More Than Meets the Eye, True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife covers many aspects of the dying and grieving process and sheds light on euthanasia, suicide, near-death experience, and spirit visits after the passing of a loved one. ___________________________________________
Showing posts with label aging parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label aging parents. Show all posts

Monday, July 1, 2013

Caregiving Tips for Boomers: 5 Tips for Decreasing the Cost of Caring for Elderly Parents

By Dr. Vicki Rackner

Over 30 million Baby Boomers provide countless hours of assistance to elderly parents at no charge. It is estimated that, using average hourly wages, the total amount of this uncompensated care is comparable to the entire Medicare budget. For the estimated 7 million Boomers who provide long distance care, actual out of pocket expenses amount to almost $5,000 per month. For caregivers who have, or are considering leaving the workforce to care for an ailing parent, the costs are even greater - over $650,000 in forfeited salaries, benefits and pensions.

This stark economic reality shows only one dimension of the price caregivers pay for this act of love.

Caregivers pay with losses that extend well beyond their bank accounts. They often forego the activities that bring joy and richness to their lives, like meeting friends for dinner, or going out to the movies or taking family vacations. They pay with their time, the loss of professional opportunities and the erosion of personal relationships that result in isolation.

Sometimes, otherwise healthy loved ones need a short dose of care as they recover from an acute medical episode like a broken leg. Usually loved ones are on a path of steady decline with cascading assistance needs. Some caregivers sacrifice large chunks of their own lives as they help their parents and other family members and friends peacefully make their transitions. Caregivers can pay with their own health and well-being. In fact, we have evidence that some caregivers pay for their acts of care with their very lives.

You can decrease the personal and economic costs of caregiving. This means proactive planning rather than reactive responding. Planning saves money. You know this as you reflect upon your experiences of going to the grocery store with and without a shopping list. Planning also minimizes personal wear and tear and decreases stress. You will feel much better when you know your options and develop back-up plans before you jump into a challenging project.

5 Tips to Decrease the Cost of Caregiving:

1. Begin the conversation today. We have tremendous cultural resistance to the recognition of aging, disability and death. Just as the first few steps uphill are the hardest, so, too, you may meet the greatest resistance simply starting the conversation about their possible need for care. Say today, "Mom and Dad, it would be great if you lived forever, but the discovery for the fountain of youth is nowhere on the horizon. What thoughts and plans do you have about enjoying your golden years?"

2. Create a plan. Talk with your parents about their ideal plan if they are no longer able to care for themselves. Then, start to work toward that proactively. Investigate long-term care insurance. Draw up the appropriate legal documents. Find out who would make medical choices if they were not able to make them on their own, along with some guiding principles for the choices. You can anticipate and limit parental resistance by saying, "Mom and Dad, I just got back from the lawyer's office signing my will and durable medical power of attorney. I've asked Mitch to make my medical choices if I cannot make them myself. Just so you know, if I were in vegetative state, I wouldn't want to be maintained on a machine. You probably already planned ahead too, right?"

3. Use personal and community resources. Make caregiving a family job to which each member contributes. Even children can make grandma's life special with drawings and phone calls. Identify services that make your job as a caregiver easier. If you and your parents live in the same community, check with friends and neighbors and local organizations to learn about services and resources that will make your job easier. You say, "Mom has just moved in with us, and she wants to 'find a card game with the girls.' Do you know of any senior centers that have social events? How about transportation?"

We're a mobile society and millions of caregivers live more than an hour away from their parents. Executive William Gillis learned from his own personal experience how challenging it is to identify community resources from afar. As he was carving the path that ultimately led his on-line portfolio management service, he became the caregiver for his father. Talk about mixed emotions!  Professionally, he was introducing a service that let millions manage their investments with one click of a computer mouse. Personally, he was investing untold hours just to find one bit of information to help his dad."

As with so many innovators, he used his personal and professional experience to launch Parent Care (www.parents-care.com), a service that he wished would have made his life as
a caregiver-at-a-distance easier.

4. Gather cost-savings tips. This might mean something as simple as ordering generic medication or regularly inquiring about senior discounts. But, most cost savings opportunities aren't as obvious. Mr. Gillis found, for example, that some states will pay for phones for hearing, visually or mobility limited seniors or fund home safety improvements. He said, "We've invested heavily to locate time and money saving resources that most would have difficulty finding. I made it a personal mission to help other caregivers avoid some of the costs and frustration I encountered." You don't have to re-invent the wheel. Tap into the resources others have collected.

5. Take care of yourself. You will be able to provide the best care as a caregiver when you're at your best. Get good nutrition, enough sleep and regular exercise. Manage your stress and do a little something every day to nurture your soul. Understand that you are at increased risk for anxiety, depression, and weakening your immune system. Talk to your doctor if you see worrisome signs such as problems sleeping, changes in appetite or loss of interest in activities you enjoy.

Despite the costs, most caregivers say that they received much more than they gave. Most say they would do it again, and many do.

Sometimes the question is not the personal cost of caregiving; it's the value that you bring to the lives of others that matter at the end. What personal cost are you willing to pay for the privilege of helping those who welcomed you into the world to enjoy their golden years and travel the road of illness with love and dignity?
Dr. Vicki is a board-certified surgeon and Clinical Instructor at the University of Washington School of Medicine who left the operating room to help caregivers and patients take the most direct path from illness to optimal health. Want more tips about caregiving? Get your free report "Caring for the Caregiver" by emailing Dr. Vicki Rackner today at DrVicki@DrVicki.org and be sure to check out her regular column with the Johnson & Johnson Consumer Products Group’s new caregiver web site http://www.strengthforcaring.com
 
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Vicki_Rackner
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/248864

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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Thursday, June 20, 2013

Loving Parents Who Are Fading

By Marcia McGuire

If you have someone in your family who is fading with Alzheimer, you will relate to this article about my Dad. He has dementia. Some days he'll play the piano and sing, others he can't even find his bedroom. He repeats so much, your head is reduced to just nodding a smile because you've heard the same words over a hundred times. I can't count all the times I've heard how some men came over to hang his elk heads on the wall. (Actually, it was my sister and her son, but telling him otherwise, as you know, won't be a part of the next conversation.)

But this article isn't about my visits to see daddy. It's about his caregiver, my faithful mom. She has her own health problems and yet, she's the sole person to love and take care of her aging husband while at the same time, struggles to keep a hold of her own health.

How many couples are in that same situation, one taxing the other, both spiraling down? Our weekly visits and prayers that the next time we come, that they'll be doing just as good, aren't all that they need. What is to be done?

Here's some ideas:

1. If at all possible, have them live near one of the children, not necessarily in their home, but around the corner or in a small apartment on the property. This way they'll have someone there every day to check and give rides for groceries or to see grandchildren. It isn't the same when they live across town. If anything, it's important just so they know someone is nearby to give them security.

2. Have a church body or circle of friends help. We want to serve one another and what better way than to reach out to our elderly. It's amazing how having another person there can make both brighten up.

3. Make arrangements for the caregiver (mom in our case) to have time away from the Alzheimer one which gives them a fresh look and a breather. Arrange for a senior citizen bus to pick them up for a day out with others their age. There's caring folks working in these services that are great asset.

4. Cook meals ahead so you know they are going to eat right. Package and freeze in their meal proportions.

5. If they don't know computers, introduce the caregiver parent a simple way to get online. Show them how easy it is to shop online and have it sent right to their front door. Use as few of click as possible to enjoy Facebook, where they can meet friends. Set the screen saver to show pictures of family. We make CDs and installed them into mom's My Pictures in her computer. This way they can sit and see familiar faces. Dad especially recognizes his mom and for the time being, his children although that part is fading too, so keeping faces familiar is important.

6. Be careful how you tell either of them what they need to do. They've made decisions all their lives and taking away that thought process is detrimental to both. It's especially vital to have the caregiver spouse have space and an opinion. Suggestions, yes, but not "You need to...." Encourage both of them gently, never boss which quite often makes them balk and not cooperate. They both need dignity and lots of "yeses" especially the Alzheimer parent. I remember one incident where dad wouldn't get in the shower because he was told he had to. My sister came in and just said, "Dad, the showers on. Your turn," and he forgot he was arguing about getting in.

7. Call them often. My sisters have daily rituals to call mom on their way to work, and she watches like clockwork for their calls. I'm not a phone talker, so I send love letters in the mail. Mailboxes get way too many ads and bills, so I love picturing dad peering inside their box by the front door and carrying his treasure to mom to read. (You should see some of the silly treasures they get inside that box.)

8. Most important, remember, they've taken care and loved each other all these years and know they're married for better or worse. The worse is happening, and they're dealing with it. We need to be a safety net for them.

9. And when, and if, the day arrives they have to place their dementia companion in a care center, be even more keen for the one left at home. It will be empty and, after nurturing their "child" sweetheart for so long, they'll wonder what's next and how to fill their time. Add to this, all the memories that will fill their minds, acting like little ghost everywhere. Be acutely aware how they're coping with all the changes.

10. Talk with your siblings and other family members of ways you can help them. Hopefully they will realize their responsibility is to be there for them.

Think of this story that pretty much explains what is going on.

"It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 a.m., when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

"On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

"I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

"I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?' He smiled as he patted my hand and said, 'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.'

"I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, 'That is the kind of love I want in my life.' True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be."

And that's life for our family. Daddy has dementia. We deal with it because we love him. Many families have a parent that is fading and needs assistance, for us to be involved and loving them all that we can. They were there for us. We're returning. And the circle of life goes around until we may find we are fading and need our children to love us.

Marcia is married to Dennis and has seven children, is grandma to sixteen, a school teacher and has an online shopping mall with name brand stores. [http://www.grenfo.com/newsletter.html]
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Marcia_McGuire
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/3981555
 
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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Baby Boomers and Senior Care: How Is It Affecting You and Your Family?

By Claudette Paage

Are you a baby boomer caring for an aging parent or loved one? If you answered yes, you're not alone. Surveys suggest that today's baby boomers-those born between 1946 and 1965-will likely spend time caring for an aging parent or loved one.

If you fall into this category, you are dedicating enormous time, energy and resources-many times, financial assistance-to make sure your aging loved ones are safe, secure, comfortable and maintaining the best possible quality of life. But, your own health and well-being may be in jeopardy-there are only so many hours in the day!

To make matters more difficult, caregivers often lose out on moneymaking opportunities. They receive fewer promotions and wage increases along with less education as part of dropping out of the workplace or working fewer hours to care for a parent. This could result in a substantial loss of savings for their own retirement.

Most aging parents don't want to feel as if they're a burden on their children. But while caregivers deserve respect for their compassion and willingness to help provide elder care, how do they handle careers, children and care giving without completely wearing themselves out? Here are some tips on coping:

Look for community service organizations that offer help. A good place to start your search is at http://www.eldercare.gov. This government website is a public service of the U.S. Administration on Aging. Simply enter your zip code or city, choose a topic, and a list of resources pops up.

Give yourself a break by hiring outside services. If you prefer to provide most of the care for your parent, rely on outside services to handle some of the tasks. By spreading out the work a bit, you'll give yourself a much-needed break so you stay healthy and can continue helping your parent. Consider hiring services for house cleaning, yard work, laundry, grocery shopping, running errands and organizing.

Ask for help from family members. Don't be afraid to ask for help from family and friends. Ask a family member to come over and visit, read a book, teach your parent how to use a computer, help set up a cell phone, or take a walk around the block. Be specific about what you need. Encourage people who want to help, but can't, to provide a gift of services.

Consult with an elder care or senior care consultant. These consultants have seen the situation many times over while it might be a first time event for you. They help you weed through the information and learn how to better handle long-term care planning, often saving you costly elder care attorney fees down the road. When you choose an elder care or senior care consultant, look for someone who has the financial and organizational skills necessary to handle your parent's worries, wishes and priorities. They should offer a customized solution while building a strong relationship with other family members, accountants, attorneys, financial planners and investment advisors.

Claudette PaƤge is a financial confidant and a senior care consultant for children with aging parents, seniors, busy professionals, individuals, families and retirees. She has made a career out of helping people wrest control over the challenges of everyday living. If you or a loved one needs elder care in NY, NJ or CT, Claudette can help. She has an experienced Care Manager on staff who arranges for services and makes recommendations to help your parent live with dignity and grace. Please call 914-725-0343 with senior care or home health care related questions, or if you need assistance for a loved one in the greater New York metropolitan area. Please visit her highly informative website for more tips and articles... http://www.paageetcie.com/articles.htm.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Claudette_Paage

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Tuesday, March 27, 2012

How to Give Terminal Care to a Dying Parent

By Kum Martin

Usually, as children we reconcile to the fact that sooner or later we will have to care for our parents because of deteriorating health and age. However, when your parent is diagnosed with a terminal illness, it can be devastating for you. Giving terminal care to a dying parent is not easy. Usually, this type of care is given when the life expectancy is less than 6 months.

Talk to your parent about terminal care and other treatment options. Find out what your parent wants. At times, your parent may not be ready to give up treatment options to prolong life. Hence, their wishes should be fulfilled. However, warn your parent about the possible side effects after discussing the same with the doctor. If your parent does not want to suffer from the side effects, then terminal care would be the only option available. This concentrates on making the person feel more comfortable during the last stages of the disease.

Speak to your parent about making end of life care decisions. If your parent is lucid and able to make decisions, then find out whether they want to spend the last days of their life at home or in a hospital. This is important from your parent's point of view, as it will reduce emotional stress and also let them choose where they die. Generally, people with terminal disease want to spend their last days surrounded by their loved ones and in familiar surroundings.

Make sure that your parent gets palliative care during the last stages of their disease. This will keep your parent comfortable and reduce symptoms associated with the disease. The doctors may medicate your loved one for pain and other uncomfortable symptoms that they may experience, such as nausea, shortness of breath or constipation. It will also provide you with some relief, as palliative care tries to ease the burden of the primary caregiver. It gives emotional, spiritual and physical support to both the patient and family members. Speak to your parent about hospice care, as it will allow your parent to die with dignity and grace.

When your parent is lucid, find out about what plans they have in place for their funeral. It sounds morbid to be discussing such a topic even before the person passes away, but it will allow you to fulfill your parent's last wishes. This may not be necessary if your parent has made a living will.

An important part of terminal care is providing emotional support to the dying person. This is extremely challenging, as everyone involved will be emotionally fraught. Hence, you would have to get your emotions under control and be there for your parent. Speak to your loved one and find out what they want. At times, they would just want you to listen. Address any spiritual need by calling on a religious leader. If they want to reminisce about the good old days, make sure you listen actively and also speak about those days. Try to spend as much time as possible with your parent, while ensuring that they are comfortable and pain-free.

Kum Martin is an online leading expert in elderly care. He also offers top quality articles like: Terminal Illness

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kum_Martin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Book Launch for Baby Boomer's Guide to Preparing for Parent's Death

Today, author Carolyn A. Brent launches her new book, Why Wait? The Baby Boomers' Guide to Preparing Emotionally, Financially and Legally for a Parent’s Death, on Amazon on Tuesday November 15, 2011.

Carolyn A. Brent, M.B.A. is a former clinical educational manager in the pharmaceutical industry. She is an avid activist and advocate working with the U.S. Congress for the purpose of creating change to protect seniors and veterans from financial and medical abuse. She has appeared on many local and national TV and radio shows, and is a sought-after keynote speaker.

Today, I'd like to share with you a recent podcast interview I had with Carolyn.


I hope you enjoyed this interview with Carolyn and that you’ll check out her book, Why Wait? The Baby Boomers' Guide to Preparing Emotionally, Financially and Legally for a Parent’s Death at http://www.babyboomersguide.org/book-launch/pre-launch.html. 

When you buy Carolyn's book on Tuesday November 15, 2011, you can ALSO receive a complete library of beautiful personal development gifts from authors, speakers, coaches and other enlightened professionals from around the globe including one from me:

MP3 audio book of More Than Meets the Eye ~ True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife

To read about the free gifts, go to: http://www.babyboomersguide.org/book-launch/pre-launch.html.

Thanks for reading! As usual, please feel free to share your comments and thoughts below. I love reading your feedback.

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For more information, you might enjoy reading my book, More Than Meets the Eye True Stories about Death, Dying, and Afterlife. Purchase paperback on Amazon.com. It's also on Amazon as an e-book for those who have Kindle or Sony Readers. The audio book is now available!
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