways to care for our loved ones and that forces us to examine our lives differently. How will the caregiving journey affect you?

In this free report I share the top 10 Strategies I learned that saved my life. Visit http://www.soulofcare.com to get immediate access to your FREE REPORT. Practice these tips and watch what happens.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Cindy_Laverty

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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Caregivers Setting Boundaries & Breaking Soul Contracts

There comes a point when it is time to give up clan, tribal, familial, and societal norms and expectations and move into the unknown in order for your soul to find acceptance and love. Often, this requires setting boundaries with others who have tried to control you. This is something many empathic people find difficult to do.

We came to Earth to inspire others, not to do everything for them, or to be something for them that they can be for themselves. We empaths came here to be examples of a more evolved human—one that goes beyond the norm and pushes the envelope of what humans previously believed they could do.

People know how to suffer, live in lack, and be sick. We Lightworkers came to demonstrate health, abundance, success, and happiness. We came to teach and demonstrate the Universal Laws of manifestation through thought, desire, attitudes, emotions, and gratitude. Accomplishing this mission may require that you give up the friends or relationships you have now—especially if they are harmful or holding you back.

There’s much said about being a martyr, and none of it (in my opinion) is positive. Our society heralds self-less caregivers as saints, but how many are cheerful givers? How many people really enjoy being a doormat? How many honestly want to give up their own lives and goals to care for another person who has manifested an illness? Our bodies obey the commands of our minds. If the body has become sick, it is because at some subconscious level the mind believes it should be or deserves to be ill. Perhaps there is some payoff that this person receives for being incapacitated. Dr. Henry Grayson’s book, Use Your Body to Heal Your Mind, deals with this in detail.

Is it the fear of what others (friends, family, or even your “patient”) will think of you that keeps you from putting the very draining and incapacitated person in a facility where they can be cared for by staff members who are trained for this purpose? I just finished reading a book titled What You Think of Me is None of My Business and it sets the record straight on why it is important to care for yourself and develop your own soul. Spirit is waiting for you to manifest your heart's desire.

If you are afraid that your “patient” won’t be cared for as well as you can care for them at home, then you are not allowing that person to have the experience that their soul set up for learning. Have you ever considered how taking on this kind of burden or responsibility could abort your own soul’s spiritual lessons? You may need to break soul contracts and sever any psychic ties you have with this person and allow them to find their own path through the suffering they have created for themselves (as a coach, I can help you with this). Their suffering does not have to be your suffering, unless you agree to it.

So, consider honestly answering a few questions.

• It is a sense of obligation that keeps you duty bound to the bedside of a loved one?
• How many burdens are you carrying that are not your own?
• Why are you running interference and keeping another person from resolving karma?
• Why are you allowing your own “temple of the Holy Spirit” to lay in ruins while you give, give, give?
• How long will you allow others to make demands of you?
• What can you do today to begin to care for yourself and stop worrying about what other people think of you? 

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Yvonne Perry is the author of More Than Meets the Eye ~ True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is also now available!
 
Whose Stuff Is This? ~ Finding Freedom from the Thoughts Feelings and Energy of Those around You; and Shifting into Purer Consciousness ~ Integrating Spiritual Transformation with the Human Experience.

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Elder Home Care - How to Elder Proof A House

By Lyn Vincent

Every elder wants to stay in his or her own home for as long as their health would allow them. In achieving this goal, several changes within the home would be necessary. Deterioration in health, reduced mobility, weakness, falls, arthritis, poor vision, dementia are some of the conditions that may affect functional ability and thus increase the risk for accidents and injury in the home. These changes would promote safety, encourage functional independence and help carers carry out their function more efficiently. Below is some equipment to help make the home elder proof.

Elder Proof Lounge - As frailty begins to have its toll on the elder performing simple task such as sit to stand from chairs and sofas becomes difficult and more effort is required to accomplish the task. Raising the height of chairs and sofas would make a difference as the added height would make it easier for the elder to sit to stand independently with or without the use of hands. Chair raisers are used in elevating low chairs in the home. The riser recliner chair is also a suitable option for those who can afford it. It is particularly beneficial to those who have no strength to push up from sitting.

Elder Proof Bedroom - Getting in and out of the bed is another difficulty the elder could encounter in the home; he may consider trading in a very high bed for a bed with an ideal height or get bed raisers to raise a low bed. A bed loop is a useful tool in completing bed transfers and so is a leg lifter. Electric beds are also beneficial if they can be afforded.

Elder Proof Bathroom - Grab rails, bath boards and bath seats are useful tools that could be fitted to help getting in and out of the bath become easier for the elder. A bath lift is a better solution if this can be afforded. Shower stools or shower seats could be used in the shower. Other options if the elder is willing to consider it would be converting the bath room into a shower room or perhaps a wet room.

Elder Proof Toileting - Many elders are particularly concerned with their toileting due to increased urinary frequency and urgency. A commode is a welcomed option for night use as it can positioned close to the bed. An elder with much reduced mobility would also find the commode beneficial during the daytime due to ease of access. The glideabout commode is a commode on wheels. Carers prefer this option as it could be used for transportation within the home. A grab rail or toilet frame gives the elder something to hold on to if he /she depend on the use of the hands in sitting to standing. A toilet which is too low for the elder can also be fitted with a raised toilet seat.

Elder Proof Kitchen - A perching stool is a useful tool in the home for completing simple everyday tasks such as washing up, preparing drinks or simple meals as the elder might need a resting spot when performing these tasks. The perching stool can also be used in the bathroom for strip washing, brushing or shaving. A kitchen trolley is useful in transporting drinks and meals from the kitchen.

An elder who lives in a house with steps or/and stairs may want to consider the following adaptations in the home:

- Stair rails and grab rails

- Stair lift - Convert steps to ramp

- Consider downstairs living if there is enough space for a bed and access to a bathroom and toilet In the event where the above adaptations to the home will not make much difference, the elder may need to consider relocation to a step free bungalow.

De-cluttering the home would create enough space for mobility and equipment and also reduce the risk of a fall. Removing all loose rugs and carpets and ensuring that wires and cables are safely tucked away or taped would also reduce the risk of a fall.

It is very important that the necessary permission is obtained from the house owner before commencing with any adaptation in the home.

Making a home elder proof can be an expensive project and it may be beneficial for the elder to consider applying for a grant from the local authority or applying to the local authority to provide some if not all of the equipment. It is worth knowing that each local authority have strict criteria for granting applications.

An elder proof home may be expensive but it is worth it.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lyn_Vincent

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Baby Boomers and Senior Care: How Is It Affecting You and Your Family?

By Claudette Paage

Are you a baby boomer caring for an aging parent or loved one? If you answered yes, you're not alone. Surveys suggest that today's baby boomers-those born between 1946 and 1965-will likely spend time caring for an aging parent or loved one.

If you fall into this category, you are dedicating enormous time, energy and resources-many times, financial assistance-to make sure your aging loved ones are safe, secure, comfortable and maintaining the best possible quality of life. But, your own health and well-being may be in jeopardy-there are only so many hours in the day!

To make matters more difficult, caregivers often lose out on moneymaking opportunities. They receive fewer promotions and wage increases along with less education as part of dropping out of the workplace or working fewer hours to care for a parent. This could result in a substantial loss of savings for their own retirement.

Most aging parents don't want to feel as if they're a burden on their children. But while caregivers deserve respect for their compassion and willingness to help provide elder care, how do they handle careers, children and care giving without completely wearing themselves out? Here are some tips on coping:

Look for community service organizations that offer help. A good place to start your search is at http://www.eldercare.gov. This government website is a public service of the U.S. Administration on Aging. Simply enter your zip code or city, choose a topic, and a list of resources pops up.

Give yourself a break by hiring outside services. If you prefer to provide most of the care for your parent, rely on outside services to handle some of the tasks. By spreading out the work a bit, you'll give yourself a much-needed break so you stay healthy and can continue helping your parent. Consider hiring services for house cleaning, yard work, laundry, grocery shopping, running errands and organizing.

Ask for help from family members. Don't be afraid to ask for help from family and friends. Ask a family member to come over and visit, read a book, teach your parent how to use a computer, help set up a cell phone, or take a walk around the block. Be specific about what you need. Encourage people who want to help, but can't, to provide a gift of services.

Consult with an elder care or senior care consultant. These consultants have seen the situation many times over while it might be a first time event for you. They help you weed through the information and learn how to better handle long-term care planning, often saving you costly elder care attorney fees down the road. When you choose an elder care or senior care consultant, look for someone who has the financial and organizational skills necessary to handle your parent's worries, wishes and priorities. They should offer a customized solution while building a strong relationship with other family members, accountants, attorneys, financial planners and investment advisors.

Claudette Paäge is a financial confidant and a senior care consultant for children with aging parents, seniors, busy professionals, individuals, families and retirees. She has made a career out of helping people wrest control over the challenges of everyday living. If you or a loved one needs elder care in NY, NJ or CT, Claudette can help. She has an experienced Care Manager on staff who arranges for services and makes recommendations to help your parent live with dignity and grace. Please call 914-725-0343 with senior care or home health care related questions, or if you need assistance for a loved one in the greater New York metropolitan area. Please visit her highly informative website for more tips and articles... http://www.paageetcie.com/articles.htm.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Claudette_Paage

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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How to Give Terminal Care to a Dying Parent

By Kum Martin

Usually, as children we reconcile to the fact that sooner or later we will have to care for our parents because of deteriorating health and age. However, when your parent is diagnosed with a terminal illness, it can be devastating for you. Giving terminal care to a dying parent is not easy. Usually, this type of care is given when the life expectancy is less than 6 months.

Talk to your parent about terminal care and other treatment options. Find out what your parent wants. At times, your parent may not be ready to give up treatment options to prolong life. Hence, their wishes should be fulfilled. However, warn your parent about the possible side effects after discussing the same with the doctor. If your parent does not want to suffer from the side effects, then terminal care would be the only option available. This concentrates on making the person feel more comfortable during the last stages of the disease.

Speak to your parent about making end of life care decisions. If your parent is lucid and able to make decisions, then find out whether they want to spend the last days of their life at home or in a hospital. This is important from your parent's point of view, as it will reduce emotional stress and also let them choose where they die. Generally, people with terminal disease want to spend their last days surrounded by their loved ones and in familiar surroundings.

Make sure that your parent gets palliative care during the last stages of their disease. This will keep your parent comfortable and reduce symptoms associated with the disease. The doctors may medicate your loved one for pain and other uncomfortable symptoms that they may experience, such as nausea, shortness of breath or constipation. It will also provide you with some relief, as palliative care tries to ease the burden of the primary caregiver. It gives emotional, spiritual and physical support to both the patient and family members. Speak to your parent about hospice care, as it will allow your parent to die with dignity and grace.

When your parent is lucid, find out about what plans they have in place for their funeral. It sounds morbid to be discussing such a topic even before the person passes away, but it will allow you to fulfill your parent's last wishes. This may not be necessary if your parent has made a living will.

An important part of terminal care is providing emotional support to the dying person. This is extremely challenging, as everyone involved will be emotionally fraught. Hence, you would have to get your emotions under control and be there for your parent. Speak to your loved one and find out what they want. At times, they would just want you to listen. Address any spiritual need by calling on a religious leader. If they want to reminisce about the good old days, make sure you listen actively and also speak about those days. Try to spend as much time as possible with your parent, while ensuring that they are comfortable and pain-free.

Kum Martin is an online leading expert in elderly care. He also offers top quality articles like: Terminal Illness

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kum_Martin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Top Five Regrets of the Dying

By Bronnie Ware

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Bronnie Ware is a writer and songwriter from Australia. Her blog has a loyal and ever-increasing following and has been quoted in several respectable international publications. Based on this article, Bronnie has now released a full-length book, also titled 'The Top Five Regrets of the Dying'. For more information about this or to read more of Bronnie's work, please visit her blog at http://inspirationandchai.com.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Bronnie_Ware

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Book Launch for Baby Boomer's Guide to Preparing for Parent's Death

Today, author Carolyn A. Brent launches her new book, Why Wait? The Baby Boomers' Guide to Preparing Emotionally, Financially and Legally for a Parent’s Death, on Amazon on Tuesday November 15, 2011.

Carolyn A. Brent, M.B.A. is a former clinical educational manager in the pharmaceutical industry. She is an avid activist and advocate working with the U.S. Congress for the purpose of creating change to protect seniors and veterans from financial and medical abuse. She has appeared on many local and national TV and radio shows, and is a sought-after keynote speaker.

Today, I'd like to share with you a recent podcast interview I had with Carolyn.

I hope you enjoyed this interview with Carolyn and that you’ll check out her book, Why Wait? The Baby Boomers' Guide to Preparing Emotionally, Financially and Legally for a Parent’s Death at http://www.babyboomersguide.org/book-launch/pre-launch.html. 

When you buy Carolyn's book on Tuesday November 15, 2011, you can ALSO receive a complete library of beautiful personal development gifts from authors, speakers, coaches and other enlightened professionals from around the globe including one from me:

MP3 audio book of More Than Meets the Eye ~ True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife

To read about the free gifts, go to: http://www.babyboomersguide.org/book-launch/pre-launch.html.

Thanks for reading! As usual, please feel free to share your comments and thoughts below. I love reading your feedback.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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The Challenge of Death and Dying - Caring for Aging Parents

By Julie Redstone

The process of dying is one of the great stages of learning of the human soul, often met with fear and resistance, yet even in the presence of these, filled with the growth of the soul in its appreciation of its relationship to life.

There is no one way to experience dying so that it produces the maximum amount of growth. For some, the sense of flow from one aspect of life to another is intuitively felt, even if nothing in the earlier stages of life has been articulated as a spiritual belief about the afterlife. For others, there is a well-defined understanding and sometimes experience of the continuity of life, so that apart from the pain or discomfort that may be present during the final stage of physical life, there is no fear. For still others, there is a sense of confusion about the end of life - a perplexity about anticipating non-existence. Often, the idea of death has been imposed on the psyche from the past and includes the notion that there is a kind of black-out of consciousness in which everything ends. And yet, even though this may make sense to the mind, it is perplexing to the heart which cannot comprehend such an idea.

Over and over again, a person who is trying to make sense of the experience of dying is pondering the question of what happens next, whether they are actively doing so in a conscious way or not. It is the main question of the last stage of life for many, especially for those who have not yet come to a conclusion which leaves them with a sense of peace. Even in the presence of denial concerning death's approach, or of anger that life has been 'cut short', or in the presence of the desire to just keep living without any thought of the future - even in the presence of each of these attitudes, the underlying process of trying to deal with the perplexity concerning the end of life is taking place.

For those who have inherited a family configuration in which caring for elderly parents is very much part of a central aspect of living, it is very important to know how to be with the dying process in the elderly. And for those who are simply loving the ones who are preparing to pass out of their physical existence, it is also important to know how to be with this stage of experience and of life.

What is crucial to remember and to trust is that the process of learning and of absorbing the meaning of death and of life is happening even if the elderly parent or loved one gives no sign that this is so. It is happening on the level of the deeper consciousness or soul, even if it is not happening outwardly or in a way that can be articulated. The deeper self is reaching out toward light and truth, and though the outer self may not understand that there is an answer to the question of "why?" - why death, why life - the inner being knows that there is.

For some, the process of dying is the most central experience of life, however it may appear externally. It may be that life has been lived fully, with relationships, family, a productive work life, and experiences that have been rich and alive for many years, and at the end of life that there is more and more limitation and restriction of activity. At such times it may seem to an observer and also to the one who has become very limited physically, that life is not being lived fully any more because of the cessation of physical activity. This is never the case. The shift has simply been made or is being made from a physically observable living of life with outer events that can be marked, to a less observable or invisible inner life that is being refocused around the question of life and death. What causes anxiety or distress in those who are witnessing this shift is the hardship of the limitation of the physical activity and functioning of the aging and dying person. What would relieve this distress to a considerable degree is the knowing that the dying process is taking place successfully, no matter what the outer manifestation that is occurring concerning actively dealing with it. Some things can be processed more easily through the mental aspect of comprehension and articulation of ideas, and some things must take place below the threshold of awareness in a place that joins mind and heart in a synergy in which both are trying to feel their way into a new experience and into a new understanding.

The positive support of those surrounding an elderly person who faces death is of great importance in all situations, for what can get transmitted through this loving support may not be ideas about death and the continuity of life, but the feelings associated with such beliefs of hope, of safety, of trust, and of peace. These feelings can be transmitted without words. They exist in the heart and in the deeper knowing of the soul, and so even without active conversations with loved ones, these deeper feelings and attitudes can be conveyed with benefit.

In the end, each person as a soul must go through the passage from physical life in their own way and with the experiences they are ready to have. The time can be a rich one and even a joyful one for one who knows that they are on the verge of experiencing an expansion of life's possibilities, rather than a diminishing of the reality of existence. For such a one, the prospect of dying has the feeling of going home to something familiar, even if not known, and can be a place that one anticipates visiting or entering with a sense of peace and with a deep sense of homecoming.

For those who are not yet ready for this perception and preparation, it is often the experience of dying itself, even within the last moments of life or at the time of the last breath, that conveys the truth of the continuity of life to the departing soul. These moments of passage are an experience all their own, and no matter what has led up to them, a soul is capable of a profound amount of awakening and of new learning at the time of death's completion. For this reason, it is important to greet the passage from physical life as a journey with many parts, and to know that the final part, the moment of the soul being exhaled from the body, may be the last breath of physical life but the first real knowing by the soul that it will not die, but that it will live and continue into ongoing life.

For additional writings by Julie Redstone and Messages by Request see Pathways of Light. For more about the perspective of the soul, see the Calendar of 100 Days and other Calendars offered within Pathways of Light.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Julie_Redstone


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For more information, you might enjoy reading the complete book More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase on Amazon.com

Who Cares for the Caregiver?

The October issue of BottomLine Health had a great article by Vicki Rachkner, MD titled "What No One Tell You About Caregiving." It really got me to thinking about all this around-the-clock hand holding and consoling we are doing for Nanny.

Mom and I are wearing ourselves out and Nanny is so incoherent at night that she doesn't even know where she is. Even though she talks all night, I don't think she is fully awake. It's kind of like sleep walking, but since she can't get up and walk, she's sleep talking. It's like she's dreaming and giving a verbal play-by-play account of her astral activity.

Our consoling does absolutely nothing to calm her down or deter her from talking incessantly. By depriving ourselves of much-needed sleep, we are feeling run down and that makes us frustrated when Nanny really needs our full attention during the day when she is awake. That's when we prep meals, feed her, bathe her, dress her, work on her physical therapy, talk to her, get her up out of bed to sit in her recliner. No caregiver can operate 24/7 without burning out.

I think we will turn off the baby monitor tonight, go to bed, and let her self-soothe. Let's hope for the best!

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